So I just got back from the practice room. This is the practice room that I've rented out from the school on Wednesdays from 3-5 PM. The main purpose is to have a place for my teacher and me to meet at. But I figured I may as well use it on non-lesson Wednesdays as a practice room (what a novel idea!).
There is only one problen. I tend to get embarassed. When my teacher is there I feel like I have moral support. Besides every once in a while she plays on her oboe and it's always something nice. I am afraid of what others think when they hear me as they walk by. It's not a heavily transited hallway, but it IS located in Dodge Hall where the MUSIC department is at. That means that real musicians might be walking around. And these folks may not realize that there is an adult beginner in that practice room. Thay may think "Geez that person sucks". Or "What the hell is that anyway?" Silly me, right?
Then I figured: who cares what they think. It's not as though they can see me anyway. And even the best musician was a beginner at some point (though probably while they were still in grammar school not college). Oh well, I have to get over all that. Nothing I can do about it now and the only thing that will get me where I want to be is practicing. Besides, I do have a lot of fun practicing (even if I still can't play the Saint-Saens sonata).
I've been struggling with a lot of emotional issues lately, with the whole music thing being part of the mix. This tends to happen when I have to spend inordinate amounts of time on non-musical things (like textbooks). Back when I was in college and a newly minted Music major I did seriously consider picking up an orchestral instrument. But, then I realized that I had no discipline for anything. I didn't think it possible for me to spend hours upon hours doing any one thing. Fast forward 10 years. Now I am studying Organic Chemistry for 8 hours at a time. Suddenly practicing for 4 hours doesn't seem like such an impossible feat. If my mouth could hold out that long, I think I could totally do it. Today I ended up practicing for about 75 minutes. If my lifestyle permitted it, I could have several of those sessions every day. If only I had believed in myself back then!
I am willing to work very hard at the things that mean a lot to me now. Only problem is that it is music that means the most to me. Yet it is the one thing that I can no longer aspire to careerwise. So sometimes when I have been studying my science textbooks for hours and hours I feel a bit sad. It's kind of unfair that I have this passion that I can't live for (unless I win the lotto). It's painful to spend a lot of energy on something else instead, even though I do like the other thing too. I keep telling myself that as long as I have some time to develop my talent I will be fine. But sometimes I find myself really wishing that I could do something crazy like enroll in this program and never work again!
Anyway, I am actually feeling pretty good right now. I had a nice practice session and have rehearsal for that rock band tonight. My interest in the latter has waned because I've been spending a lot of mental energy daydreaming about me playing chamber music and symphonies. But hey it should be a fun outlet for me during these stressful times so for now I will stay in the band. However, come summertime I may have to leave it for greener pastures. Our quartet should start rehearsing again by then. I can't wait!! I am pretty sure they will see some kind of improvement in my playing since the last time we met.
I can only hope that my teacher will hear improvement at our lesson next week! *gulp*
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Short and sweet
After a week of haphazard short practices I was finally able to get in over an hour last night and tonight. That was great. It's crazy how quickly your endurance suffers. My embouchure felt a bit weak for the longer practices so I will continue to focus on that. Tonight my fingers felt more comfortable than last night which is good since last night I felt somewhat clumsy on my scales. I've been working on my other Sellner exercise (an F major one) and have most of it ironed out now. Sometimes B-flats still trip me up. I sometimes stumble with fingering between A, B-flat, and C. I still blame it on the saxophone!
I hope to work on more reeds after my exams next week so I should have at least 2-3 to bring with me to the lesson on the 22nd.
So there you have it. I've been running around taking care of a lot of school related stuff and my practicing suffered. I also haven't worked on reeds in almost two weeks! But now that things are mostly settled I should be able to get back to my old routine. I won't be able to step it up to the next level (2 hours/day, practices with others) until after the semester is over. I just hope to be able to get 30-60 minutes in daily during all the MCAT craziness. My Kaplan course starts tomorrow! *gulp*
My bassoonist friend called me yesterday to let me know that he's still interested in the quartet but is very busy right now too. I guess the timing works ok. Now I have something to look forward to for the Summer. It will be amazing to play with the quartet again. I think I will be able to contribute more now that my intonation and sound are better. And it will be fun to read and play a greater variety of music.
Because of the cost of my Kaplan course I was unable to apply to the Apple Hill summer program. But I *will* look around and see if there is anything local for adults. More on that later. For now, sleep. :-)
I hope to work on more reeds after my exams next week so I should have at least 2-3 to bring with me to the lesson on the 22nd.
So there you have it. I've been running around taking care of a lot of school related stuff and my practicing suffered. I also haven't worked on reeds in almost two weeks! But now that things are mostly settled I should be able to get back to my old routine. I won't be able to step it up to the next level (2 hours/day, practices with others) until after the semester is over. I just hope to be able to get 30-60 minutes in daily during all the MCAT craziness. My Kaplan course starts tomorrow! *gulp*
My bassoonist friend called me yesterday to let me know that he's still interested in the quartet but is very busy right now too. I guess the timing works ok. Now I have something to look forward to for the Summer. It will be amazing to play with the quartet again. I think I will be able to contribute more now that my intonation and sound are better. And it will be fun to read and play a greater variety of music.
Because of the cost of my Kaplan course I was unable to apply to the Apple Hill summer program. But I *will* look around and see if there is anything local for adults. More on that later. For now, sleep. :-)
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Lessons learned
I realized that using just the date as my title is redundant since the editor already dates the entries. So I guess I'll try to come up with something creative again. Oh, the pressure!
I had my lesson today and overall I'd say it went quite well. My last few had not been entirely good. I felt as though I was frustrating my teacher. I tend to regress during my music lessons and act like an adolescent. I can't help it. It's like I'm watching myself do it but can't stop it. Maybe subconsciously I am acting that way to make up for having missed out on the whole music experience as a child. That would be pretty pathetic. Today I resisted the temptation to do anything childish like whine, make excuses, be overly nervous and jittery, etc.
Today there were only two minor incidents. Both because I used the word "weird" to describe something about my playing which I didn't like. She wanted me to be very specific (e.g. What about my high E's was I not satisfied with? They used to have a closed, muted sound.)
As usual we go over reed stuff first. I won't bore folks with reed details but I'll mention that I've been too heavy handed with the knife. So she went over a modified grasp using only three fingers that will force me to have a lighter touch. I didn't really have a reed to show today because I killed the one I was working on (tore the tip).
Next we worked on the reed alone exercise and then scales. She was excited that I had indeed made progress with my embouchure. I was so relieved. If I had had to hear her tell me one more time that I need to commit to the new embouchure I think I would have cried. It's been lots of months of hard work to try to change my embouchure so I am so happy that it's finally showing. And sounding - my tone quality definitely has changed for the better as I've adopted a more circular embouchure. She said that it seems that now I am just putting the finishing touches on it. WOOT!
In terms of my scales and etudes she noted improved intonation on all of them and said that I don't have any technical issues, that what I need to work on now is "line". I must pay more attention to the air and dynamics and phrasing issues now that I am getting a better hang of the basics. I knew that was coming because I was feeling that my playing was not quite as musical as it should be, what surprised me was the comment about not having technical issues. I've had this notion since childhood that technique is the difficult part of music. I'd listen or watch pianist play difficult pieces and what would amaze me was the physical aspect of it. How can they move their fingers so quickly? How do they always hit the right note? But as I got more and more involved in the musical world it always seemed that the professionals would never count technique as the hard thing, they'd say that expression is harder and more important. I always found this odd or counter-intuitive for some reason. I guess since I've always looked for precision and "perfection" in the things I do, I was sort of thinking that same in terms of music. When I played the sax the only exercise my first teacher would give me was scales. Every week he wanted to hear them faster and more precise. I think I have translated that to my oboe studies. Obviously I've had a lot of sound production issues since the oboe is a whole different beast, but I *have* been focusing a lot on technical things because I was still thinking that it is what divides the beginners from the more advanced students. But now I see that technique is not everything. What good is perfect technique if your playing is lifeless and doesn't say anything? Very interesting thing to think about. I definitely need to dwell on it some more.
I am not sure why she made the technique comment since I still feel so inadequate. A lot of my intervals are not exactly in tune or are messy. My scales are not always even. Maybe my fingers look funny as I play. But I guess what she means is that compared to everything else, all that should be the least of my worries. Perhaps, after all, some of the sax playing HAS been useful to me in my switch to the oboe. Weird. (Oops, there's that word again. I think it had officially become my most overused word.)
I'll still focus on technique because you can't play beautifully without it. But I *will* start thinking more about the other things. Those things I was taking for granted but which I see now are the TRUE measures of "goodness" (hehe, not sure I will refer to my playing as "greatness" any time soon).
At the end of the lesson she assured me that if I stay focused how I've been that I will conquer all the basics and that then we can work on my repertoire and playing lots of music. She even said that playing with others is in the horizon. It sounded like I can think about being in smallish groups some time this year!! YAY!!! Maybe I *will* audition for the Wind Ensemble in the fall. *does a little dance*
Well, I am off to write out a schedule for myself for the next few months. Things are going to get really crazy really fast for me and I have to ensure that I will still have at least an hour for my oboe. Hopefully when the semester is over I can finally go up to two.
I had my lesson today and overall I'd say it went quite well. My last few had not been entirely good. I felt as though I was frustrating my teacher. I tend to regress during my music lessons and act like an adolescent. I can't help it. It's like I'm watching myself do it but can't stop it. Maybe subconsciously I am acting that way to make up for having missed out on the whole music experience as a child. That would be pretty pathetic. Today I resisted the temptation to do anything childish like whine, make excuses, be overly nervous and jittery, etc.
Today there were only two minor incidents. Both because I used the word "weird" to describe something about my playing which I didn't like. She wanted me to be very specific (e.g. What about my high E's was I not satisfied with? They used to have a closed, muted sound.)
As usual we go over reed stuff first. I won't bore folks with reed details but I'll mention that I've been too heavy handed with the knife. So she went over a modified grasp using only three fingers that will force me to have a lighter touch. I didn't really have a reed to show today because I killed the one I was working on (tore the tip).
Next we worked on the reed alone exercise and then scales. She was excited that I had indeed made progress with my embouchure. I was so relieved. If I had had to hear her tell me one more time that I need to commit to the new embouchure I think I would have cried. It's been lots of months of hard work to try to change my embouchure so I am so happy that it's finally showing. And sounding - my tone quality definitely has changed for the better as I've adopted a more circular embouchure. She said that it seems that now I am just putting the finishing touches on it. WOOT!
