Swimming, Soccer, Ballet, Oboe

Hahah! I was watching the news on Fox when a new Dunkin' Donuts commercial come up. It's about a Mom in a van taking her four kids to different activities: swimming, soccer, ballet, and oboe. They go through the jingle several times, each time getting a bit faster. How funny that they picked an oboe! I always love when we get publicity of any kind. I wonder how many, if any, kids across America will be intrigued by the commercial and maybe take it up? You never know.

I think I'm going to have me a donut tomorrow!

Reed blahs

My lesson yesterday went mostly well. I was so proud of having three reeds to present this time. Their tips weren't quite refined enough but my tying and the scraping I had done thus far were good. After adjustment by my teacher all three of my reeds are still in the "possibly good reeds" category. Time will tell whether or not they will get played on regularly but I am hopeful thus far.

I didn't play a ton of music at the lesson but it was ok because we actually got to talk a lot which is not always the case. It was mostly about reeds but also about other general playing stuff. I tried very hard to NOT fall into my nervous chatter routine because I realize that it wastes both of our time. As per J's suggestion, I started practicing standing up and now I feel immensely more comfortable playing standing than I do sitting. My breathing feels more controlled that way and I am better able to get rid of excessive tension. J mentioned that I was noticeably less tense than usual but that I still have more work to do in that area. I think that going to another teacher helped in this regard because I let out a lot of nervous energy worrying about how she'd react to my playing the first time she heard me. Once I got over that with no trauma, I felt like I have less to fear.

I've now been ordered by both teachers to do more scales and to do them quicker. I admit I've been quite lazy about scales for some reason. Maybe because they're BORING! They're also frustrating on the oboe because it's difficult to get them in tune and even.

Today's practice session didn't go very well. My new reeds are still too hard and my old reed is close to being unplayable. I didn't feel like breaking in reeds today though so I ended up just playing crap on my old one. I felt like crap myself after doing that for an hour. I need to focus on what's going to help me improve. Tomorrow I will play on my new hard reeds even if all I end up doing is long tones!

One of the three bakeries nearby is apparently making cinnamon buns. The smell is intoxicating!!

Despite the fact that after watching X-Men 3 last night I was convinced that I am indeed Phoenix I may not be evil enough after all:

You Are 34% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Wow, an update

Isn't difficult to write in a neglected blog? I feel like I should write absolutely everything that has happened since my last update, but just the thought of that makes me tired. Yet I know I have to do some kind of recap in order to be able to keep going. So here goes.

My last final was on May 9th, over two weeks ago. However, the traumatic effects of last semester linger on. I realized that being back at Columbia made me regress emotionally. I picked some of my inferiority complexes back up. It was very difficult feeling inadequate all of the time. It went beyond my not being able to focus and my procrastination. What hurt the most was feeling like I was living a lie. Try as I may I couldn't muster up enough genuine motivation. My feelings regarding whether or not I should continue down the pre-med path are still ambivalent. On the one hand a part of me is convinced that it's the only job I'd ever like yet on the other hand I am convinced that pursuing it will lead to me becoming depressive. Let's hope I can work this all out by the end of the summer. For now I am on schedule to begin the research internship on June 19th. I'm pretty excited about it and am hoping that maybe my niche will be somewhere in there.

Music stuff . . .

Where to begin? Well, it turns out that I now have two teachers! How did this happen? I mentioned that the first time that I went to an Imani Winds concert (back in March) I introduced myself to the oboist and got her contact information. I went to another concert of theirs on May 11th and at that point we set up a time to meet up at her house for a free lesson (so kind of her). My first lesson with her was last week and afterwards she asked if I wanted to take more lessons with her and I was more than happy to. My teacher is very busy (and a bit more expensive) so I can't go to her weekly anyway. In fact some times I end up seeing her only once in a month because of our schedules. I liked it back when I met with my very first teacher every week because it kept me on my toes in terms of practicing. I figured that seeing two teachers now would have a similar effect. It's really interesting to have someone else listen to you because all teachers are really different. Both are amazing players and I feel so blessed right now to be working with both of them. My second teacher, "T", focuses on different things than my first teacher, "J". I feel that this will only help because it will lead to me becoming a more balanced player. For example, J focuses a lot of embouchure and sound and intonation. During my first lesson with T she remarked that my sound and intonation were quite good for the amount of time I've been playing. That makes since it's it's what I've been focusing on. Like J, she suggested that my next thing to attack is dynamics control. Both teachers gave me basically the same exercise for this: a very long tone that starts pp goes ff then goes back to pp. One interesting suggestion she made was to NOT use my tuner during these exercises for now. I've been so worried about "perfect" intonation that I do think it had limited my dynamic range. I was very afraid to play loudly because I tended to always go sharp in those cases. Yet if I never practiced it how was I ever supposed to get better at keeping my intonation against increased air pressure? T has also had good advice for me in terms of breathing and support. Another thing she noticed was that my attack on the notes was a bit harsh. I had been tonguing similarly to how I tongued for my saxophone and this is way more than what the tiny oboe reed calls for. I'm now practicing a much softer attack and it's amazing how much more "musical" my playing is when I do it correctly. I had my second lesson with T today and I think that it went well. She said that I'm a quick learner. YAY! We've gone over a lot of new things in the two meetings and she said that for now we'll just focus on improving on those things before introducing any other new concepts. Once I get over these fundamentals she is going to help me with the "v" word: vibrato. Ooo! She was happy that I haven't tried to apply a sax vibrato (or any vibrato at all for that matter) to the oboe because apparently the results are pretty disastrous. I had read that on several sites and it's one of the reasons I've been patient about it and not pursued it yet.

Tomorrow I have a lesson with my J. I'm hoping to finish the three reeds I've started. And I may practice again later tonight to work some more on my Corelli piece. I hope she'll notice some improvement. Another added benefit of having someone else listen to me is that I think I've become slightly more comfortable and relaxed when playing in front of really good musicians. I should be a lot less nervous at tomorrow's lesson. *crosses fingers*

I didn't mean for both lessons to fall on the same week. I have to figure out a better way to coordinate them.

This past Saturday I played for the longest ever since I began playing. I was on my instrument for a good 4 hours total! I had a nice, productive practice session at home early that afternoon. I ended up doing just long tones, scales, and technical stuff for 90 minutes. I didn't play around with music at all. My husband was playing at a church concert (not our parish) that night and they were rehearsing for two hours before it started. I took the oboe with me figuring that I could find a corner somewhere and play a few tunes while they practiced. I did that for about 30 minutes and then walked on stage with them half jokingly. They welcomed me to play along with then and then said that I should go ahead and play at the concert with them too. Pretty funny! I didn't end up playing on the very fast tunes but I did do the intros on all of the slow ones (along with the trumpet player). I even did some little solos in between verses and stuff like that on some of them. The last time I "performed" like this was March of last year at which point I was still sounding pretty bad. At that point some of the other musicians did like it but others weren't as enthused. This time everyone liked my oboe! That's because it actually sounds like an oboe now. It was such a nice feeling to expose folks to my instrument.

The only downside was that I think I made my mouth sore from all the playing. It felt a little sore that night but I didn't really think about it until I tried practicing the next day. My upper gums were a bit swollen, especially in the middle (that little tissue that connects your upper gums to your upper lip). Forming my embouchure aggravated it and I ended up only playing like 20 minutes on Sunday. It's all ok now thankfully.

I now have another performance opportunity coming up. The person who organized last year's concert (at my parish) is now preparing another one. Our first rehearsal is this coming Saturday and this time I will not be doubling on the sax since I never touched it again after that past concert. The arranger told me he's going to write some nice little solos for me. It should be fun!!

As I was driving home today I was thinking yet again about how grateful I am for having found this. The oboe brings out the best in me. For example, I can't believe just how bold I am when it comes to my oboe stuff. Even though I am still very much a student I don't have much shame when it comes to playing. Things would be different if the audience were other classical musicians but before I was afraid to play in front of anyone. But I really enjoy this so much that I don't focus on the fear anymore. I rather play and get a bit nervous than not play at all. Being bold has helped me in this path because I've befriended several great teachers/musicians (you too Patty!). Another great thing is that I have demonstrated at least some degree of discipline in this endeavor. Though I wish I had even more, I am remarkably more disciplined with this than I am with anything else. This gives me hope that I can organize other areas of my life too. If not, then at least I can continue to see improvement in my playing.

For my next post I will be putting up a picture of me at my rock band gig last night. It was at a pretty famous venue! I'll keep you guessing for now.

Infatuated

I just want to note how grateful I am to God for having found my true passion. After my 7 hour stint at the library today, I sat outside for about 30 minutes enjoying the weather. As the wonderful warm breeze blew on my face I suddenly felt very grateful for my life. I tend to spend so much time inside my head trying to "figure things out" that it's hard to really be in the moment. I then remembered how empty my life was before when I had nothing I really loved doing. I was so afraid that my entire existence would be like that. Nowadays it's as though the world is painted in brighter colors. I am able to truly appreciate everything. And even if a cloud temporarily darkens the way, all I have to do is listen to oboe music in my head and I know that the sun will come out again soon.