In terms of my scales and etudes she noted improved intonation on all of them and said that I don't have any technical issues, that what I need to work on now is "line". I must pay more attention to the air and dynamics and phrasing issues now that I am getting a better hang of the basics. I knew that was coming because I was feeling that my playing was not quite as musical as it should be, what surprised me was the comment about not having technical issues. I've had this notion since childhood that technique is the difficult part of music. I'd listen or watch pianist play difficult pieces and what would amaze me was the physical aspect of it. How can they move their fingers so quickly? How do they always hit the right note? But as I got more and more involved in the musical world it always seemed that the professionals would never count technique as the hard thing, they'd say that expression is harder and more important. I always found this odd or counter-intuitive for some reason. I guess since I've always looked for precision and "perfection" in the things I do, I was sort of thinking that same in terms of music. When I played the sax the only exercise my first teacher would give me was scales. Every week he wanted to hear them faster and more precise. I think I have translated that to my oboe studies. Obviously I've had a lot of sound production issues since the oboe is a whole different beast, but I *have* been focusing a lot on technical things because I was still thinking that it is what divides the beginners from the more advanced students. But now I see that technique is not everything. What good is perfect technique if your playing is lifeless and doesn't say anything? Very interesting thing to think about. I definitely need to dwell on it some more.
I am not sure why she made the technique comment since I still feel so inadequate. A lot of my intervals are not exactly in tune or are messy. My scales are not always even. Maybe my fingers look funny as I play. But I guess what she means is that compared to everything else, all that should be the least of my worries. Perhaps, after all, some of the sax playing HAS been useful to me in my switch to the oboe. Weird. (Oops, there's that word again. I think it had officially become my most overused word.)
I'll still focus on technique because you can't play beautifully without it. But I *will* start thinking more about the other things. Those things I was taking for granted but which I see now are the TRUE measures of "goodness" (hehe, not sure I will refer to my playing as "greatness" any time soon).
At the end of the lesson she assured me that if I stay focused how I've been that I will conquer all the basics and that then we can work on my repertoire and playing lots of music. She even said that playing with others is in the horizon. It sounded like I can think about being in smallish groups some time this year!! YAY!!! Maybe I *will* audition for the Wind Ensemble in the fall. *does a little dance*
Well, I am off to write out a schedule for myself for the next few months. Things are going to get really crazy really fast for me and I have to ensure that I will still have at least an hour for my oboe. Hopefully when the semester is over I can finally go up to two.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
January 19, 2006
In typical me fashion I procrastinated about the whole career decision to the point where I almost missed out being able to apply this year. The school set up an arbitrary deadline of 5PM today for you to submit a ton of paperwork to the Dean, including 6 essays (one of which was to descibe why you chose the field you are going into). Well, silly little me hadn't started any of the essays (not even the ones I COULD have started) because I was too busy being confused/overwhelmed/scared by the decision. When I went in to speak with my advisor on Tuesday I figured she would tell me that I had to wait it out anyway in order to be sure of my decision. But that's not what she said. She told me she expected my stuff in by the deadline. That was less than 48 hours away!
At 4:59 today I handed all my paperwork in, including 18 pages of essays. Ouch my aching head!
This is only the beginning of a whole year of craziness for me. I am trying hard not to freak out. I went from being confused and living day to day to being a med school applicant. Suddenly there is a LONG list of things that need to get done during the course of the year. Scary things!
I will need strength from God in order to manage my time well. The only way I will be able to do all this and still be able to play my oboe is if I take control of my life and my time. I have to stop procrastinating and I need to stay on top of everything.
Anyway, here is part of a quick note I wrote to my teacher today. We should be meeting on Sunday for my next lesson.
I was unable to practice last night because of the writing, but the night before I practiced for a little over an hour. I'm starting to understand how it is that serious players practice many hours a day. Sometimes I feel like I've done nothing but long tones and some scales when the hour is up. If I wanted to also practice my repertoire I really need two hours minimum.
On Tuesday I ended up doing arpeggios in the key of C after my usual warm up. I hadn't seriously worked on them before because my intervals were just way too dirty. Now they are ok enough to not hurt my ears. It was quite a challenging exercise! I had about 20 minutes left to practice my Jacob pieces before my mouth got overly tired. Your reed is still working wonderfully for me, but my two reeds are hit or miss.
I am about to go down now to practice. I'm thinking of working on some technical etudes today (maybe from the Sellner book) and maybe devote some more time to the pieces.
If only I had 2 or 3 extra hours each day :-)
At 4:59 today I handed all my paperwork in, including 18 pages of essays. Ouch my aching head!
This is only the beginning of a whole year of craziness for me. I am trying hard not to freak out. I went from being confused and living day to day to being a med school applicant. Suddenly there is a LONG list of things that need to get done during the course of the year. Scary things!
I will need strength from God in order to manage my time well. The only way I will be able to do all this and still be able to play my oboe is if I take control of my life and my time. I have to stop procrastinating and I need to stay on top of everything.
Anyway, here is part of a quick note I wrote to my teacher today. We should be meeting on Sunday for my next lesson.
I was unable to practice last night because of the writing, but the night before I practiced for a little over an hour. I'm starting to understand how it is that serious players practice many hours a day. Sometimes I feel like I've done nothing but long tones and some scales when the hour is up. If I wanted to also practice my repertoire I really need two hours minimum.
On Tuesday I ended up doing arpeggios in the key of C after my usual warm up. I hadn't seriously worked on them before because my intervals were just way too dirty. Now they are ok enough to not hurt my ears. It was quite a challenging exercise! I had about 20 minutes left to practice my Jacob pieces before my mouth got overly tired. Your reed is still working wonderfully for me, but my two reeds are hit or miss.
I am about to go down now to practice. I'm thinking of working on some technical etudes today (maybe from the Sellner book) and maybe devote some more time to the pieces.
If only I had 2 or 3 extra hours each day :-)
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
A decision
Might it really be over? The career dilemma of the millennium? I wonder this as I sit here typing my "why medicine?" essay for my advisor . . .
Remember when you were younger and you were starting to fall "in love" with someone? At first you'd deny it to yourself. Other would start to notice but you'd deny it to them too. You would try to talk yourself out of it, finding countless faults in your object of interest. This would go on for a while until eventually you'd be unavailable to contain yourself and would submit to the forces of love. My career decision journey has been very similar to this. I think I am finally ready to take things to the next level.
Remember when you were younger and you were starting to fall "in love" with someone? At first you'd deny it to yourself. Other would start to notice but you'd deny it to them too. You would try to talk yourself out of it, finding countless faults in your object of interest. This would go on for a while until eventually you'd be unavailable to contain yourself and would submit to the forces of love. My career decision journey has been very similar to this. I think I am finally ready to take things to the next level.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Rock star!
Who would have thought that one day I'd be a rock star???
The Spanish rock/pop band I've been rehearsing with (as back-up vocalist) since October *finally* made its debut. It was very strange being onstage as a singer and not an instrumentalist. I felt a bit uncomfortable because I am more at home being in the back actually making the music. Thankfully I remembered my days as a ballet dancer and remembered to smile and interact with the audience as much as a shy person could. I'm not particularly shy face-to-face, but I did feel weird being the only girl in the band. It's not like I'm a sex symbol. I am a nerd at heart and felt uncomfortable that I would get the wrong kind of attention. I was hoping that folks would see me as a serious member of the band, not just there to be looked at. For the most part I think that's how I was perceived. Not showing much skin helped.
Anyway, don't think that I'm really a singer. I have no true vocal technique. The only reason I can sort of fake this is because it's in a pop style not too dissimilar from what is used at my church (at which I've been singing for over 10 years). From the beginning the lead singer was more interested in someone who could harmonize and stay in tune than someone with a huge, powerful voice. I can make myself blend easily. Last night the sound engineers worked wonders for my weak little voice. He made me sound as loud as the lead singer. Woohoo!
I hadn't been in a club in years. Probably since my las gig as a saxophonist in 2000. Gosh did I feel old and frumpy last night. And chubby (to not use the "F" word). Most girls there looked like models. I tried not to dwell on it too much before we went up on stage, but I was definitely more than a bit self conscious up there. After we played we stayed for a little while and I kept wondering where my youth went. I can't help but lament for the times that have passed. It's not to say that I am not happy now. In fact, I am the happiest I've ever been. But I do wish I had had more fun when I was younger. Especially back when I had that size 6 body. *sigh*
I had a nice oboe session tonight. It was only an hour but I focused mostly on long tones and sound. I am starting to feel a lot more comfortable with my embouchure. It's a lot more circular than it used to be. I hope that my teacher sees improvement in it this time. I think it has to be better because my intonation has been consistently better too. Even my high A sounded ok tonight! I ended up making a tiny adjustment to one of the little screws that seemed to help things (my side octave key didn't seem to be completely overriding the regular one). I hope to play more music in my upcoming sessions.
The Spanish rock/pop band I've been rehearsing with (as back-up vocalist) since October *finally* made its debut. It was very strange being onstage as a singer and not an instrumentalist. I felt a bit uncomfortable because I am more at home being in the back actually making the music. Thankfully I remembered my days as a ballet dancer and remembered to smile and interact with the audience as much as a shy person could. I'm not particularly shy face-to-face, but I did feel weird being the only girl in the band. It's not like I'm a sex symbol. I am a nerd at heart and felt uncomfortable that I would get the wrong kind of attention. I was hoping that folks would see me as a serious member of the band, not just there to be looked at. For the most part I think that's how I was perceived. Not showing much skin helped.
Anyway, don't think that I'm really a singer. I have no true vocal technique. The only reason I can sort of fake this is because it's in a pop style not too dissimilar from what is used at my church (at which I've been singing for over 10 years). From the beginning the lead singer was more interested in someone who could harmonize and stay in tune than someone with a huge, powerful voice. I can make myself blend easily. Last night the sound engineers worked wonders for my weak little voice. He made me sound as loud as the lead singer. Woohoo!
I hadn't been in a club in years. Probably since my las gig as a saxophonist in 2000. Gosh did I feel old and frumpy last night. And chubby (to not use the "F" word). Most girls there looked like models. I tried not to dwell on it too much before we went up on stage, but I was definitely more than a bit self conscious up there. After we played we stayed for a little while and I kept wondering where my youth went. I can't help but lament for the times that have passed. It's not to say that I am not happy now. In fact, I am the happiest I've ever been. But I do wish I had had more fun when I was younger. Especially back when I had that size 6 body. *sigh*
I had a nice oboe session tonight. It was only an hour but I focused mostly on long tones and sound. I am starting to feel a lot more comfortable with my embouchure. It's a lot more circular than it used to be. I hope that my teacher sees improvement in it this time. I think it has to be better because my intonation has been consistently better too. Even my high A sounded ok tonight! I ended up making a tiny adjustment to one of the little screws that seemed to help things (my side octave key didn't seem to be completely overriding the regular one). I hope to play more music in my upcoming sessions.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Still alive!
Hey! I'm still here and still practicing every day, though not always getting the full hour in this week. The program I'm in will be over tomorrow and then I should have time to update more frequently again.
I had two bad days of practice earlier this week. I think this was because I had a BAD fight with my father on Sunday. It was so bad that I had physical symptoms of rage and everything and then felt ill/tired for the next two days. On those two days my practicing seemed to go back but I did it anyway. Luckily last night things were back on the upswing. My embouchure is feeling more confident and my intonation was good. Even that high A was sounding better. Yay!
Is it normal for your emotional state to affect your playing?
I had two bad days of practice earlier this week. I think this was because I had a BAD fight with my father on Sunday. It was so bad that I had physical symptoms of rage and everything and then felt ill/tired for the next two days. On those two days my practicing seemed to go back but I did it anyway. Luckily last night things were back on the upswing. My embouchure is feeling more confident and my intonation was good. Even that high A was sounding better. Yay!
Is it normal for your emotional state to affect your playing?
Sunday, January 08, 2006
I'm not tone deaf!
Hahaha! I had fun doing this test I found on Patty's site.
The results are in. I'm not tone deaf. :-p
Hearing Test Results
You correctly identified 26 tunes (out of 26) on the Distorted Tunes Test. Congratulations! You have a fine sense of pitch.
Thank you for taking the Distorted Tunes Test. More information about the the NIDCD's research into tone deafness is available from Dr. Dennis T. Drayna's web page.
As I was taking the quiz I was asking myself "are there really tone-deaf people?" It's not an entirely facetious question. Music has always been such an important part in my life and I have always been able to hear it well. I have never really stopped to think what it would be like to not be able to understand pitches at all. I read up on it a bit and while the term "tone-deaf" is used casually to refer to those with no musical training (and little talent) there really is a medical condition that prohibits some from hearing differences in pitch. These people can not appreciate music. How terribly sad. :(
The results are in. I'm not tone deaf. :-p
Hearing Test Results
You correctly identified 26 tunes (out of 26) on the Distorted Tunes Test. Congratulations! You have a fine sense of pitch.
Thank you for taking the Distorted Tunes Test. More information about the the NIDCD's research into tone deafness is available from Dr. Dennis T. Drayna's web page.
As I was taking the quiz I was asking myself "are there really tone-deaf people?" It's not an entirely facetious question. Music has always been such an important part in my life and I have always been able to hear it well. I have never really stopped to think what it would be like to not be able to understand pitches at all. I read up on it a bit and while the term "tone-deaf" is used casually to refer to those with no musical training (and little talent) there really is a medical condition that prohibits some from hearing differences in pitch. These people can not appreciate music. How terribly sad. :(
High A
Been running around a lot but I've still managed to play both yesterday and today. Yesterday I didn't get home until 11:30 PM and that's when I ended up practicing. My neighbors must love me!
Today I practiced before leaving for my friend's house. I got another hour plus in. Oh, and I also discovered that I have been doing something wrong all along. I had been trying to finger high A using BOTH the side octave and the regular octave key. I remember this coming up with my first teacher and I could swear that he said it was ok to use both. But maybe he meant either, not both at the same time. Anyway, my high A's have ALWAYS given me a hard time. Not just pitch wise. They always sounded completely wild. Airy, raspy, gurgly, you name it. It never sounded like a normal oboe note. No wonder!!
Wow, if I can get that note to speak normally from now on it will be a whole new chapter for me. It hadn't really come up in my lessons with my new teacher because I rarely play in the higher register with her. We've been focusing on fixing my embouchure and sound and usually stay in the low register. At home when I'd play music for fun I would always avoid the note.
I read up in 4 different books that the A is normally fingered with the side octave key only but can also be fingered with the regular one. All of the books said you should never use both at the same time. I hope I haven't damaged the mechanism somehow by doing this. I really need to take it in for a re-adjustment anyway. I have a feeling something is not right up there because the A doesn't really speak with the side octave key, only with the regular one.
I feel so silly now!
Today I practiced before leaving for my friend's house. I got another hour plus in. Oh, and I also discovered that I have been doing something wrong all along. I had been trying to finger high A using BOTH the side octave and the regular octave key. I remember this coming up with my first teacher and I could swear that he said it was ok to use both. But maybe he meant either, not both at the same time. Anyway, my high A's have ALWAYS given me a hard time. Not just pitch wise. They always sounded completely wild. Airy, raspy, gurgly, you name it. It never sounded like a normal oboe note. No wonder!!
Wow, if I can get that note to speak normally from now on it will be a whole new chapter for me. It hadn't really come up in my lessons with my new teacher because I rarely play in the higher register with her. We've been focusing on fixing my embouchure and sound and usually stay in the low register. At home when I'd play music for fun I would always avoid the note.
I read up in 4 different books that the A is normally fingered with the side octave key only but can also be fingered with the regular one. All of the books said you should never use both at the same time. I hope I haven't damaged the mechanism somehow by doing this. I really need to take it in for a re-adjustment anyway. I have a feeling something is not right up there because the A doesn't really speak with the side octave key, only with the regular one.
I feel so silly now!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Day 3
Ok so today I practiced a little over an hour. Well, I was downstairs for about 80 minutes, but I'd say maybe 60 tops was playing. When people count practice time do they count the few minutes in between things while you think about what you just did or what you will be doing next?
Tonight I did feel my chops start tiring at around 30 minutes and by the hour mark I could barely make the embouchure anymore so I stopped. Am I practicing enough at this point? Or am I practicing too much for a beginner embouchure?
Tonight I did long tones, crescendo/decrescendo long tones, and some octaves again. Then I did scales for about half of my practice time. I tried to get them to be in tune and smoother/even. I tried both your suggestions. I think I am getting better at starting in one motion. I am also trying hard to start with the narrowest embouchure possible. It's easier when I start practicing and am fresh and only doing one note at a time. As I do more notes and get more tired I have to fight the smiling tendency more and more.
I worked on the Jacob pieces some more. My favorite one is the Air at the end. I also played through the Scherzetto some tonight. I am getting somewhere near the ballpark of the marked tempo.
Tonight I had trouble with my side octave A again. I really do feel sometimes that it's something with the instrument. It was coming out quite fine at first then it started gurgling. I did have some water in the tiny key at the very top (the one operated by the side octave key) so I figured it was just that. But when I played again it was still coming out gurgly/fluttery. I tried blowing harder, blowing softer, super open embouchure, pinched, everything and it was still acting funny. I changed reeds and still had the same problem. I decided to just keep playing and avoid that note as much as possible. Then at one point I thought I felt something sort of click and then it was sounding sort of ok again. Perhaps something is out of adjustment? Is there anything else I can try before taking it to the shop?
Ok, good night!
Tonight I did feel my chops start tiring at around 30 minutes and by the hour mark I could barely make the embouchure anymore so I stopped. Am I practicing enough at this point? Or am I practicing too much for a beginner embouchure?
Tonight I did long tones, crescendo/decrescendo long tones, and some octaves again. Then I did scales for about half of my practice time. I tried to get them to be in tune and smoother/even. I tried both your suggestions. I think I am getting better at starting in one motion. I am also trying hard to start with the narrowest embouchure possible. It's easier when I start practicing and am fresh and only doing one note at a time. As I do more notes and get more tired I have to fight the smiling tendency more and more.
I worked on the Jacob pieces some more. My favorite one is the Air at the end. I also played through the Scherzetto some tonight. I am getting somewhere near the ballpark of the marked tempo.
Tonight I had trouble with my side octave A again. I really do feel sometimes that it's something with the instrument. It was coming out quite fine at first then it started gurgling. I did have some water in the tiny key at the very top (the one operated by the side octave key) so I figured it was just that. But when I played again it was still coming out gurgly/fluttery. I tried blowing harder, blowing softer, super open embouchure, pinched, everything and it was still acting funny. I changed reeds and still had the same problem. I decided to just keep playing and avoid that note as much as possible. Then at one point I thought I felt something sort of click and then it was sounding sort of ok again. Perhaps something is out of adjustment? Is there anything else I can try before taking it to the shop?
Ok, good night!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
January 4, 2006
Howdy!
I started practicing a bit later than I intended because a friend called and we talked for an hour. So I ended up only getting in 45 minutes.
I played on one of my reeds tonight (the first one you worked on - the one with the too thin tip and the heavy heart). It wasn't flat tonight. The only issue I had with it was the low C not responding very well.
I started with long tones again tonight, focusing mostly on not biting and intonation. Though I still have a ways to go in terms of being consistent with intonation and embouchure I feel that I've definitely made progress from where I was a few months ago. My playing is a lot more in tune.
I worked on the middle E and F and side octave A again (strong air!), and also on the C-D change exercise which you suggested. The nice thing about focusing on little things is that you can see improvement quickly. For instance I was working on a C scale before doing that exercise and it felt clumsy at the register break. After I did C-D-C-D for a few minutes I went back to the scale and it was smoother. Voila! Now I just need to do that with all the other pesky intervals every day for a few years! *giggle*
The rest of the time I worked on scales (eigth notes at 80 - did C, F, G, and D major several times each).
I definitely wanted to play more tonight but I have to go to bed now because of my commute to Newark. I was in good spirits tonight while I practiced. It didn't feel tedious even though I didn't play any real music.
Ok, good night!
I started practicing a bit later than I intended because a friend called and we talked for an hour. So I ended up only getting in 45 minutes.
I played on one of my reeds tonight (the first one you worked on - the one with the too thin tip and the heavy heart). It wasn't flat tonight. The only issue I had with it was the low C not responding very well.