My aching mouth

I got in two hours of practice time today!! I wasn't playing the entire time though. Some of the time I used to do harmonic analysis of the piano accompaniment to that Corelli piece I am studying. That serves a dual purpose. I've always seemed to listen to music more vertically than horizontally. It's only now that I'm playing the oboe that I am worrying more about melodies. I do still need to understand the underlying harmony in order to feel that I really "get" what I'm playing. I do tend to harmonize everything in my head anyway, but I like to know what the real hamonization is just in case there are any surprises. The other nice thing about doing this analysis (besides pure intellecual fun) is that I can write out the chord changes for my husband and he can accompany me as I practice. He doesn't really read Classical piano music (and is, in fact, intimidated by it) since what he's played all his life is Latin stuff and started on jazz recently. Merengue piano parts are written in tab.

I spent most of the time on my piece but I did also work on some long tones and octaves. By the end of it my embouchure completely died and my mouth just gave up and looked something like this. Pretty funny stuff! I mean to give myself another workout tomorrow. I have to try to get a lot in before the finals crunch gets much worse.

Today was a good day. A very good day. :-)

Lesson!

My lesson yesterday turned out better than expected which was a pleasant surprise. I was convinced that my sound had taken a huge turn for the worse because of my forced time off last month. I do have to keep working on intonation and dynamics issues, but thankfully the bad sound thing must have been a figment of my imagination. It's not like I sound heavenly yet, but I am still moving forward. What can I say? Those months of the goose/kazoo/duck/bagpipe really work a number on you. I think I am traumatized!

I ended up not completing two reeds. In fact I only had one nearly finished reed to show. She never really pressures me about them but I am always afraid that she might and I always feel disappointed in myself when I don't go in with a lot of reeds. The reason I hadn't finished that one reed was because my knife was feeling dull no matter what I did. I have a sharpening block that I only use rarely. I've been using ceramic sticks for most of my sharpening. They work well for my teacher and are easy to use. Well it turns out that I was doing it at a slightly wrong angle and was probably dulling my knife instead of sharpening it. Now that I know what to do I won't need to fear finishing off the tips.

My teacher emphasized my need for working on long tones, octaves, and scales every day as well as on being more aware of tension. We worked a bit on the Corelli piece and she seemed pleased with what I had figured out on my own. Next time I hope to have all 5 movements mostly ready. I only presented 2 of them yesterday.

Less than two weeks left in the semester!! This means that pretty soon I will be stepping up my practicing to a minimum of two hours a day. Or at least I hope so! I have nearly 6 weeks off in between the end of the semester and the beginning of my summer research internship. I have some lofty goals for that time: lose 10 pounds, practice 2 hours a day, and start studying for the MCAT. Why can't I just relax like normal people? Hehe, I should have some time for that too. As much as one can relax when the mother in law is in town.

Baroque-y Me

When I think back at the time when I was trying to decide whether to play oboe or clarinet I remember that one of my perceived cons for the oboe was that a lot of its literature is from the Baroque era. It's not that I didn't like Baroque music. It simply wasn't my favorite.

So now I am working on my very first real piece with my teacher and it's Corelli's Concerto for Oboe and String. And guess what? I had a grand old time today working through the gavotta, which is arguably the most "baroque-y" sounding of the movements. I was very surprised at how I seemed to get into the feeling of the piece without really trying. For some reason I always thought that it would be unnatural to play in that style. But I think the instrument lends itself quite well to it which explains why they wrote so many oboe concertos in those days. Tada!

I am glad I proved myself wrong because now I have a ton of pieces to look forward to playing.

I wonder how it will go on Wednesday when I play it for my teacher. I haven't told her yet that I got the music. I am trying to work through it as much as I can to surprise her at the lesson. The piece is just at my level technique-wise. Not too easy yet the challenging parts are all things I can work through slowly. The range is pretty comfortable too. It does have some extreme notes but they are not troubling me. What I need to work on most is intonation and articulation. Oh and dynamics. For some reason I am still not back to where I was before my flu in terms of dynamics control. I was able to play softer than I am now. Maybe it's the reeds?

At one point tonight I realized that I've come really far in the past year. At this point last year I was still struggling with everything. Well, I guess I still am. But now I sound like an oboe. One without vibrato yet though. Hahah. It will all come in due time. It's really fulfilling to be able to work on real music and play it closely in tune and with some semblance of musicality. I think I've gotten to a point where the practice is reinforcing itself. Before I'd be almost afraid to practice because I didn't want to find out how bad I'd be playing that day. For a while one thing would get better while three others would get worse. So on any given day I had no idea what would come out of the instrument. At least now I am consistent. I know what I need to work on and when I practice the next day I usually don't feel that I am playing worse. I guess I had hit a plateau and am now on a new rising curve. It must be because my embouchure is finally closer to a real oboe embouchure.

I have another lesson Wednesday so I will definitely be writing about my preparations for that and the lesson itself. I have to make 2 reeds and am procrastinating on it. My scraping technique has been faulty lately. I keep making my tips uniformly too thin (instead of being slightly thicker in the center and thinning out towards the side). This creates a very raucous sounding reed which even after professional adjustment are barely good enough for doing long tones. I'm happy though because right now I'm still playing on the reed my teacher lent me for the Beethoven. It has a nice sound and I can control the pitch (but not the dynamics) better on it.

Off to listen to some music before calling it a night.

The start of something big

I am no longer an orchestral virgin! WOOHOO!! I still can't believe that I played a symphony. Not bad after playing oboe for only 16 months. I can't even explain how nervous I was from about 30 minutes before it was due to start until we actually started playing. Even during the tuning I was still ultra nervous. I was almost shaking. Part of it too was that I wasn't feeling secure about my playing. I still haven't fully recovered from the days of practice that I lost during my illness. The intonation and dynamics control that I was beginning to gain had become elusive again. My teacher was kind enough to meet me at school today to bring me one of her reeds because I didn't want to play in public with the ones I've been practicing with. Her reed was great, but I hadn't played on it before and I didn't get there early enough to warm up. Plus, I felt a bit shy about the others hearing me. Thankfully, my sound blended in with the others decently enough. And I didn't have any major intonation issues tonight (though some of the clarinetists did hehe).

The interesting thing was that the nerves disappeared as soon as we began to actually play. Oh I forgot to say that the instrumentation ended up being a bit unbalanced. We had 4 oboes, 2 on each part. Two other oboists from the orchestra showed up but left when they saw that there were 4 of us already. The other 2nd oboe was also not a regular member of the orchestra. No bassoons showed up and there was only one French Horn. There were 5 clarinetists and not enough low strings. We even had two guitarists show up and try to play the violin part. It ended up sounding pretty ok even with the weird orchestration.

Back to the music. The first movement was the most fun. Maybe it's because I am really familiar with it so I didn't have to count as much and could feel the music better. I ended up getting somewhat lost during parts of the second movement. We had really long rests and I would get distracted! Oops. I would start worrying about whether my reed would dry out. Or I'd start listening to the music. We ended up skipping the 3rd movement which sucked because I really like that one. But I think part of that may have been because we were lacking in terms of the lower pitched strings and brass. The 4th movement was really fun too! I managed to do pretty well on it to my surprise. There is a little part near the the beginning that I sort of memorized and if I tried to do it while reading I would end up messing up the fingerings. So I had to just close my eyes to do that part and then open them once it was over. How weird! The conductor marked the presto at the end REALLY fast!! I didn't think I'd be able to keep up but miraculously I mostly did.

My only complaint about the whole thing (besides the funky instrument balance) was that it was too short! We ended up only playing for an hour. When he said we were done I thought we were going to take a break and then play the whole thing from top to bottom. WAAAH! Oh, and the only other bad thing is that now I want to play in an orchestra every single day. What have I done? I've unleashed a demon. I knew I would just absolutely love playing in an orchestra. I am still in disbelief that it actually happened. I wasn't able to really think about my FEELINGS about the whole thing while I was there because I was so worried about the music, my sound, my dynamics, etc. But it was great. I really really want to be playing my oboe so much better and so much more. I KNEW that I was right. That once this hit me, it was the real thing. My husband doesn't always believe that I really found my passion but I know I have.

I came home and since I was still yearning to play I ended up practicing my piece for about 45 minutes. It sounded better than it has all week. I am getting back into shape.

So there you have it. I wanted to write more about it. Maybe I will be able to once the adrenaline rush goes away. All I know is that I am more determined than ever to be as good as I can be. I HAVE to do this more than once a year!

Here I am before we started. What a natural! :-D



Check me out in action! Oooh, my chin looks nice and flat.

My Symphonic Debut!

So I stop posting for a few weeks and now I get to tell you all that my symphonic debut will be next Tuesday and I will be playing Beethoven's Fifth! Nope, I am not joining an orchestra just yet, simply participating at a "play-along" here at school. I couldn't be more excited! It's as though my adrenaline has been pumping ever since I saw the first flyer for it last night. I have no idea how it will all work out. Will all the orchestra members be there and we will be doubling up? That's what I'm assuming. In preparation I've gone ahead and borrowed a copy of the full score from the music library. I am not about to blow my debut by messing up with the sight reading.

I have not been a good little oboist. But it was not entirely my fault. I was sick for 9 days! So sick in fact that I missed many days of practice. I am heart-broken about this and now struggling to restart my daily practice habit. Luckily my score of the Corelli/Barbirolli Oboe Concerto came in yesterday so perhaps that will help me get back on track. It's always such a pain to deal with sloppy chops. *cry* Just when I was starting to make real progress I had to go and catch a bunch of viral bugs. I won't despair though, I have next week to look forward to and that alone should be enough motivation.

I went ahead and contacted the oboist I met a few weeks ago at that other school's orchestra rehearsals. She and her teacher seem really nice and once I am done with the semester we will be getting together to chat about all things oboe and to play some trios. It will be nice to meet up with others who are oboe obsessed.

Ok I am going to go practice on my reed alone now!

Still a happy oboist

Hey there!

I feel so sad about having neglected the blog. But things have just been kind of nuts. I just realized today that for the last month or so I've only felt completely well on a handful of days. First I had some kind of stomach virus/food poisoning. Then I had a horrible cold for two weeks. Then I got another bout of food poisoning - the worst ever in my adult life. Now I seem to have a sore throat/flu-like symptoms. I am not any more stressed than usual. In fact, I have been more on top of school than ever. So I am not sure why my immune response is so low. It seems that for some reason I am susceptible to stomach ailments right now and it is those that bring on the other problems. Oh well.

I've managed to maintain my little practice regimen of an hour a day. I really wish I could do more on a consistent basis, but it is really all I can muster right now. I did finally return to the school practice rooms last week and put in 75 minutes one day. It felt so nice and it turned out to be a very productive practice.

I think that the latest stuff that I've been working on is starting to pay off. My teacher had me work on octaves as well as crescendo/decrescendo. When I did these at my lesson today she was pretty happy with the progress. I have to be careful that I always use enough air speed and not try to compensate for lazy air by biting. That being said, my "chops" have definitely gotten stronger. I was able to pull off some decent dynamics. It's really exciting that now my playing is sounding more musical. Oh, and my intonation was quite good today. The only time I played out of tune was when I bit on a B-flat during the octave exercise. Eep. But other than that even when we played a duet it sounded well. She complimented my sound a few times, but other times I wasn't cushioning the reed well enough and was getting a more raw sound. I also got a compliment on a flat chin at one point. YAY! I am so excited that I am getting past some of the embouchure issues that haunted me for months. We are definitely playing more music now at the lessons. In fact she wants me to get a copy of a piece!! This will be my first official piece to study with her. It's the Corelli/Barbirolli Oboe Concerto. All in all it was a good lesson. I showed improvement in the areas I worked on and we found other things to iron out for next time.

So I went to the Imani Winds concert on the 25th. It was really amazing! The setting was very intimate. There were maybe 60 or so in the audience and we were all up on stage with the quintet facing us (their backs to the official seats). They introduced each piece with some information about it and answered questions at the end. It was really wonderful to enjoy great music in this setting. I do love going to the Philharmonic but I must admit that at times it feels overly stuffy. If we're all enjoying the music, why must we act like we're at a funeral? Anyway, Imani Wind's playing was top notch. I especially enjoyed watching and listening to the oboist, Toyin Spellman-Diaz. She has wonderful technique and sound. I went up to her at the end and she was also super friendly and nice. In fact, she even offered me a free lesson! I am a bit nervous but I will definitely take her up on that. It will be so much fun. She's really an inspiration!

Good night :-)

New Blog

I've created a new blog to chronicle all my pre-med stuff.

Sometimes I get writer's block because what I need to sound off about is some school related thing. This prevents me from writing my music stuff at times. So I've decided to make a new home for all that other pesky stuff.

Read at your own risk. It will probably just be a lot of whining!

Couldn't have said it better

I just loved Waterfall's recent post and wanted to quote part of it here:

As far as the sound of an instrument, I think the oboe is without question has the most beautiful sound in the entire orchestra. When the oboe plays--even if it's not soloing--it's like all of the other instruments are just humming in the background. My heartbeat seems to quicken just a little bit whenever I hear that lovely, familiar, mournful sound among the others. It has a warmth to it that the other instruments (except for the piano, which is just a little bit warmer) don't seem to have.

Do you know that sense of familiarity you get whenever you hear your name called out in a crowd? Someone may be calling out to someone else, but you turn anyway because it's your name. Well, that's the same feeling I get when I hear a piano or an oboe.

I know *exactly* what she means.

My true self revealed *chuckle*

Genuine Idealist

My Personal Dna Report

Weird source of inspiration

I feel like I haven't posted in forever! I was very busy with midterms last week. My, were they bad! It's interesting how you can get into a study groove and not notice the days go by. It's only after you're done and in the process of de-stressing that you realize how sucky it was to be preparing for exams for two weeks. I started early enough with Organic Chemistry yet I still ran out of time. I studied right up until the end and ended up with a B+ by the skin of my teeth. My Biology grade isn't in yet. I'm afraid to look at it considering the cram job I pulled (yet again). I VOWED this time to stay on top of Biology! It should finally get more interesting now that were are going to do development.

I'm still liking Organic Chemistry quite a lot. And I do enjoy the lab course too. It's come to the point where I need to seriously consider graduate studies at least as a possibility. I am still completely intimidated by the idea of being a scientist, but sometimes when I think about my strengths I wonder if it would be a better fit for me than physician. Then again I've really been enjoying my volunteering at the OB/GYN clinic. When I am there I am always humbled and honored by the trust the patients place on me (and I'm a nobody still!). I can definitely see and feel myself being a physician someday. But I am *still* afraid that the price might be too great. I MUST be reassured that I can still pursue my oboe studies to a degree which fulfills me.

I had a lesson last week, in the middle of midterm craziness. I scheduled it this way on purpose to force myself to keep up with the instrument. I ended up taking too many days off during my last round of exams. This worked out really well and I mean to keep it up from now on. I did manage to practice every day during the craziness even if it was only for a short while.

The lesson turned out much better than I expected. I had warned my teacher that I wouldn't have new reeds to bring in and so we skipped the usual reed business. This allowed me to play much more than usual which was good. She noted some improvement with the embouchure and having slightly more control. She wants me to keep working on developing flexibility (pitchwise and dynamics).

We ended up playing duets during the lesson and it was great fun! She had assigned those duets for me a while back (in October). I had sight read them during a class but I was still playing quite out of tune so we didn't really try to perform them together. This time we played them together and it was very exciting for me. Once I got over my nerves I was able to play with some expression. And my intonation is SOOO much better than what it had been in October. My teacher noticed that too and she also said that my sound was great. While playing I did notice that my sound didn't stick out (negatively) like it had a few months back. I want to say that what we played sounded like "real music".

She assigned me quite a few more duets for next time as well as three other little etudes to prepare. This is a big shift from what we had been doing where I was playing basically no music at all. What does this mean? Is this just a little break? Or am I finally at the point where I am ready to play more than just long tones? She does still want me to work on the same basics but she says she wants me to incorporate it into these easy pieces. She did also mention that she has another adult student who is looking for people to play with. Interesting development.

Today I attended an orchestra rehearsal at my husband's school. Their orchestra is quite small and mostly made of community members not students. The lady who is playing second oboe there has only been playing for 2 years. I was pretty shocked. As much as I want to be playing with others already, I don't want to rush things unless it's going to be good for my growth. But I couldn't help but feel that I could certainly do at least as well as they were doing. I had already practice some today but when I got home I ended up practicing my duets for another hour. I think it was the very best playing I have done yet! I think I was inspired by future possibilities. My dream is still very much alive!

ABRSM

So far I've been unable to duplicate my miraculous feat from the other night. It's ok though. It will come in due time.

PY, good luck to you with your Grade 8 test!

I checked out the ABRSM website and the concept is very interesting. Maybe I should take a performance assessment at some point. They have representatives in Queens. As I've mentioned before I am always out to compare myself to other students because I have NO idea where I stand. Could I play in a high school level band? Or am I still playing at a junior high level? I guess it depends on the school. My friend is a high school music teacher but her band is playing really simple things like "Twinkle, Twinkle". Yet the kids in the Columbia University Orchestra are so good that I wonder how their high school bands must have been. A lot of them could have easily gone into a conservatory instead and in fact many of them are dual-enrolled at Julliard or Manhattan School of Music, or at least take lessons with professors from there. Are all high schoolers this good?

Anyway, so I checked out the ABRSM oboe syllabus to see where I fit in. I was looking around the site but couldn't find where they talked about the tempo for the scales. I could have sworn I read something about that at some point last year on that site. Well I could probably play just about any scale *very* slowly. And the ones that have 4 or less accidentals I could do a bit faster. I think I am at somewhere between 80 and 100 for eight notes (2 notes per beat) for those.