I started with long tones again tonight, focusing mostly on not biting and intonation. Though I still have a ways to go in terms of being consistent with intonation and embouchure I feel that I've definitely made progress from where I was a few months ago. My playing is a lot more in tune.
I worked on the middle E and F and side octave A again (strong air!), and also on the C-D change exercise which you suggested. The nice thing about focusing on little things is that you can see improvement quickly. For instance I was working on a C scale before doing that exercise and it felt clumsy at the register break. After I did C-D-C-D for a few minutes I went back to the scale and it was smoother. Voila! Now I just need to do that with all the other pesky intervals every day for a few years! *giggle*
The rest of the time I worked on scales (eigth notes at 80 - did C, F, G, and D major several times each).
I definitely wanted to play more tonight but I have to go to bed now because of my commute to Newark. I was in good spirits tonight while I practiced. It didn't feel tedious even though I didn't play any real music.
Ok, good night!
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
January 3, 2006
Ok so I went down to my basement to practice for about 75 minutes
tonight.
The first thing I usually do is try a few reeds to see how they're
faring. The two that I started and you worked on yesterday were
both a tiny bit hard today and somewhat flat. Your reed was great
so I stayed with that one and didn't go back to the others (I'll
try to break them in some later this week).
I did some long tones mostly in the lower register but also tried
the higher E, F, and G (the notes that were sounding kind of weak
yesterday). The G was ok from the get-go but the E and F took a
while to start opening up. I have to think about the egg in my
mouth again in order to get those to not sound muffled.
I didn't do any real scales tonight but instead worked on some
technical exercises from an old book I had lying around (Tunes for
Oboe Technic). They were easy tunes but I wanted to play something
more musical now that I had a nice reed.
I did the octave exercise you gave me at our other lesson in between
the tunes. And other similar exercises I found on the web (for
register changes/octaves).
I worked on my two Sellner exercises a bit also (#7 on page 11 and
#7 on page 15). I also worked on the Siciliano and Air Jacob
pieces. Did I leave my music on your stand? I ended up playing
from the piano accompaniment sheet music I had at home.
I think that was it. I wasn't particularly intense in terms of
technique tonight but I did try to zero in on my chops as much as I
could and also tried to focus on strong air. I'd say it was a nice
practice because it left me wanting to keep playing (but my mouth
was too tired!).
tonight.
The first thing I usually do is try a few reeds to see how they're
faring. The two that I started and you worked on yesterday were
both a tiny bit hard today and somewhat flat. Your reed was great
so I stayed with that one and didn't go back to the others (I'll
try to break them in some later this week).
I did some long tones mostly in the lower register but also tried
the higher E, F, and G (the notes that were sounding kind of weak
yesterday). The G was ok from the get-go but the E and F took a
while to start opening up. I have to think about the egg in my
mouth again in order to get those to not sound muffled.
I didn't do any real scales tonight but instead worked on some
technical exercises from an old book I had lying around (Tunes for
Oboe Technic). They were easy tunes but I wanted to play something
more musical now that I had a nice reed.
I did the octave exercise you gave me at our other lesson in between
the tunes. And other similar exercises I found on the web (for
register changes/octaves).
I worked on my two Sellner exercises a bit also (#7 on page 11 and
#7 on page 15). I also worked on the Siciliano and Air Jacob
pieces. Did I leave my music on your stand? I ended up playing
from the piano accompaniment sheet music I had at home.
I think that was it. I wasn't particularly intense in terms of
technique tonight but I did try to zero in on my chops as much as I
could and also tried to focus on strong air. I'd say it was a nice
practice because it left me wanting to keep playing (but my mouth
was too tired!).
Self-fulfilling prophecies
So I had my lesson last night at my teacher's apartment. It was my first time going there since we had always met either at the school where she teaches or more recently at a practice room at my school. For some reason that made me nervous as did the fact that I hadn't practiced as regularly as I would have liked since our last lesson. Oh, and I also managed to crack one of the three reeds I had been working on!
We ended up spending most of our time on reeds which is fine since I was in my reed slump of 2005. Turns out that one of the reeds I worked on had a tip that was almost too thin (compared to the overly thick heart I left behind it). Woohoo! An almost too thin tip is sort of an improvement since I never got close to taking off enough from the tip before. That was the reed that had a decent sound but was flat. She was able to balance it out by scraping the heart down some and clipping the tip (she also had to bring the tip back somewhat). The other reed was, as usual, not finished enough. I also bought one of her reeds so tonight I should have at least three decent sounding reeds. Let's see what happens.
I was dismayed when she confirmed that I was *STILL* reverting to a bit of a smiley embouchure. In fact I was doing all sorts of funny things with my mouth. I think that now I am so aware and nervous about doing it right that I move my mouth into like 100 different positions before I even make a sound. Every time that she forced me to just set the position once and play immediately I would actually do it right. The less worked up I got about it, the better it was. UGH. Point is that I can now form a correct embouchure. Now I have to build up my chops so that it stays correct. And I need to R-E-L-A-X.
The other problem (ok maybe I should call it "area of improvement") was air speed. This is a new one. Well, not new in the sense that it wasn't around but new because we hadn't gotten around to that one yet. So I guess that's progress too. Eventually I calmed down enough to form a decent embouchure but then I was getting some weak sounding notes. I thought it was something with my fingers but my teacher pointed out that it was lazy air (and she was right). I had been having trouble with E and F up in the middle and the high A. It dawned on me that the air problem was more broad. For instance, some times when I play real music (as opposed to exercises) I get a feeling that I am sounding "unmusical". Perhaps this stems from my air deficiency. There was a bar in the piece I played last night that never came out how I wanted. It had a register change which I think I usually backed off from so that it always sounded insecure. When I played it with "warm, beautiful" air as my teacher suggested it finally came out how I had been feeling it. She suggested I work on some of the intervals that were giving me a hard time. I am going to try to work those types of technical exercises into my embouchure regimen somehow. The only way that my lessons will progress is if I commit to getting these basics down.
I just realized that I am so afraid of never blossoming into that player I want to become that I may be sabotaging my efforts! Like I think in my head "I am always going to suck. I am going to play this wrong" and then I do and then I say "See, I suck". I am trying to deprogram myself from that mentality lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I *know* I can do this if I just let what's inside come through (and remain focused and disciplined). The only way that I will get to where I want to be is by diligent practice. Nothing else. I need to just stop with all the silly mind games already.
I think my teacher picked up on my funky mood last night because when I got home today she had emailed me about the lesson and she happened to mention that she wished we had had more time to actually play. It's so funny because last night after my lesson I kept daydreaming about the day when I'd go in and play beautiful music for an hour. She wants me to send her a daily email about my oboe activities/questions so that I can get help from her in between our lessons. I think she sensed that I tend to talk talk talk during lessons because she's the only other oboist I know in real life. So hopefully if I can get things out during our emails then we'll have more time to play during lessons. Sounds good to me! Plus now I will be accountable for my practicing every day. *gulp*
Maybe I will copy my emails to her into the blog for a while because I'd like to keep a record of them. Even before she suggested this I was thinking of keeping a daily account of my oboe activities anyway. This will force me to do it.
Hope everyone is having good practice sessions/rehearsals!
We ended up spending most of our time on reeds which is fine since I was in my reed slump of 2005. Turns out that one of the reeds I worked on had a tip that was almost too thin (compared to the overly thick heart I left behind it). Woohoo! An almost too thin tip is sort of an improvement since I never got close to taking off enough from the tip before. That was the reed that had a decent sound but was flat. She was able to balance it out by scraping the heart down some and clipping the tip (she also had to bring the tip back somewhat). The other reed was, as usual, not finished enough. I also bought one of her reeds so tonight I should have at least three decent sounding reeds. Let's see what happens.
I was dismayed when she confirmed that I was *STILL* reverting to a bit of a smiley embouchure. In fact I was doing all sorts of funny things with my mouth. I think that now I am so aware and nervous about doing it right that I move my mouth into like 100 different positions before I even make a sound. Every time that she forced me to just set the position once and play immediately I would actually do it right. The less worked up I got about it, the better it was. UGH. Point is that I can now form a correct embouchure. Now I have to build up my chops so that it stays correct. And I need to R-E-L-A-X.
The other problem (ok maybe I should call it "area of improvement") was air speed. This is a new one. Well, not new in the sense that it wasn't around but new because we hadn't gotten around to that one yet. So I guess that's progress too. Eventually I calmed down enough to form a decent embouchure but then I was getting some weak sounding notes. I thought it was something with my fingers but my teacher pointed out that it was lazy air (and she was right). I had been having trouble with E and F up in the middle and the high A. It dawned on me that the air problem was more broad. For instance, some times when I play real music (as opposed to exercises) I get a feeling that I am sounding "unmusical". Perhaps this stems from my air deficiency. There was a bar in the piece I played last night that never came out how I wanted. It had a register change which I think I usually backed off from so that it always sounded insecure. When I played it with "warm, beautiful" air as my teacher suggested it finally came out how I had been feeling it. She suggested I work on some of the intervals that were giving me a hard time. I am going to try to work those types of technical exercises into my embouchure regimen somehow. The only way that my lessons will progress is if I commit to getting these basics down.
I just realized that I am so afraid of never blossoming into that player I want to become that I may be sabotaging my efforts! Like I think in my head "I am always going to suck. I am going to play this wrong" and then I do and then I say "See, I suck". I am trying to deprogram myself from that mentality lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I *know* I can do this if I just let what's inside come through (and remain focused and disciplined). The only way that I will get to where I want to be is by diligent practice. Nothing else. I need to just stop with all the silly mind games already.
I think my teacher picked up on my funky mood last night because when I got home today she had emailed me about the lesson and she happened to mention that she wished we had had more time to actually play. It's so funny because last night after my lesson I kept daydreaming about the day when I'd go in and play beautiful music for an hour. She wants me to send her a daily email about my oboe activities/questions so that I can get help from her in between our lessons. I think she sensed that I tend to talk talk talk during lessons because she's the only other oboist I know in real life. So hopefully if I can get things out during our emails then we'll have more time to play during lessons. Sounds good to me! Plus now I will be accountable for my practicing every day. *gulp*
Maybe I will copy my emails to her into the blog for a while because I'd like to keep a record of them. Even before she suggested this I was thinking of keeping a daily account of my oboe activities anyway. This will force me to do it.