In terms of the repertoire I am not familiar with a lot of the material and the pieces I *have* heard of are on the more difficult side of the spectrum. I looked through my collection to try to find some intermediate level pieces and found several grade 4 pieces and a grade 5. Here's what I have:

(1) Tambourin - Hasse
(2) 4th mvt of Concerto No. 8 in B-flat Major (Vivace) - Handel
(3) Rigaudon - Rameau
(4) Sarabanda - Corelli
(5) Cui - Orientale (this one is the grade 5, all others are 4)

I have (1) and (2) on Music Minus one recordings and I heard number (5) online. Here is my impression of them:

(1) Ugh! Too fast for me and with difficult articulations. Also kind of long.
(2) Could probably play this so-so with a lot of practice, just don't expect any fancy cadenzas or anything of the sort. The notes are not the challenge: playing in tune and with dynamics control would be. As would be endurance.
(3) Ditto what I said for (1). Also seems like an intonation challenge with lots of high notes at the end when you're tired.
(4) Doable technique-wise at that slow tempo. The challenge here would be expression.
(5) Ok I am not sure I understand why this piece is grade 5 and the others are 4. I have been able to play the notes of this piece for a few months now. I think that with practice I could definitely do this one.

So let's ignore that grade 5 one because I *KNOW* I am not anywhere near that level. Most of the 4 ones are still out of reach for me but I could perhaps get to in the foreseeable future. If I can play some of the 4 stuff albeit badly then I guess I am not grade 1 nor 2. This leaves grade 3 as the reasonable choice where I could be comfortably challenged. The scale requirements are reasonable for me. I do need to practice the minors and arpeggios more. Maybe I will use these as a guide. Too bad I don't have any of the grade 3 music. Anyone have any suggestions for which one of those I should get?

What was that?

I'm sure many other music students do the same thing that I do every once in a while. Sometimes in the middle of practicing I will take a moment to play a snippet of some piece that I really like but is still way too hard for me. Even if you fumble it it's still fun to play real music.

One of my favorite little pieces to play badly in the comfort of my own home is the intro (first 4 bars) to "Le Tombeau de Couperin". I attempt to play this one at least a few times a week. Sometimes I play it ultra slow so that I can get all the notes, but then it doesn't sound very fun. Other times I play it at tempo and mess up the arpeggios but manage to save the trill-like second bar.

Well, tonight something miraculous happened. Maybe it was because I was so relaxed. I was getting tired of my one note exercises and decided to do my little Couperin thing. To my amazement, on the first try the first two bars both came out correctly for the first time ever. I was so amazed that I just stopped playing and screamed! HAHA! My husband was there and he clapped for me while I was busy laughing and screaming.

That was such a high! It's hard to express just how elated I felt right after I had nailed that. I wanted to smile so hard that my face would crack. Music is so wonderful :-)

Concerts

I wanted to start doing mini reviews of the concerts I go to, but I am rusty in terms of writing formally about music. Plus I'm also quite lazy. Maybe lazy is not the right term. Overextended.

I went to see Il Divo on the 11th of February and kept meaning to write about it. I'll admit at this moment that as much as I love Classical music, I know very little about and have listened to very little in terms of opera, or any Classical singing. It may be a cultural thing. Classical style singing sounds very foreign to me in comparison to the singing that I grew up with and am used to. So the few artists I am familiar with are of the "light" variety. I think that with time as I grow as an instrumentalist I will come to slowly develop a better appreciation of opera. But anyway, that's a whole other post.

Hayley Westenra opened up for Il Divo and ended up singing for almost an hour. I hadn't heard much about her other than her being young and that purists don't regard her as a serious Classical artist. I actually quite enjoyed her performance. Her voice was strong, clean, and pleasant to listen to. She reminded me a bit of Lorenna McKennit (she even did one of her songs!) but with a bigger sound. She had a tiny trio accompanying her and they did a nice job. The music itself was simple but her singing kept things interesting.

Il Divo, in contrast, was "big" on everything. They had a mini orchestra (yes they had an oboe!) and also a pop style orchestra. The setting was a bit dramatic: Grecian columns and laser lights. The music was at times "big" and so was their singing. I think that individually they have great voices and I especially enjoyed the duos. My favorite of the singers is Urs, the lower tenor. Carlos, the baritone, has such a strong voice that it sometimes distorted. Sebastien, the pop singer is quite good, but it was weird at times when he tried to emulate a more "classical" sound. It felt a bit contrived. I wasn't a huge fan of David, the higher tenor. For some reason he kept making me think of castrati.

Anyway, some of the arrangements were well done, using both the orchestra and the band well. On other songs I felt like we could have used more orchestra (read as: more oboe solos!). Kidding aside, I *was* surprised that there really weren't any real solos from the orchestra. Most times it was all tutti or the singing was so loud when the solos happened that you missed them. What bugged me the most were some of the voice harmonizations. As I mentioned earlier, they sounded really good when two or even three of them were singing at a time. But when all four came together the harmonies would sometimes get muddled. I don't think it was an intonation problem, it was just a matter of the arranger's taste. That, or the boys need to work on their dynamics.

That all being said I did enjoy the concert. Live music is always a blast. And who can resist all that virility?

So my next concert will be Imani Winds on the 25th. I'm looking forward to that because it's a wind quintet. And just today I got a flyer for a concert on the 26th where they will play "Rhapsody in Blue" which I love. Not sure if the hubby will let me go to concerts two days in a row though considering that we're technically living off loans. *sigh* Hopefully by May 2007 I will have money again because I am definitely going to this concert. NY Phil is FINALLY playing Brahms's 3rd! YAY!

Ok back to Organic Chemistry.

But this is what I'm most looking forward

I can't think of good titles anymore

Ok now that we've gotten that out of the way . . .

I had a great chat with Patty last night (sorry that I just disappeared, we had some trouble with our internet connection). It appears that I am not some kind of oboe idiot. She has to remind her students to keep their corners in and their chins flat too. YAY! I am normal!

Practices have been going ok. I feel like I am slowly digging out of my slump. The going is still very slow but I think I have finally understood the concepts that had been eluding me mentally. Now I can work on making them happen naturally. I guess that's one of the bad things about being an adult student. I need to rationalize things first before I commit to them. It's too hard for me to just "let go" and let them happen. I guess I've learned not to trust my body or something. Hopefully as I get better I'll build more confidence in my muscle memory.

When I first started playing oboe I couldn't quite understand why it had the reputation of being so darn hard to play. Having transfered from another (marginal) woodwind I was able to produce sound and learn where the notes were remarkably fast. But now that I've been spending almost all of my practice time playing just one note and trying to do crescendos on it without going sharp, it's all becoming crystal clear to me. I just hope I don't start having recurring nightmares about my tuner's needle . . .

I bought some more supplies today. That's always fun. There are some predatory people out there who know how obsessed we can be about our instruments. I have to stay away from all those websites because they sell so many damn cool gadgets. I did ok because I ended up getting only one gadget in addition to the two items I needed. You gotta love this reed soaker. Teehee.

Hormones back under control

So after having slept on yesterday's feelings I feel quite a bit better today. This early morning email (excerpts below) from my teacher definitely helped:

Excellent lesson today :-)

See how it goes focusing on the main topics we discussed. You're doing great!

All the energy you put into your playing/practicing will come back to you many times over...keep the faith!

I liked that last part: keep the faith. I think that's what I lost temporarily yesterday and whenever that happens a desperate feeling creeps up inside me. I knew going into this that the road would be very long and given my other commitments the road will end up being even longer. I have to remember to not panic nor give up hope. As long as I keep plodding along that road, I *will* get to where I want to be musically.

After my Biology lecture I went over to the hospital for one of my volunteer shifts. Because I am no longer pre-dental I signed up for two medical shifts. One on Mondays at the Metabolic Endocrinology clinic and one on Thursdays at the OB/Gyn clinic. I haven't made the Monday one yet because of the snow storm and the holiday, but today was my second time at the OB clinic. The great thing is that when I shadowed my friend last month he introduced me to one of the other residents and it just so happens that the same resident is at this clinic for the next two months. So as soon as she saw me she took me under her wing and has me follow her around and even help a little bit the entire afternoon. I must admit that whine as I do about it all, I do enjoy medicine. I still don't think it's quite the raw passion of music, but there is nothing I would rather do during my time away from music. If only medicine didn't completely consume you. Then life would be perfect.

My problem is compounded by the fact that I am not already good at my instrument. If it were only a matter of maintenance I wouldn't be so wary about going through the medical training process. If I could only practice an hour a day for a long stretch of time then I may not advance much but I should be able to retain a certain level of expertise. But in my case I am trying to get to the highest level I can attain. A part of me feels that the only way I will ever achieve my goal is if I had some time to devote myself fully to music and then later go back to my studies. But that's not practical. It's theoretically possible but I fear that eventually I'd come to resent my decision if I completely gave up on the sciences.

I'm going in tomorrow to speak to my advisor to let her know that I will likely be delaying my med school application a year. This means that I will be applying next year for admission September 2008. The main reason I am doing this is because I was completely overwhelmed trying to prepare for the April MCAT and do well in my classes. I'd rather take the test later and focus on my courses. The second reason I am doing this is because I am hoping that I can spend these next two and a half years focusing as much time as possible on the oboe. It will be to my advantage to improve as much as possible before medical school. I won't have as much free time again for another 7 years!