Hope everyone is having good practice sessions/rehearsals!
Monday, January 02, 2006
Last day of vacation
Before I forget: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I hope that everyone had a wonderful time and that this year will bring all much health and happiness.
Here is a funny video of our grand entrance on New Year's Eve. My mom wanted us to arrive at my cousin's singing traditional holiday tunes. Keep in mind that most of my family is tone deaf though: Video (will probably take a long time to load).
So my lesson it today finally. Between the two of us I think we got it rescheduled about 3 times. I was supposed to bring in 3 new reeds, but I managed to crack one in half again. I need to learn to channel my frustration elsewhere while I am reed making LOL! The other two that managed to survive are so-so. One has an ok sound but is flat. I am always afraid to keep working on them and ruin them. I know I should probably clip it some but the tip is already so thin that I am scared.
I am a bit nervous about my lesson because my practicing was all over the place during the month of December. I've done better the last week but I'm hoping that I won't be noticeably worse than last lesson. Also, my husband and sister-in-law will have to come to the lesson with me because we have rock band rehearsal right after it. I did tell you all I'm singing backup in a Spanish rock band, right? I have to try to get a picture of that!
So today is sort of my last day of vacation. Starting tomorrow I will have to commute to downtown Newark every weekday for 2 weeks to attend the "Gateway to Dentistry" program. I am *PRAYING* that my participation in the program will clear my mind up one way or another regarding the profession. The program is over on the 13th and classes start the following week. So technically I do have one more lazy Monday, but for some reason I have a feeling it will be hectic as hell. C'est la vie.
I hope that everyone had a wonderful time and that this year will bring all much health and happiness.
Here is a funny video of our grand entrance on New Year's Eve. My mom wanted us to arrive at my cousin's singing traditional holiday tunes. Keep in mind that most of my family is tone deaf though: Video (will probably take a long time to load).
So my lesson it today finally. Between the two of us I think we got it rescheduled about 3 times. I was supposed to bring in 3 new reeds, but I managed to crack one in half again. I need to learn to channel my frustration elsewhere while I am reed making LOL! The other two that managed to survive are so-so. One has an ok sound but is flat. I am always afraid to keep working on them and ruin them. I know I should probably clip it some but the tip is already so thin that I am scared.
I am a bit nervous about my lesson because my practicing was all over the place during the month of December. I've done better the last week but I'm hoping that I won't be noticeably worse than last lesson. Also, my husband and sister-in-law will have to come to the lesson with me because we have rock band rehearsal right after it. I did tell you all I'm singing backup in a Spanish rock band, right? I have to try to get a picture of that!
So today is sort of my last day of vacation. Starting tomorrow I will have to commute to downtown Newark every weekday for 2 weeks to attend the "Gateway to Dentistry" program. I am *PRAYING* that my participation in the program will clear my mind up one way or another regarding the profession. The program is over on the 13th and classes start the following week. So technically I do have one more lazy Monday, but for some reason I have a feeling it will be hectic as hell. C'est la vie.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
A bit of a slump
Soon as I posted all my wonderful goals for my second year of oboe playing I ran into a week of finals and then a nasty slump (or was the slump a result of the week of finals). During the finals craziness I was unable to practice every day and when I did I could only go for about 30 minutes or so. I think I was too stressed out perhaps. Then once finals were over I felt too tired to "work" on practicing. Plus I had fallen out of habit and it felt a bit like starting over again.
So the last two weeks were hit or miss until tonight when I finally forced myself (with the help of the hubby) to resume my old practice habits. I got a good hour plus in and was feeling so much better by the end of it. My sound didn't suffer tremendously from the craziness of the last few weeks but my fingers did feel a bit stiff and my embouchure tired easily. Maybe in a way this is a good thing. Maybe I will finally forget my old, wrong, smiley embouchure.
I've tried to keep a positive outlook regarding reeds but I feel that I must mention them as being at least partly at fault for my slump. I don't have a single good reed right now! I had been using one that my teacher made me in October and it is now officially dead. I should take a picture of it, it's pretty funny. It kept playing even though it was almost completely frayed. The ones that I started are all mediocre even though my teacher helped me finish them off. I think I was supposed to make further adjustments. Or perhaps I am tying them wrong. Today I ended up resurrecting my previous "wonder" reed. It has problems with some of the low notes and with the high A, but most everything else sounds nice and in tune. If I had had a nice reed during the last few weeks practicing could have been a nice outlet for me. I could have gone downstairs and just played a few tunes and called it a day. However, I knew that I had to contend with 10 bad reeds. How much fun is that when you're worried about synthesizing alkyl halides or transcription errors? I think I avoided the instrument partly because of the reed problem. Because I knew I would get frustrated which is exactly what happened each time I played. Our instrument is sooooooo beautiful when the reed just does what it's supposed to do. Why can't they all be wonder reeds?? *sniff sniff*
But anyway, now that I am no longer stressed out I was able to be more positive again and I tackled my fear and faced it and it wasn't half bad. Yes, I still have no good reeds, but I am still able to get some practicing in until I meet with my teacher on Saturday.
So guess what I will be doing tonight while I watch House?? Ding, ding, ding, 10 points for you if you guessed that I'll be tying new reeds.
So the last two weeks were hit or miss until tonight when I finally forced myself (with the help of the hubby) to resume my old practice habits. I got a good hour plus in and was feeling so much better by the end of it. My sound didn't suffer tremendously from the craziness of the last few weeks but my fingers did feel a bit stiff and my embouchure tired easily. Maybe in a way this is a good thing. Maybe I will finally forget my old, wrong, smiley embouchure.
I've tried to keep a positive outlook regarding reeds but I feel that I must mention them as being at least partly at fault for my slump. I don't have a single good reed right now! I had been using one that my teacher made me in October and it is now officially dead. I should take a picture of it, it's pretty funny. It kept playing even though it was almost completely frayed. The ones that I started are all mediocre even though my teacher helped me finish them off. I think I was supposed to make further adjustments. Or perhaps I am tying them wrong. Today I ended up resurrecting my previous "wonder" reed. It has problems with some of the low notes and with the high A, but most everything else sounds nice and in tune. If I had had a nice reed during the last few weeks practicing could have been a nice outlet for me. I could have gone downstairs and just played a few tunes and called it a day. However, I knew that I had to contend with 10 bad reeds. How much fun is that when you're worried about synthesizing alkyl halides or transcription errors? I think I avoided the instrument partly because of the reed problem. Because I knew I would get frustrated which is exactly what happened each time I played. Our instrument is sooooooo beautiful when the reed just does what it's supposed to do. Why can't they all be wonder reeds?? *sniff sniff*
But anyway, now that I am no longer stressed out I was able to be more positive again and I tackled my fear and faced it and it wasn't half bad. Yes, I still have no good reeds, but I am still able to get some practicing in until I meet with my teacher on Saturday.
So guess what I will be doing tonight while I watch House?? Ding, ding, ding, 10 points for you if you guessed that I'll be tying new reeds.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Serenade
I heard something I really liked on Monday night as I was driving home from one of my finals. It was Dvorak's "Serenade for Winds in d, opus 44". Simply amazing!
I am really startig to think that it might actually be better to play in a smallish ensemble than in a big orchestra. I mean I would still love to play a symphony but there is so much out there for smaller ensembles, pieces which really showcase all the instruments and which sound like a lot of fun to play.
Someday! I've been bad bad bad with my practicing because of finals. I need to get back on track!
But first I must catch up on sleep. I've gotten around 16 hours for the last 4 nights combined.
I am really startig to think that it might actually be better to play in a smallish ensemble than in a big orchestra. I mean I would still love to play a symphony but there is so much out there for smaller ensembles, pieces which really showcase all the instruments and which sound like a lot of fun to play.
Someday! I've been bad bad bad with my practicing because of finals. I need to get back on track!
But first I must catch up on sleep. I've gotten around 16 hours for the last 4 nights combined.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Oboe anniversary
December was usually a busy month at work as all the client teams were involved in year-end processing. In spite of all the work I had, I remembering running out of work early on this day last year. I *had* to get to Greenwich before 6 and the weather was a bit crazy that day. A few weeks before this I had decided I would try out an oboe and had finally found a place that had one. My oboe was waiting for me at Greenwich Music so long as I got there by 6.
I did get there on time and so I drove the rest of the way home with an old Selmer oboe (and two store bought reeds) as my passenger(s). I had downloaded a little "how to play the oboe" book from the Fox website and it was what helped me take those first steps.
I played three notes that day: B, A, and G, all of which were horrendously out of tune and all of which sounded like a cross between a bagpipe, a kazoo, and a goose. I was undeterred, however, and with those three notes I began a wonderful new journey.
When I told my friends I was thinking of playing oboe most of them warned me of all the hardships that lay ahead. Because of the dire warnings, I had very low expectations. I figured it would be years before I could even play scales. And maybe 10-20 years to play in an orchestral setting. It's a wonder I took up the instrument at all, me being as impatient as I am. But for whatever reason it passed the trial and since December 9, 2004 there has not been a day that I have not at least thought about the oboe.
So today I've been playing oboe for a year and I'm happy to report that things are going much better than I initially expected. Though I only played 3 notes that first day within a month I was playing almost two octaves. I was able to start on scales within months, not years. I still need to work on even-ing out the sound of my scales (oboes have some notes that can sound pretty funky if you're not careful) but as of right now they are pretty much in tune and decently clean. I've been practicing scales with up to 4 flats or sharps. With the help of my new teacher, I've learned a lot about reed making (though I'm not completely independent yet) and have been working hard on correcting my embouchure. My sound has definitely progressed to something more oboe-like. Every once in a while I'll be playing something and it actually sounds nice. That's the best feeling in the world!
I've already started playing with some friends who play other woodwinds and I no longer think it will take 10-20 years to play in a community orchestra. Maybe just 5. I should also mention that I eventually bought my very own Lorée oboe.
I am pumped because though the going has felt slow on a day to day basis I see now that I have advanced pretty nicely this year.
For the coming year these are my goals:
* To finally nail the correct embouchure consistently.
* To practice more consistently and for longer periods of time. I averaged an hour a day every day this year but I know that I can do way better. There were probably only 20 days or so during the entire year where I didn't practice at all. I want that total to be less than 10 for next year. Also I want to bring up my practice time to two hours a day minimum.