I hope this all works out. I dream of a time where I am working as a (part-time)doctor, have a happy family, and am playing in one or two groups of serious amateurs. Is it wrong of me to try to have it all? Am I kidding myself?

Yoga?

So my long awaited lesson was today. I can't even remember when my last lesson was. I think it was a Sunday in January.

It was great to see my teacher again. First we chatted a bit about her latest concert. It's always exciting to hear what it's like to play a professional gig. The performance went well and the group got favorable reviews.

Next we went over my reeds. I brought in three this time which was a record for me and I think I'll try to bring at least that many each time. It worked well to work in a group of three. Once I got my knife properly sharpened (on the big block sharpener as opposed to the ceramic sticks) I was able to scrape the best I have scraped yet. In fact, one of my reeds had a tip that was too thin! She finished them all off and I think two of the three should work out decently. I also adjusted two other reeds that I had started on previously lessons but had been too hard. So now I should have at least 4 working reeds. We'll see what happens tomorrow. The good thing is that I am starting to feel somewhat comfortable with the reed making process. I am getting a lot closer to producing something viable independently.

I had sent her an email earlier this week asking a lot of questions about musicality, phrasing, things of that nature. I am trying to be more expressive in my playing but it's frustrating because my (lack of) technique prevents me from doing anything fancy. In the end it turns out that my old friend the embouchure still needs some more attention. She did see improvement as I am now targeting the correct muscles. But I am not using them actively enough, merely using them as "support". She suggested that I work harder on the reed alone exercise. I need to work on pitch control and sound quality. My teacher is convinced that once I master my embouchure that I will be able to play the way I want to. Right now I play mostly in tune, but some notes cause me trouble. My sound isn't always consistent and I don't have much dynamics control. This is why I have been feeling that my playing wasn't as expressive as it can be. She told me not to worry about all those elements yet and just focus on being able to control intonation with my chops. I am determined to get over this last hump and start playing some music sooner rather than later!

The other major suggestion my teacher made today was that I take up yoga. She noticed a LOT of tension on me in general and especially when I am playing. I think I try so hard that I sabotage my own efforts. From what I've read in books and articles about practicing I definitely do have some nerve issues that I need to work on. She thinks that the tension is playing a bit role in holding me back from where I can be. (I told her that I was feeling a bit stunted in my growth.) Also I need to work a LOT on my breathing. I think I am definitely going to take up the yoga especially since it was something I had been thinking about anyway. I do feel disconnected with my body and it is causing me issues in many areas of my life. And if it's happening to interfere with my oboe playing then that is the perfect excuse to finally address the problem.

All in all I'd say that the lesson was good. I didn't get as nervous as I usually do and I didn't regress and start acting silly and childish like I have at times. My reeds were good and my embouchure and playing did show some improvement. If I could devote more hours to my instrument I would probably see even more progress.

On that note, it seems that I've been devoting a lot of energy lately to feeling sad about the way things worked out with me. Well not really sad. I am very happy really. But I do still feel that twinge of regret at not having started younger and having had a least a shot of dreaming of living as a professional musician. Even now, knowing that it is a hopeless case, the pull to drop everything and just do music is exceedingly strong. It doesn't help that my husband says he'd support me if I did this (we'd have to sell everything and go back to renting a cheap, small apartment). I just keep thinking about what it would be like to be able to do just what I love all day. Would I get sick of it? Could I keep up? Would I be too lazy to practice enough? Could I actually get really good?? A part of me wishes I had the option of being able to become the best I could be despite me starting as an adult. If I could do only music for the next 5 years or so, how good could I get?? Then again, what does it matter. It's not as if I were able to make it my life even if I did get somewhat good. Then my thoughts get more morbid, like how about if I live only 5 more years? If I have to spend the next 5 years studying so hard, I won't have become the best oboist I could have become. How would I feel then during those last moments? I certainly won't regret not having studied more. I would regret not having played more. Never getting good enough to play in even a crappy orchestra.

I don't like these thoughts and don't understand where they are coming from. The logical part of me is happy enough to have finally found my passion after about 12 years of searching. The logical part of me also feels that my potential to be a good scientist or clinician is probably greater than my musical potential. And I want so desperately to be good at something. I may have a good ear but performance doesn't really come naturally to me. Understanding scientific concepts is usually easier for me than taking a proper breath before a phrase.

I *am* extremely happy just to have the oboe in my life. To be able to hear it sing above the rest of the orchestra, to learn it, to love it. It's just painful sometimes to work so hard at something (school) other than where my heart is (music).

Maybe this is where the yoga will help.

I guess I'm going in the right direction

Even though I'd love to live for music! Must . . . play . . . lottery . . .

You Should Get a PhD in Science (like chemistry, math, or engineering)

You're both smart and innovative when it comes to ideas. Maybe you'll find a cure for cancer - or develop the latest underground drug.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Oh, I got a cello on the "what orchestra istrument are you" survey. I can't get the results to format correctly.

Though I do like the cello, I wanted to be an oboe since my oboe obsession knows no boundries. *cries and hugs her oboe case*

Edit: I just took that test over again and I got cello again!! 100%!! Oboe was 2nd at 83%. Weird. The hubby is a French Horn.

Who's at the door?

So I just got back from the practice room. This is the practice room that I've rented out from the school on Wednesdays from 3-5 PM. The main purpose is to have a place for my teacher and me to meet at. But I figured I may as well use it on non-lesson Wednesdays as a practice room (what a novel idea!).

There is only one problen. I tend to get embarassed. When my teacher is there I feel like I have moral support. Besides every once in a while she plays on her oboe and it's always something nice. I am afraid of what others think when they hear me as they walk by. It's not a heavily transited hallway, but it IS located in Dodge Hall where the MUSIC department is at. That means that real musicians might be walking around. And these folks may not realize that there is an adult beginner in that practice room. Thay may think "Geez that person sucks". Or "What the hell is that anyway?" Silly me, right?

Then I figured: who cares what they think. It's not as though they can see me anyway. And even the best musician was a beginner at some point (though probably while they were still in grammar school not college). Oh well, I have to get over all that. Nothing I can do about it now and the only thing that will get me where I want to be is practicing. Besides, I do have a lot of fun practicing (even if I still can't play the Saint-Saens sonata).

I've been struggling with a lot of emotional issues lately, with the whole music thing being part of the mix. This tends to happen when I have to spend inordinate amounts of time on non-musical things (like textbooks). Back when I was in college and a newly minted Music major I did seriously consider picking up an orchestral instrument. But, then I realized that I had no discipline for anything. I didn't think it possible for me to spend hours upon hours doing any one thing. Fast forward 10 years. Now I am studying Organic Chemistry for 8 hours at a time. Suddenly practicing for 4 hours doesn't seem like such an impossible feat. If my mouth could hold out that long, I think I could totally do it. Today I ended up practicing for about 75 minutes. If my lifestyle permitted it, I could have several of those sessions every day. If only I had believed in myself back then!

I am willing to work very hard at the things that mean a lot to me now. Only problem is that it is music that means the most to me. Yet it is the one thing that I can no longer aspire to careerwise. So sometimes when I have been studying my science textbooks for hours and hours I feel a bit sad. It's kind of unfair that I have this passion that I can't live for (unless I win the lotto). It's painful to spend a lot of energy on something else instead, even though I do like the other thing too. I keep telling myself that as long as I have some time to develop my talent I will be fine. But sometimes I find myself really wishing that I could do something crazy like enroll in this program and never work again!

Anyway, I am actually feeling pretty good right now. I had a nice practice session and have rehearsal for that rock band tonight. My interest in the latter has waned because I've been spending a lot of mental energy daydreaming about me playing chamber music and symphonies. But hey it should be a fun outlet for me during these stressful times so for now I will stay in the band. However, come summertime I may have to leave it for greener pastures. Our quartet should start rehearsing again by then. I can't wait!! I am pretty sure they will see some kind of improvement in my playing since the last time we met.

I can only hope that my teacher will hear improvement at our lesson next week! *gulp*

Short and sweet

After a week of haphazard short practices I was finally able to get in over an hour last night and tonight. That was great. It's crazy how quickly your endurance suffers. My embouchure felt a bit weak for the longer practices so I will continue to focus on that. Tonight my fingers felt more comfortable than last night which is good since last night I felt somewhat clumsy on my scales. I've been working on my other Sellner exercise (an F major one) and have most of it ironed out now. Sometimes B-flats still trip me up. I sometimes stumble with fingering between A, B-flat, and C. I still blame it on the saxophone!

I hope to work on more reeds after my exams next week so I should have at least 2-3 to bring with me to the lesson on the 22nd.