* To work on all scales: adding the ones with 5-7 accidentals, working more on minor scales, and doing arpeggios. I need to work on an even tone in all registers and on consistent intonation. I also need to work on speeding things up.
* To work on dynamics and articulation.
* To start working on some of the easy pieces from the standard oboe repertoire.
* To get close to being independent with reed making (hopefully my teacher will only need to make minor adjustments to the reed I bring in).
* To attend a Summer chamber music festival (I'm applying to applehill).
* To perform with my friends (as a duo, trio, or quartet) at small functions.
* I may even audition for the Wind Ensemble next September depending on how I am sounding by then. They only have 1 oboe right now!
So there you have it. A recap of my first year as an oboist. I am even more passionate about it than when I first started and an ever thankful for finally finding my life's love.
I did get there on time and so I drove the rest of the way home with an old Selmer oboe (and two store bought reeds) as my passenger(s). I had downloaded a little "how to play the oboe" book from the Fox website and it was what helped me take those first steps.
I played three notes that day: B, A, and G, all of which were horrendously out of tune and all of which sounded like a cross between a bagpipe, a kazoo, and a goose. I was undeterred, however, and with those three notes I began a wonderful new journey.
When I told my friends I was thinking of playing oboe most of them warned me of all the hardships that lay ahead. Because of the dire warnings, I had very low expectations. I figured it would be years before I could even play scales. And maybe 10-20 years to play in an orchestral setting. It's a wonder I took up the instrument at all, me being as impatient as I am. But for whatever reason it passed the trial and since December 9, 2004 there has not been a day that I have not at least thought about the oboe.
So today I've been playing oboe for a year and I'm happy to report that things are going much better than I initially expected. Though I only played 3 notes that first day within a month I was playing almost two octaves. I was able to start on scales within months, not years. I still need to work on even-ing out the sound of my scales (oboes have some notes that can sound pretty funky if you're not careful) but as of right now they are pretty much in tune and decently clean. I've been practicing scales with up to 4 flats or sharps. With the help of my new teacher, I've learned a lot about reed making (though I'm not completely independent yet) and have been working hard on correcting my embouchure. My sound has definitely progressed to something more oboe-like. Every once in a while I'll be playing something and it actually sounds nice. That's the best feeling in the world!
I've already started playing with some friends who play other woodwinds and I no longer think it will take 10-20 years to play in a community orchestra. Maybe just 5. I should also mention that I eventually bought my very own Lorée oboe.
I am pumped because though the going has felt slow on a day to day basis I see now that I have advanced pretty nicely this year.
For the coming year these are my goals:
* To finally nail the correct embouchure consistently.
* To practice more consistently and for longer periods of time. I averaged an hour a day every day this year but I know that I can do way better. There were probably only 20 days or so during the entire year where I didn't practice at all. I want that total to be less than 10 for next year. Also I want to bring up my practice time to two hours a day minimum.
* To work on all scales: adding the ones with 5-7 accidentals, working more on minor scales, and doing arpeggios. I need to work on an even tone in all registers and on consistent intonation. I also need to work on speeding things up.
* To work on dynamics and articulation.
* To start working on some of the easy pieces from the standard oboe repertoire.
* To get close to being independent with reed making (hopefully my teacher will only need to make minor adjustments to the reed I bring in).
* To attend a Summer chamber music festival (I'm applying to applehill).
* To perform with my friends (as a duo, trio, or quartet) at small functions.
* I may even audition for the Wind Ensemble next September depending on how I am sounding by then. They only have 1 oboe right now!
So there you have it. A recap of my first year as an oboist. I am even more passionate about it than when I first started and an ever thankful for finally finding my life's love.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Early morning update
On Thursday I went to Carnegie Hall. Remember those tickets I bought back when I was still employed? The Chicago Symphony was in town to play Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante (the wind one) and Bruckner's 5th Symphony. I hadn't ever heard the Bruckner, but the Mozart (but was it really his?) is one of my favorite pieces ever. I've probably already written this a few times but here goes. I got my "I must play in an orchestra before I die" bug around this time last year. I needed to pick up a new instrument and figured I'd stay in the woodwind family. I immediately eliminated the flute because I had never been able to produce sound on it and I had heard that bassoons were really expensive (plus they looked so big) so I eliminated that too. I was familiar with the clarinet since I had one at home, but I was vaguely aware that there was one other instrument. Oh yeah, the oboe. By this time I had already fallen in love with the sound of the English Horn and was slowly starting to listen to more oboe music too. At first I couldn't really distinguish it well so I ended up listening to a lot of Baroque oboe concertos. However, I didn't immediately warm up to the Baroque sound and almost got completely turned off by it. Anyway, so around one year ago I looked through my Classical CD collection to see if I had anything featuring an oboe. I had interned at Sony many years ago and they gave out free CDs. No one ever picked up the Classical ones so by the end of the Summer I had over 100! The only thing featuring an oboe was a CD of Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante. I loved the piece from the get go. It was so lively yet delicate. Since it also features a clarinet, I couldn't always tell it apart from the oboe at first, but with time I was better able to distinguish the sound. I think I listened to that piece every single day last November in order to decide which instrument I'd play. I would always enjoy the clarinet lines, but once the oboe came in it would feel like I was being bathed in sunlight (by the way, it's John de Lancie on my recording). Though I didn't make my official decision until after some trial lessons, this piece was just as pivotal to me as the Swan of Tuonela. So when I saw that it was going to be played at Carnegie, I had to see it.
Boy was I in for a surprise. Of course I assumed that the Chicago Symphony would be good. But guess who was the oboe soloist?????? Alex Klein!!
I guess I should have known. The thought did cross my mind at some point but I wasn't sure if he was still affiliated with them at all. I got there early and was reading the program and when I saw his name my excitement rose to fever pitch. I wanted to tell everyone around me "OMG, Alex Klein is going to play this!". That's when I regretted buying the cheap ass tickets I got (and forgetting my binoculars). Oh well.
Sooooo the performance ended up being extra special because he is indeed a fantabulous player. Hehe, I even made up a word. I couldn't find absolutely any fault in his playing. His intonation was absolutely perfect. Even on that one really high note near the end of the piece. His sound was very beautiful though they were all playing in that sort of bright, Mozart style. What impressed me the most was his expression. Sometimes when you get so used to a specific recording you can't immediately appreciate a different interpretation. I was initially worried about that, but my worries were unfounded. I am still a complete novice at phrasing, etc. but know that I play a little better I guess I have more concrete ideas about how I feel the lines. His interpretation of them was very gratifying to me. I was expecting him to play it kind of strictly but he seemed to have a lot of fun with it and was way more expressive. For example on the kind of hairy part in the first movement (the part that's in minor and in sixteenth notes I believe) he started it off with just the slightest bit of rubato. Not sure how to explain this well, it was as though he very slightly elongated the very first note of that phrase. It was so great because it gave it tension and a lot of momentum. Ahh I had such a wonderful time (even though the conductor tended to rush a lot of the horn solos). What a wonderful and memorable rendition. I feel so lucky to have had a chance to hear him play.
I won't talk much about the Bruckner well because I went in not knowing anything about it and I feel the same way even after having listened to it. I had only gotten 2 hours of sleep the night before so maybe that hampered the experience for me. All I remember is that it was pretty long. Mahler is long, but I've really enjoyed his music. I think I need to listen to this Bruckner again. All I remember is that the brass was really loud. And that the principal oboist of the Chicago Symphony has a lovely, lovely dark sound.
Regarding my own travails: I am still struggling to get back into things after the Double Reed Day, a bout of illness, and three midterms. My practicing has gone out of kilter and my reed making has grinded to a halt. I have a lesson again on Wednesday so I am hoping my teacher can help me get back on track. I am very saddened by this turn of events but am confident that I can make it work because this is still what I want the most. Lately I have been feeling that absolutely everything is up in the air and that I barely know myself some days. But my desire to be the best oboist I can be is still there, burning brightly and very strong. I just need to get over this hurdle. I need to learn how to manage my time, pronto. It is totally doable to get my hour, maybe two, in every day. One thing that should help is that the quartet might start meeting again in two weeks.
Oh and the grades are in!!
Organic Chemistry: A-
Bio Lab Practical: A-
Biology: B-
Not too bad. I was most excited about the Orgo grade because I really needed it. Bio was a tiny bit disappointing especially since I had changed some answers which had I left would have resulted in a B/B+.
I hope that all my readers (hopefully you guys are still out there) are well.
*hugs*
Boy was I in for a surprise. Of course I assumed that the Chicago Symphony would be good. But guess who was the oboe soloist?????? Alex Klein!!
I guess I should have known. The thought did cross my mind at some point but I wasn't sure if he was still affiliated with them at all. I got there early and was reading the program and when I saw his name my excitement rose to fever pitch. I wanted to tell everyone around me "OMG, Alex Klein is going to play this!". That's when I regretted buying the cheap ass tickets I got (and forgetting my binoculars). Oh well.
Sooooo the performance ended up being extra special because he is indeed a fantabulous player. Hehe, I even made up a word. I couldn't find absolutely any fault in his playing. His intonation was absolutely perfect. Even on that one really high note near the end of the piece. His sound was very beautiful though they were all playing in that sort of bright, Mozart style. What impressed me the most was his expression. Sometimes when you get so used to a specific recording you can't immediately appreciate a different interpretation. I was initially worried about that, but my worries were unfounded. I am still a complete novice at phrasing, etc. but know that I play a little better I guess I have more concrete ideas about how I feel the lines. His interpretation of them was very gratifying to me. I was expecting him to play it kind of strictly but he seemed to have a lot of fun with it and was way more expressive. For example on the kind of hairy part in the first movement (the part that's in minor and in sixteenth notes I believe) he started it off with just the slightest bit of rubato. Not sure how to explain this well, it was as though he very slightly elongated the very first note of that phrase. It was so great because it gave it tension and a lot of momentum. Ahh I had such a wonderful time (even though the conductor tended to rush a lot of the horn solos). What a wonderful and memorable rendition. I feel so lucky to have had a chance to hear him play.
I won't talk much about the Bruckner well because I went in not knowing anything about it and I feel the same way even after having listened to it. I had only gotten 2 hours of sleep the night before so maybe that hampered the experience for me. All I remember is that it was pretty long. Mahler is long, but I've really enjoyed his music. I think I need to listen to this Bruckner again. All I remember is that the brass was really loud. And that the principal oboist of the Chicago Symphony has a lovely, lovely dark sound.