So there you have it. I've been running around taking care of a lot of school related stuff and my practicing suffered. I also haven't worked on reeds in almost two weeks! But now that things are mostly settled I should be able to get back to my old routine. I won't be able to step it up to the next level (2 hours/day, practices with others) until after the semester is over. I just hope to be able to get 30-60 minutes in daily during all the MCAT craziness. My Kaplan course starts tomorrow! *gulp*

My bassoonist friend called me yesterday to let me know that he's still interested in the quartet but is very busy right now too. I guess the timing works ok. Now I have something to look forward to for the Summer. It will be amazing to play with the quartet again. I think I will be able to contribute more now that my intonation and sound are better. And it will be fun to read and play a greater variety of music.

Because of the cost of my Kaplan course I was unable to apply to the Apple Hill summer program. But I *will* look around and see if there is anything local for adults. More on that later. For now, sleep. :-)

Lessons learned

I realized that using just the date as my title is redundant since the editor already dates the entries. So I guess I'll try to come up with something creative again. Oh, the pressure!

I had my lesson today and overall I'd say it went quite well. My last few had not been entirely good. I felt as though I was frustrating my teacher. I tend to regress during my music lessons and act like an adolescent. I can't help it. It's like I'm watching myself do it but can't stop it. Maybe subconsciously I am acting that way to make up for having missed out on the whole music experience as a child. That would be pretty pathetic. Today I resisted the temptation to do anything childish like whine, make excuses, be overly nervous and jittery, etc.

Today there were only two minor incidents. Both because I used the word "weird" to describe something about my playing which I didn't like. She wanted me to be very specific (e.g. What about my high E's was I not satisfied with? They used to have a closed, muted sound.)

As usual we go over reed stuff first. I won't bore folks with reed details but I'll mention that I've been too heavy handed with the knife. So she went over a modified grasp using only three fingers that will force me to have a lighter touch. I didn't really have a reed to show today because I killed the one I was working on (tore the tip).

Next we worked on the reed alone exercise and then scales. She was excited that I had indeed made progress with my embouchure. I was so relieved. If I had had to hear her tell me one more time that I need to commit to the new embouchure I think I would have cried. It's been lots of months of hard work to try to change my embouchure so I am so happy that it's finally showing. And sounding - my tone quality definitely has changed for the better as I've adopted a more circular embouchure. She said that it seems that now I am just putting the finishing touches on it. WOOT!

In terms of my scales and etudes she noted improved intonation on all of them and said that I don't have any technical issues, that what I need to work on now is "line". I must pay more attention to the air and dynamics and phrasing issues now that I am getting a better hang of the basics. I knew that was coming because I was feeling that my playing was not quite as musical as it should be, what surprised me was the comment about not having technical issues. I've had this notion since childhood that technique is the difficult part of music. I'd listen or watch pianist play difficult pieces and what would amaze me was the physical aspect of it. How can they move their fingers so quickly? How do they always hit the right note? But as I got more and more involved in the musical world it always seemed that the professionals would never count technique as the hard thing, they'd say that expression is harder and more important. I always found this odd or counter-intuitive for some reason. I guess since I've always looked for precision and "perfection" in the things I do, I was sort of thinking that same in terms of music. When I played the sax the only exercise my first teacher would give me was scales. Every week he wanted to hear them faster and more precise. I think I have translated that to my oboe studies. Obviously I've had a lot of sound production issues since the oboe is a whole different beast, but I *have* been focusing a lot on technical things because I was still thinking that it is what divides the beginners from the more advanced students. But now I see that technique is not everything. What good is perfect technique if your playing is lifeless and doesn't say anything? Very interesting thing to think about. I definitely need to dwell on it some more.

I am not sure why she made the technique comment since I still feel so inadequate. A lot of my intervals are not exactly in tune or are messy. My scales are not always even. Maybe my fingers look funny as I play. But I guess what she means is that compared to everything else, all that should be the least of my worries. Perhaps, after all, some of the sax playing HAS been useful to me in my switch to the oboe. Weird. (Oops, there's that word again. I think it had officially become my most overused word.)

I'll still focus on technique because you can't play beautifully without it. But I *will* start thinking more about the other things. Those things I was taking for granted but which I see now are the TRUE measures of "goodness" (hehe, not sure I will refer to my playing as "greatness" any time soon).

At the end of the lesson she assured me that if I stay focused how I've been that I will conquer all the basics and that then we can work on my repertoire and playing lots of music. She even said that playing with others is in the horizon. It sounded like I can think about being in smallish groups some time this year!! YAY!!! Maybe I *will* audition for the Wind Ensemble in the fall. *does a little dance*

Well, I am off to write out a schedule for myself for the next few months. Things are going to get really crazy really fast for me and I have to ensure that I will still have at least an hour for my oboe. Hopefully when the semester is over I can finally go up to two.

January 19, 2006

In typical me fashion I procrastinated about the whole career decision to the point where I almost missed out being able to apply this year. The school set up an arbitrary deadline of 5PM today for you to submit a ton of paperwork to the Dean, including 6 essays (one of which was to descibe why you chose the field you are going into). Well, silly little me hadn't started any of the essays (not even the ones I COULD have started) because I was too busy being confused/overwhelmed/scared by the decision. When I went in to speak with my advisor on Tuesday I figured she would tell me that I had to wait it out anyway in order to be sure of my decision. But that's not what she said. She told me she expected my stuff in by the deadline. That was less than 48 hours away!

At 4:59 today I handed all my paperwork in, including 18 pages of essays. Ouch my aching head!

This is only the beginning of a whole year of craziness for me. I am trying hard not to freak out. I went from being confused and living day to day to being a med school applicant. Suddenly there is a LONG list of things that need to get done during the course of the year. Scary things!

I will need strength from God in order to manage my time well. The only way I will be able to do all this and still be able to play my oboe is if I take control of my life and my time. I have to stop procrastinating and I need to stay on top of everything.

Anyway, here is part of a quick note I wrote to my teacher today. We should be meeting on Sunday for my next lesson.

I was unable to practice last night because of the writing, but the night before I practiced for a little over an hour. I'm starting to understand how it is that serious players practice many hours a day. Sometimes I feel like I've done nothing but long tones and some scales when the hour is up. If I wanted to also practice my repertoire I really need two hours minimum.

On Tuesday I ended up doing arpeggios in the key of C after my usual warm up. I hadn't seriously worked on them before because my intervals were just way too dirty. Now they are ok enough to not hurt my ears. It was quite a challenging exercise! I had about 20 minutes left to practice my Jacob pieces before my mouth got overly tired. Your reed is still working wonderfully for me, but my two reeds are hit or miss.

I am about to go down now to practice. I'm thinking of working on some technical etudes today (maybe from the Sellner book) and maybe devote some more time to the pieces.

If only I had 2 or 3 extra hours each day :-)

A decision

Might it really be over? The career dilemma of the millennium? I wonder this as I sit here typing my "why medicine?" essay for my advisor . . .

Remember when you were younger and you were starting to fall "in love" with someone? At first you'd deny it to yourself. Other would start to notice but you'd deny it to them too. You would try to talk yourself out of it, finding countless faults in your object of interest. This would go on for a while until eventually you'd be unavailable to contain yourself and would submit to the forces of love. My career decision journey has been very similar to this. I think I am finally ready to take things to the next level.

Rock star!

Who would have thought that one day I'd be a rock star???



The Spanish rock/pop band I've been rehearsing with (as back-up vocalist) since October *finally* made its debut. It was very strange being onstage as a singer and not an instrumentalist. I felt a bit uncomfortable because I am more at home being in the back actually making the music. Thankfully I remembered my days as a ballet dancer and remembered to smile and interact with the audience as much as a shy person could. I'm not particularly shy face-to-face, but I did feel weird being the only girl in the band. It's not like I'm a sex symbol. I am a nerd at heart and felt uncomfortable that I would get the wrong kind of attention. I was hoping that folks would see me as a serious member of the band, not just there to be looked at. For the most part I think that's how I was perceived. Not showing much skin helped.

Anyway, don't think that I'm really a singer. I have no true vocal technique. The only reason I can sort of fake this is because it's in a pop style not too dissimilar from what is used at my church (at which I've been singing for over 10 years). From the beginning the lead singer was more interested in someone who could harmonize and stay in tune than someone with a huge, powerful voice. I can make myself blend easily. Last night the sound engineers worked wonders for my weak little voice. He made me sound as loud as the lead singer. Woohoo!

I hadn't been in a club in years. Probably since my las gig as a saxophonist in 2000. Gosh did I feel old and frumpy last night. And chubby (to not use the "F" word). Most girls there looked like models. I tried not to dwell on it too much before we went up on stage, but I was definitely more than a bit self conscious up there. After we played we stayed for a little while and I kept wondering where my youth went. I can't help but lament for the times that have passed. It's not to say that I am not happy now. In fact, I am the happiest I've ever been. But I do wish I had had more fun when I was younger. Especially back when I had that size 6 body. *sigh*

I had a nice oboe session tonight. It was only an hour but I focused mostly on long tones and sound. I am starting to feel a lot more comfortable with my embouchure. It's a lot more circular than it used to be. I hope that my teacher sees improvement in it this time. I think it has to be better because my intonation has been consistently better too. Even my high A sounded ok tonight! I ended up making a tiny adjustment to one of the little screws that seemed to help things (my side octave key didn't seem to be completely overriding the regular one). I hope to play more music in my upcoming sessions.