Regarding my own travails: I am still struggling to get back into things after the Double Reed Day, a bout of illness, and three midterms. My practicing has gone out of kilter and my reed making has grinded to a halt. I have a lesson again on Wednesday so I am hoping my teacher can help me get back on track. I am very saddened by this turn of events but am confident that I can make it work because this is still what I want the most. Lately I have been feeling that absolutely everything is up in the air and that I barely know myself some days. But my desire to be the best oboist I can be is still there, burning brightly and very strong. I just need to get over this hurdle. I need to learn how to manage my time, pronto. It is totally doable to get my hour, maybe two, in every day. One thing that should help is that the quartet might start meeting again in two weeks.
Oh and the grades are in!!
Organic Chemistry: A-
Bio Lab Practical: A-
Biology: B-
Not too bad. I was most excited about the Orgo grade because I really needed it. Bio was a tiny bit disappointing especially since I had changed some answers which had I left would have resulted in a B/B+.
I hope that all my readers (hopefully you guys are still out there) are well.
*hugs*
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAAAAAAAAAA!
They're over!
Exams are over. At least for another 2.5 weeks. :-)
Happy times are here again tralalalalalalala!
They're over!
Exams are over. At least for another 2.5 weeks. :-)
Happy times are here again tralalalalalalala!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
One more thought
I just have to say that this feeling of "brain exhaustion" is actually pleasant and addicting. It was exactly what was missing from my job before. It's no easy feat to study this much, but it feels so satisfying to actually be using that hunk of meat between my ears. I didn't realize it would take this much to actually tire it out though hahaha.
But, in all seriousness, I am very happy to have the opportunity to do this. To be in this country and not somewhere where women are treated like second class citizens. To be able to return to my alma mater, almost all expenses paid. To have the support of my loved ones though they don't quite understand what I have gotten myself involved in.
Not many people will have the chance to start over. It may never be fiscally feasible. Or may not be possible for a variety of other reasons. In my own case I had to work out a lot of issues before I was able to take the plunge. I am still so very happy I am trying this. Even after these past few weeks. I am thankful to God for the opportunity and for the strength He is granting me day to day in this path (I really need it).
Now I just need some extra lighting so that I know which way to go at the fork that lies ahead.
But, in all seriousness, I am very happy to have the opportunity to do this. To be in this country and not somewhere where women are treated like second class citizens. To be able to return to my alma mater, almost all expenses paid. To have the support of my loved ones though they don't quite understand what I have gotten myself involved in.
Not many people will have the chance to start over. It may never be fiscally feasible. Or may not be possible for a variety of other reasons. In my own case I had to work out a lot of issues before I was able to take the plunge. I am still so very happy I am trying this. Even after these past few weeks. I am thankful to God for the opportunity and for the strength He is granting me day to day in this path (I really need it).
Now I just need some extra lighting so that I know which way to go at the fork that lies ahead.
Running on empty
By this time tomorrow I will be done with tests. For about three weeks anyway.
Can someone please remind me . . . drill it into my thick skull, show me pictures of the circles under my eyes . . . that it would be a good idea to keep up with my courses as they go along instead of cramming a month's worth of work into about a third of the time.
For whatever reason I had been avoiding sitting down and working through the lecture notes/readings to understand things, especially for Biology. I was intimidated by the material because it had seemed so difficult in class. But I've come to realize over the past few days that the concepts aren't that hard at all. Everything fits together really nicely and the amount of hours it took to go from "huh" to "oh, I get it" were a lot less than I anticipated. Had I known this beforehand perhaps I wouldn't have procrastinated as much. 9:45 PM the night before the test should NOT be when I finally complete my thorough review of the lecture notes. That should have happened a week ago and I should have been simply reviewing for a week, not cramming in new material less then 24 hours before the test.
Amazingly, I am doing so much better than how I did as an undergrad. And to be fair to myself I did have three tests all in a week. I actually started studying two weeks ago, it's just that Bio was the last one so it was the one that kept getting put off.
Let's hope I have finally learned my lesson. The stuff is definitely challenging but it's not like I won't EVER get it. If I just put the time in, it will sink in. And it's much better if I put in 4 hours every day instead of two weeks worth of 12 hour days. Have you any idea how it feels to be thinking Biology for 8-10 hours at a time. Forcing my mind back to Bio from its fanciful departures is torture. I miss my fantasizing. UGH. If I have to see the word "pyruvate" again it will be too soon.
The main reason I need to stop procrastinating in school is so that my music doesn't pay the price for it. Poor little Luna has not gotten enough attention from me over the last two to three weeks. It all started after the Double Reed Day. The inside of my upper lip was sore for days. I have decent sized teeth and even if I am not biting on the reed my teeth are against my lips while I am playing. With the amount of playing I did that day I am pretty sure I was biting by the end of it, so I had tiny teeth marks in there. I gave myself a two day break from practicing but that and the upcoming tests lead for me to get off schedule. I've been playing more like every other day this month which sucks! But as of this week I've been back on track and playing every day, working back up to an hour. It's crazy how your chops start failing if you don't exercise them every day. *sigh* At least today I felt a bit more comfortable with the embouchure again. But I am having trouble with intonation. Hmm, let's blame the reed! Yeah, that's it. :-p
I hope to make an update on what I'm working on musically over the weekend. Now back to pyruvate.
Can someone please remind me . . . drill it into my thick skull, show me pictures of the circles under my eyes . . . that it would be a good idea to keep up with my courses as they go along instead of cramming a month's worth of work into about a third of the time.
For whatever reason I had been avoiding sitting down and working through the lecture notes/readings to understand things, especially for Biology. I was intimidated by the material because it had seemed so difficult in class. But I've come to realize over the past few days that the concepts aren't that hard at all. Everything fits together really nicely and the amount of hours it took to go from "huh" to "oh, I get it" were a lot less than I anticipated. Had I known this beforehand perhaps I wouldn't have procrastinated as much. 9:45 PM the night before the test should NOT be when I finally complete my thorough review of the lecture notes. That should have happened a week ago and I should have been simply reviewing for a week, not cramming in new material less then 24 hours before the test.
Amazingly, I am doing so much better than how I did as an undergrad. And to be fair to myself I did have three tests all in a week. I actually started studying two weeks ago, it's just that Bio was the last one so it was the one that kept getting put off.
Let's hope I have finally learned my lesson. The stuff is definitely challenging but it's not like I won't EVER get it. If I just put the time in, it will sink in. And it's much better if I put in 4 hours every day instead of two weeks worth of 12 hour days. Have you any idea how it feels to be thinking Biology for 8-10 hours at a time. Forcing my mind back to Bio from its fanciful departures is torture. I miss my fantasizing. UGH. If I have to see the word "pyruvate" again it will be too soon.
The main reason I need to stop procrastinating in school is so that my music doesn't pay the price for it. Poor little Luna has not gotten enough attention from me over the last two to three weeks. It all started after the Double Reed Day. The inside of my upper lip was sore for days. I have decent sized teeth and even if I am not biting on the reed my teeth are against my lips while I am playing. With the amount of playing I did that day I am pretty sure I was biting by the end of it, so I had tiny teeth marks in there. I gave myself a two day break from practicing but that and the upcoming tests lead for me to get off schedule. I've been playing more like every other day this month which sucks! But as of this week I've been back on track and playing every day, working back up to an hour. It's crazy how your chops start failing if you don't exercise them every day. *sigh* At least today I felt a bit more comfortable with the embouchure again. But I am having trouble with intonation. Hmm, let's blame the reed! Yeah, that's it. :-p
I hope to make an update on what I'm working on musically over the weekend. Now back to pyruvate.
Monday, October 24, 2005
2 down, 1 to go
*sigh of relief*
I just got out of my Orgo exam! *applause*
What an intense experience it was studying for that test. I studied Organic for about 12 hours a day for the last 3 days (in addition to the work I had done previously). My brain feels like mush. And the bad news is that I still have Bio to contend with. And unlike with Orgo I am both behind in Bio and don't enjoy studying it.
Then again this was the same predicament I was in last time and I ended up doing much better on the Bio exam.
I think I did ok on the Orgo. At least I was able to formulate answers for each of the questions. It's really frustrating that our professor likes to give super difficult tests in order to have a wide range of scores. Going through such tests can be very demoralizing. It wasn't like that this time, but it certainly was like that for the first test.
So in about 3 more days I will be able to leave the 7th circle of hell and take a break from the hard core studying. WOO HOO! I can't wait!!
By the way I think I found a group that I might be able to play with soon! Our school has a wind ensemble. They had a Halloween concert on Saturday and since I was on campus studying I got to see them rehearse. I wasn't sure what to expect. To be honest, I thought they'd be a bit smaller. They have something like 10 clarinets, 1 bass clarinet, 3 bassoons, 6 flutes, 3 tubas, 3 euphoniums, about 10 trumpets and trombones, and 1 oboe. Yes, 1 lonely little oboe! I went up to her and asked her if there were others and the first words out of her mouth were "Are you an oboist?". Tee hee! I told her I started playing recently and she said that perhaps I could audition next year, but one of the clarinetists next to her told me I should try out for next semester instead. Next semester will be even more grueling for me so I may have to wait until September 2006 anyway, but regardless I was excited about the group. It's not quite the wonderful sonority of a well balanced orchestra, but it might be a nice place to get my feet wet. I'm not sure if I'd be able to hear myself at all though. Let's see what happens. :-)
Glycolysis, here I come!!
I just got out of my Orgo exam! *applause*
What an intense experience it was studying for that test. I studied Organic for about 12 hours a day for the last 3 days (in addition to the work I had done previously). My brain feels like mush. And the bad news is that I still have Bio to contend with. And unlike with Orgo I am both behind in Bio and don't enjoy studying it.
Then again this was the same predicament I was in last time and I ended up doing much better on the Bio exam.
I think I did ok on the Orgo. At least I was able to formulate answers for each of the questions. It's really frustrating that our professor likes to give super difficult tests in order to have a wide range of scores. Going through such tests can be very demoralizing. It wasn't like that this time, but it certainly was like that for the first test.
So in about 3 more days I will be able to leave the 7th circle of hell and take a break from the hard core studying. WOO HOO! I can't wait!!