Still alive!

Hey! I'm still here and still practicing every day, though not always getting the full hour in this week. The program I'm in will be over tomorrow and then I should have time to update more frequently again.

I had two bad days of practice earlier this week. I think this was because I had a BAD fight with my father on Sunday. It was so bad that I had physical symptoms of rage and everything and then felt ill/tired for the next two days. On those two days my practicing seemed to go back but I did it anyway. Luckily last night things were back on the upswing. My embouchure is feeling more confident and my intonation was good. Even that high A was sounding better. Yay!

Is it normal for your emotional state to affect your playing?

I'm not tone deaf!

Hahaha! I had fun doing this test I found on Patty's site.

The results are in. I'm not tone deaf. :-p


Hearing Test Results
You correctly identified 26 tunes (out of 26) on the Distorted Tunes Test. Congratulations! You have a fine sense of pitch.

Thank you for taking the Distorted Tunes Test. More information about the the NIDCD's research into tone deafness is available from Dr. Dennis T. Drayna's web page.

As I was taking the quiz I was asking myself "are there really tone-deaf people?" It's not an entirely facetious question. Music has always been such an important part in my life and I have always been able to hear it well. I have never really stopped to think what it would be like to not be able to understand pitches at all. I read up on it a bit and while the term "tone-deaf" is used casually to refer to those with no musical training (and little talent) there really is a medical condition that prohibits some from hearing differences in pitch. These people can not appreciate music. How terribly sad. :(

High A

Been running around a lot but I've still managed to play both yesterday and today. Yesterday I didn't get home until 11:30 PM and that's when I ended up practicing. My neighbors must love me!

Today I practiced before leaving for my friend's house. I got another hour plus in. Oh, and I also discovered that I have been doing something wrong all along. I had been trying to finger high A using BOTH the side octave and the regular octave key. I remember this coming up with my first teacher and I could swear that he said it was ok to use both. But maybe he meant either, not both at the same time. Anyway, my high A's have ALWAYS given me a hard time. Not just pitch wise. They always sounded completely wild. Airy, raspy, gurgly, you name it. It never sounded like a normal oboe note. No wonder!!

Wow, if I can get that note to speak normally from now on it will be a whole new chapter for me. It hadn't really come up in my lessons with my new teacher because I rarely play in the higher register with her. We've been focusing on fixing my embouchure and sound and usually stay in the low register. At home when I'd play music for fun I would always avoid the note.

I read up in 4 different books that the A is normally fingered with the side octave key only but can also be fingered with the regular one. All of the books said you should never use both at the same time. I hope I haven't damaged the mechanism somehow by doing this. I really need to take it in for a re-adjustment anyway. I have a feeling something is not right up there because the A doesn't really speak with the side octave key, only with the regular one.

I feel so silly now!

Day 3

Ok so today I practiced a little over an hour. Well, I was downstairs for about 80 minutes, but I'd say maybe 60 tops was playing. When people count practice time do they count the few minutes in between things while you think about what you just did or what you will be doing next?

Tonight I did feel my chops start tiring at around 30 minutes and by the hour mark I could barely make the embouchure anymore so I stopped. Am I practicing enough at this point? Or am I practicing too much for a beginner embouchure?

Tonight I did long tones, crescendo/decrescendo long tones, and some octaves again. Then I did scales for about half of my practice time. I tried to get them to be in tune and smoother/even. I tried both your suggestions. I think I am getting better at starting in one motion. I am also trying hard to start with the narrowest embouchure possible. It's easier when I start practicing and am fresh and only doing one note at a time. As I do more notes and get more tired I have to fight the smiling tendency more and more.

I worked on the Jacob pieces some more. My favorite one is the Air at the end. I also played through the Scherzetto some tonight. I am getting somewhere near the ballpark of the marked tempo.

Tonight I had trouble with my side octave A again. I really do feel sometimes that it's something with the instrument. It was coming out quite fine at first then it started gurgling. I did have some water in the tiny key at the very top (the one operated by the side octave key) so I figured it was just that. But when I played again it was still coming out gurgly/fluttery. I tried blowing harder, blowing softer, super open embouchure, pinched, everything and it was still acting funny. I changed reeds and still had the same problem. I decided to just keep playing and avoid that note as much as possible. Then at one point I thought I felt something sort of click and then it was sounding sort of ok again. Perhaps something is out of adjustment? Is there anything else I can try before taking it to the shop?

Ok, good night!

January 4, 2006

Howdy!

I started practicing a bit later than I intended because a friend called and we talked for an hour. So I ended up only getting in 45 minutes.

I played on one of my reeds tonight (the first one you worked on - the one with the too thin tip and the heavy heart). It wasn't flat tonight. The only issue I had with it was the low C not responding very well.

I started with long tones again tonight, focusing mostly on not biting and intonation. Though I still have a ways to go in terms of being consistent with intonation and embouchure I feel that I've definitely made progress from where I was a few months ago. My playing is a lot more in tune.

I worked on the middle E and F and side octave A again (strong air!), and also on the C-D change exercise which you suggested. The nice thing about focusing on little things is that you can see improvement quickly. For instance I was working on a C scale before doing that exercise and it felt clumsy at the register break. After I did C-D-C-D for a few minutes I went back to the scale and it was smoother. Voila! Now I just need to do that with all the other pesky intervals every day for a few years! *giggle*

The rest of the time I worked on scales (eigth notes at 80 - did C, F, G, and D major several times each).

I definitely wanted to play more tonight but I have to go to bed now because of my commute to Newark. I was in good spirits tonight while I practiced. It didn't feel tedious even though I didn't play any real music.

Ok, good night!

January 3, 2006

Ok so I went down to my basement to practice for about 75 minutes
tonight.

The first thing I usually do is try a few reeds to see how they're
faring. The two that I started and you worked on yesterday were
both a tiny bit hard today and somewhat flat. Your reed was great
so I stayed with that one and didn't go back to the others (I'll
try to break them in some later this week).

I did some long tones mostly in the lower register but also tried
the higher E, F, and G (the notes that were sounding kind of weak
yesterday). The G was ok from the get-go but the E and F took a
while to start opening up. I have to think about the egg in my
mouth again in order to get those to not sound muffled.

I didn't do any real scales tonight but instead worked on some
technical exercises from an old book I had lying around (Tunes for
Oboe Technic). They were easy tunes but I wanted to play something
more musical now that I had a nice reed.

I did the octave exercise you gave me at our other lesson in between
the tunes. And other similar exercises I found on the web (for
register changes/octaves).

I worked on my two Sellner exercises a bit also (#7 on page 11 and
#7 on page 15). I also worked on the Siciliano and Air Jacob
pieces. Did I leave my music on your stand? I ended up playing
from the piano accompaniment sheet music I had at home.

I think that was it. I wasn't particularly intense in terms of
technique tonight but I did try to zero in on my chops as much as I
could and also tried to focus on strong air. I'd say it was a nice
practice because it left me wanting to keep playing (but my mouth
was too tired!).

Self-fulfilling prophecies

So I had my lesson last night at my teacher's apartment. It was my first time going there since we had always met either at the school where she teaches or more recently at a practice room at my school. For some reason that made me nervous as did the fact that I hadn't practiced as regularly as I would have liked since our last lesson. Oh, and I also managed to crack one of the three reeds I had been working on!

We ended up spending most of our time on reeds which is fine since I was in my reed slump of 2005. Turns out that one of the reeds I worked on had a tip that was almost too thin (compared to the overly thick heart I left behind it). Woohoo! An almost too thin tip is sort of an improvement since I never got close to taking off enough from the tip before. That was the reed that had a decent sound but was flat. She was able to balance it out by scraping the heart down some and clipping the tip (she also had to bring the tip back somewhat). The other reed was, as usual, not finished enough. I also bought one of her reeds so tonight I should have at least three decent sounding reeds. Let's see what happens.

I was dismayed when she confirmed that I was *STILL* reverting to a bit of a smiley embouchure. In fact I was doing all sorts of funny things with my mouth. I think that now I am so aware and nervous about doing it right that I move my mouth into like 100 different positions before I even make a sound. Every time that she forced me to just set the position once and play immediately I would actually do it right. The less worked up I got about it, the better it was. UGH. Point is that I can now form a correct embouchure. Now I have to build up my chops so that it stays correct. And I need to R-E-L-A-X.

The other problem (ok maybe I should call it "area of improvement") was air speed. This is a new one. Well, not new in the sense that it wasn't around but new because we hadn't gotten around to that one yet. So I guess that's progress too. Eventually I calmed down enough to form a decent embouchure but then I was getting some weak sounding notes. I thought it was something with my fingers but my teacher pointed out that it was lazy air (and she was right). I had been having trouble with E and F up in the middle and the high A. It dawned on me that the air problem was more broad. For instance, some times when I play real music (as opposed to exercises) I get a feeling that I am sounding "unmusical". Perhaps this stems from my air deficiency. There was a bar in the piece I played last night that never came out how I wanted. It had a register change which I think I usually backed off from so that it always sounded insecure. When I played it with "warm, beautiful" air as my teacher suggested it finally came out how I had been feeling it. She suggested I work on some of the intervals that were giving me a hard time. I am going to try to work those types of technical exercises into my embouchure regimen somehow. The only way that my lessons will progress is if I commit to getting these basics down.

I just realized that I am so afraid of never blossoming into that player I want to become that I may be sabotaging my efforts! Like I think in my head "I am always going to suck. I am going to play this wrong" and then I do and then I say "See, I suck". I am trying to deprogram myself from that mentality lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I *know* I can do this if I just let what's inside come through (and remain focused and disciplined). The only way that I will get to where I want to be is by diligent practice. Nothing else. I need to just stop with all the silly mind games already.

I think my teacher picked up on my funky mood last night because when I got home today she had emailed me about the lesson and she happened to mention that she wished we had had more time to actually play. It's so funny because last night after my lesson I kept daydreaming about the day when I'd go in and play beautiful music for an hour. She wants me to send her a daily email about my oboe activities/questions so that I can get help from her in between our lessons. I think she sensed that I tend to talk talk talk during lessons because she's the only other oboist I know in real life. So hopefully if I can get things out during our emails then we'll have more time to play during lessons. Sounds good to me! Plus now I will be accountable for my practicing every day. *gulp*

Maybe I will copy my emails to her into the blog for a while because I'd like to keep a record of them. Even before she suggested this I was thinking of keeping a daily account of my oboe activities anyway. This will force me to do it.

Hope everyone is having good practice sessions/rehearsals!

Last day of vacation

Before I forget: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful time and that this year will bring all much health and happiness.

Here is a funny video of our grand entrance on New Year's Eve. My mom wanted us to arrive at my cousin's singing traditional holiday tunes. Keep in mind that most of my family is tone deaf though: Video (will probably take a long time to load).

So my lesson it today finally. Between the two of us I think we got it rescheduled about 3 times. I was supposed to bring in 3 new reeds, but I managed to crack one in half again. I need to learn to channel my frustration elsewhere while I am reed making LOL! The other two that managed to survive are so-so. One has an ok sound but is flat. I am always afraid to keep working on them and ruin them. I know I should probably clip it some but the tip is already so thin that I am scared.

I am a bit nervous about my lesson because my practicing was all over the place during the month of December. I've done better the last week but I'm hoping that I won't be noticeably worse than last lesson. Also, my husband and sister-in-law will have to come to the lesson with me because we have rock band rehearsal right after it. I did tell you all I'm singing backup in a Spanish rock band, right? I have to try to get a picture of that!

So today is sort of my last day of vacation. Starting tomorrow I will have to commute to downtown Newark every weekday for 2 weeks to attend the "Gateway to Dentistry" program. I am *PRAYING* that my participation in the program will clear my mind up one way or another regarding the profession. The program is over on the 13th and classes start the following week. So technically I do have one more lazy Monday, but for some reason I have a feeling it will be hectic as hell. C'est la vie.

A bit of a slump

Soon as I posted all my wonderful goals for my second year of oboe playing I ran into a week of finals and then a nasty slump (or was the slump a result of the week of finals). During the finals craziness I was unable to practice every day and when I did I could only go for about 30 minutes or so. I think I was too stressed out perhaps. Then once finals were over I felt too tired to "work" on practicing. Plus I had fallen out of habit and it felt a bit like starting over again.

So the last two weeks were hit or miss until tonight when I finally forced myself (with the help of the hubby) to resume my old practice habits. I got a good hour plus in and was feeling so much better by the end of it. My sound didn't suffer tremendously from the craziness of the last few weeks but my fingers did feel a bit stiff and my embouchure tired easily. Maybe in a way this is a good thing. Maybe I will finally forget my old, wrong, smiley embouchure.

I've tried to keep a positive outlook regarding reeds but I feel that I must mention them as being at least partly at fault for my slump. I don't have a single good reed right now! I had been using one that my teacher made me in October and it is now officially dead. I should take a picture of it, it's pretty funny. It kept playing even though it was almost completely frayed. The ones that I started are all mediocre even though my teacher helped me finish them off. I think I was supposed to make further adjustments. Or perhaps I am tying them wrong. Today I ended up resurrecting my previous "wonder" reed. It has problems with some of the low notes and with the high A, but most everything else sounds nice and in tune. If I had had a nice reed during the last few weeks practicing could have been a nice outlet for me. I could have gone downstairs and just played a few tunes and called it a day. However, I knew that I had to contend with 10 bad reeds. How much fun is that when you're worried about synthesizing alkyl halides or transcription errors? I think I avoided the instrument partly because of the reed problem. Because I knew I would get frustrated which is exactly what happened each time I played. Our instrument is sooooooo beautiful when the reed just does what it's supposed to do. Why can't they all be wonder reeds?? *sniff sniff*

But anyway, now that I am no longer stressed out I was able to be more positive again and I tackled my fear and faced it and it wasn't half bad. Yes, I still have no good reeds, but I am still able to get some practicing in until I meet with my teacher on Saturday.

So guess what I will be doing tonight while I watch House?? Ding, ding, ding, 10 points for you if you guessed that I'll be tying new reeds.

Serenade

I heard something I really liked on Monday night as I was driving home from one of my finals. It was Dvorak's "Serenade for Winds in d, opus 44". Simply amazing!

I am really startig to think that it might actually be better to play in a smallish ensemble than in a big orchestra. I mean I would still love to play a symphony but there is so much out there for smaller ensembles, pieces which really showcase all the instruments and which sound like a lot of fun to play.

Someday! I've been bad bad bad with my practicing because of finals. I need to get back on track!

But first I must catch up on sleep. I've gotten around 16 hours for the last 4 nights combined.

Oboe anniversary

December was usually a busy month at work as all the client teams were involved in year-end processing. In spite of all the work I had, I remembering running out of work early on this day last year. I *had* to get to Greenwich before 6 and the weather was a bit crazy that day. A few weeks before this I had decided I would try out an oboe and had finally found a place that had one. My oboe was waiting for me at Greenwich Music so long as I got there by 6.

I did get there on time and so I drove the rest of the way home with an old Selmer oboe (and two store bought reeds) as my passenger(s). I had downloaded a little "how to play the oboe" book from the Fox website and it was what helped me take those first steps.

I played three notes that day: B, A, and G, all of which were horrendously out of tune and all of which sounded like a cross between a bagpipe, a kazoo, and a goose. I was undeterred, however, and with those three notes I began a wonderful new journey.

When I told my friends I was thinking of playing oboe most of them warned me of all the hardships that lay ahead. Because of the dire warnings, I had very low expectations. I figured it would be years before I could even play scales. And maybe 10-20 years to play in an orchestral setting. It's a wonder I took up the instrument at all, me being as impatient as I am. But for whatever reason it passed the trial and since December 9, 2004 there has not been a day that I have not at least thought about the oboe.

So today I've been playing oboe for a year and I'm happy to report that things are going much better than I initially expected. Though I only played 3 notes that first day within a month I was playing almost two octaves. I was able to start on scales within months, not years. I still need to work on even-ing out the sound of my scales (oboes have some notes that can sound pretty funky if you're not careful) but as of right now they are pretty much in tune and decently clean. I've been practicing scales with up to 4 flats or sharps. With the help of my new teacher, I've learned a lot about reed making (though I'm not completely independent yet) and have been working hard on correcting my embouchure. My sound has definitely progressed to something more oboe-like. Every once in a while I'll be playing something and it actually sounds nice. That's the best feeling in the world!

I've already started playing with some friends who play other woodwinds and I no longer think it will take 10-20 years to play in a community orchestra. Maybe just 5. I should also mention that I eventually bought my very own Lorée oboe.

I am pumped because though the going has felt slow on a day to day basis I see now that I have advanced pretty nicely this year.

For the coming year these are my goals:
* To finally nail the correct embouchure consistently.
* To practice more consistently and for longer periods of time. I averaged an hour a day every day this year but I know that I can do way better. There were probably only 20 days or so during the entire year where I didn't practice at all. I want that total to be less than 10 for next year. Also I want to bring up my practice time to two hours a day minimum.
* To work on all scales: adding the ones with 5-7 accidentals, working more on minor scales, and doing arpeggios. I need to work on an even tone in all registers and on consistent intonation. I also need to work on speeding things up.
* To work on dynamics and articulation.
* To start working on some of the easy pieces from the standard oboe repertoire.
* To get close to being independent with reed making (hopefully my teacher will only need to make minor adjustments to the reed I bring in).
* To attend a Summer chamber music festival (I'm applying to applehill).
* To perform with my friends (as a duo, trio, or quartet) at small functions.
* I may even audition for the Wind Ensemble next September depending on how I am sounding by then. They only have 1 oboe right now!

So there you have it. A recap of my first year as an oboist. I am even more passionate about it than when I first started and an ever thankful for finally finding my life's love.