By the way I think I found a group that I might be able to play with soon! Our school has a wind ensemble. They had a Halloween concert on Saturday and since I was on campus studying I got to see them rehearse. I wasn't sure what to expect. To be honest, I thought they'd be a bit smaller. They have something like 10 clarinets, 1 bass clarinet, 3 bassoons, 6 flutes, 3 tubas, 3 euphoniums, about 10 trumpets and trombones, and 1 oboe. Yes, 1 lonely little oboe! I went up to her and asked her if there were others and the first words out of her mouth were "Are you an oboist?". Tee hee! I told her I started playing recently and she said that perhaps I could audition next year, but one of the clarinetists next to her told me I should try out for next semester instead. Next semester will be even more grueling for me so I may have to wait until September 2006 anyway, but regardless I was excited about the group. It's not quite the wonderful sonority of a well balanced orchestra, but it might be a nice place to get my feet wet. I'm not sure if I'd be able to hear myself at all though. Let's see what happens. :-)
Glycolysis, here I come!!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Staying alive, staying alive
YAY! A breather. I miss being able to blog every day. These days I may not get on a computer at all. The days of spending 10 hours sitting in the same chair staring at my monitor seem so far away now. Like a dream. In fact it feels like those entire 8 years were a dream and that now I've woken up to my real life. Only bad thing is I'm 8 years older hahah! Seriously, though I may whine about feeling overwhelmed I still prefer this 10000 times to what I was doing before. I can't even believe that I did that for so long!
We're just about halfway done with the semester already. And you know what that means - MIDTERMS!! The reason I have a few seconds to type this up right now is that I took my first one tonight. It was for Biology Lab. I may have mentioned before that we dissected fetal pigs. We also spent some time doing some histology (looking at tissues under slides). Our midterm consisted of 30 "stations". At each station was either a microscope or a pig (or part of one). The 10 microscope stations had unidentified slides in them. We had to first identify the tissue (e.g. kidney vs. pancreas). Then we had to identify what the structure the microscope pointer was pointing to. There were also some function questions like "what is the function of the cells in part a?" The pig stations had 5 pins each. Each pin would be set within a structure that we needed to identify (If you want to see VERY graphic pictures of it go here, but be warned that they may be disturbing). We were quizzed on absolutely everything from major organs, exotic side views, and every single artery/vein. Oh, and we were given only 90 seconds at each station. Boy, did those minutes and a half fly! After that stressful hour we then had an hour of essays. We were asked things like "describe the path that a CO2 molecule would take from the fetus's skull to outside the mother's nose" and "what are the ramifications of a fetus forming without a foramen ovale". I am sooooo glad that test is over. Though it is technically the easiest of my three midterms it was also the most stressful one because of the format of the test. I think I fared out ok which is good because I'm hoping that motivates me for all the studying that lies ahead. I have to study a good 8-10 hours each day for the next week. *gulp*
My Organic chemistry exam is on Monday and Biology is on Thursday. I am loving the orgo material right now but our professor is notorious for making her tests impossible. The mean in our first one was a 52/100! So I need to overstudy. Biology will also be very difficult and long as we're doing the ugliest topics (glycolysis/Kreb's cycle in all their gory detail) . Oh and I am very behind in that class. So what else is new.
Speaking of being behind and feeling bad about myself. This morning I was in a particularly foul mood. When I got on campus I was overwhelmed by a desire to practice. I had my oboe with me because I was expecting to stay around late. So instead of going to the library to study for my upcoming test I checked into a walk-in practice room. I hadn't played in 3 days which is the longest non-playing stretch I've had since returning to school. As soon as I took out the instrument and played the first few notes I teared up. It was a mixture of sadness, hapiness, and rapture all at the same time. At that moment I was so grateful to be doing exactly what I wanted to be doing. I had missed my oboe so much and I was so happy that I was still able to play. I realized yet again how music is indeed my true love. It's going to be a continual and painful struggle for me to balance things so that I can make time for it. But for that moment time froze and it was just me and Luna. And the world seemed absolutely perfect. Even my reed cooperated with me during my session and did not sag in pitch in the upper register. I was able to get a nice, well-rounded 70 minute practice session in: long tones, scales, technical exercises, and an etude. I emerged from there feeling refreshed and at peace. This allowed me to devote 3 intense hours to going over the material before the exam. I went in with a much more positive attitude than I would have had I not practiced.
The dental vs. medical battle has been raging at full force ever since I've been back at school. Days like today I feel very strongly that though I may be more interested in medicine from an intelletual point of view, that I HAVE to follow the path which allows more favorable lifestyle (i.e. dentistry). Why is it so hard for me to let go of the physician thing and just settle into dentistry happily?
I just need more days like today where it is 100 percent clear what is most important to me. Because then the choice is obvious.
Anyway, today has been good. I had a nice practice session which invigorated me and I think I did ok on my first test. If I can get to next Thursday I will have yet another chance to get my butt in gear and stay on top of things so that I can play more.
We're just about halfway done with the semester already. And you know what that means - MIDTERMS!! The reason I have a few seconds to type this up right now is that I took my first one tonight. It was for Biology Lab. I may have mentioned before that we dissected fetal pigs. We also spent some time doing some histology (looking at tissues under slides). Our midterm consisted of 30 "stations". At each station was either a microscope or a pig (or part of one). The 10 microscope stations had unidentified slides in them. We had to first identify the tissue (e.g. kidney vs. pancreas). Then we had to identify what the structure the microscope pointer was pointing to. There were also some function questions like "what is the function of the cells in part a?" The pig stations had 5 pins each. Each pin would be set within a structure that we needed to identify (If you want to see VERY graphic pictures of it go here, but be warned that they may be disturbing). We were quizzed on absolutely everything from major organs, exotic side views, and every single artery/vein. Oh, and we were given only 90 seconds at each station. Boy, did those minutes and a half fly! After that stressful hour we then had an hour of essays. We were asked things like "describe the path that a CO2 molecule would take from the fetus's skull to outside the mother's nose" and "what are the ramifications of a fetus forming without a foramen ovale". I am sooooo glad that test is over. Though it is technically the easiest of my three midterms it was also the most stressful one because of the format of the test. I think I fared out ok which is good because I'm hoping that motivates me for all the studying that lies ahead. I have to study a good 8-10 hours each day for the next week. *gulp*
My Organic chemistry exam is on Monday and Biology is on Thursday. I am loving the orgo material right now but our professor is notorious for making her tests impossible. The mean in our first one was a 52/100! So I need to overstudy. Biology will also be very difficult and long as we're doing the ugliest topics (glycolysis/Kreb's cycle in all their gory detail) . Oh and I am very behind in that class. So what else is new.
Speaking of being behind and feeling bad about myself. This morning I was in a particularly foul mood. When I got on campus I was overwhelmed by a desire to practice. I had my oboe with me because I was expecting to stay around late. So instead of going to the library to study for my upcoming test I checked into a walk-in practice room. I hadn't played in 3 days which is the longest non-playing stretch I've had since returning to school. As soon as I took out the instrument and played the first few notes I teared up. It was a mixture of sadness, hapiness, and rapture all at the same time. At that moment I was so grateful to be doing exactly what I wanted to be doing. I had missed my oboe so much and I was so happy that I was still able to play. I realized yet again how music is indeed my true love. It's going to be a continual and painful struggle for me to balance things so that I can make time for it. But for that moment time froze and it was just me and Luna. And the world seemed absolutely perfect. Even my reed cooperated with me during my session and did not sag in pitch in the upper register. I was able to get a nice, well-rounded 70 minute practice session in: long tones, scales, technical exercises, and an etude. I emerged from there feeling refreshed and at peace. This allowed me to devote 3 intense hours to going over the material before the exam. I went in with a much more positive attitude than I would have had I not practiced.
The dental vs. medical battle has been raging at full force ever since I've been back at school. Days like today I feel very strongly that though I may be more interested in medicine from an intelletual point of view, that I HAVE to follow the path which allows more favorable lifestyle (i.e. dentistry). Why is it so hard for me to let go of the physician thing and just settle into dentistry happily?
I just need more days like today where it is 100 percent clear what is most important to me. Because then the choice is obvious.
Anyway, today has been good. I had a nice practice session which invigorated me and I think I did ok on my first test. If I can get to next Thursday I will have yet another chance to get my butt in gear and stay on top of things so that I can play more.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Have oboe, will travel
I ended up driving 6 hours in heavy rain last Saturday in order to attend the Double Reed Day at Schenectady County Community College. Though I'm not sure if I would do that again, I am happy that I participated in the program.
Leading up to the event I was getting very nervous about whether I'd stand out in a bad way. I was pretty sure I'd be the worst one there and a part of me wondered what I had gotten myself into. Then I figured that there was no way it was going to be filled solely with prodigies or professionals.
The first session focused mostly on the English Horn. Though I have yet to ever hold one in my hands I definitely plan on playing EH some day. It is, after all, the reason why I even started the oboe in the first place. The session was pretty high level so it didn't go over my head. The presenter spoke about bocals, reeds, fingerings, and repertoire.
After that we attended a faculty recital. The following were played:
Vivaldi - Trio Sonata for Oboe and Bassoon
Mozart - Oboe Concerto (mvt. 1)
Beethoven - La Ci Darem Variations for 2 oboes and EH
as well as a couple of pieces for bassoon and piano
All the oboists had nice sound, though their embouchures were quite different. There are so many ways to peel this potato, I guess. The bassoon pieces were interesting but I felt like there was a lot of air hiss going on at times which detracted from the beauty of it. Is that normal for bassoons?
After lunch, I attended my very first master class. I didn't know what to expect; at first I was worried that I'd have to play. But my fears were unfounded. Two high school girls got to be in the hot seat. The first one worked on the first movement of the Mozart concerto. Picky little piece of music, isn't it? The student didn't have it all under her fingers yet but she did reasonably well. She had a nice sound and good intonation. The "master" (is that what you call them?) focused mostly on phrasing in her comments. It was very helpful to hear how real oboists think about phrasing and expression. I have definitely only scratched the surface with that. The second student worked on Saint Saens Oboe Sonata which is one of my favorites. She did stupendously on the second movement. The master thought so too; the only thing she thought she heard off was that one note sagged in pitch. I was amazed. That kid is 16 years old and has a superb sound and wonderful musicality.
Following the master class we attended a reed making session. By this point it had become apparent that I was most certainly the person with the least amount of time on the instrument. However, when it came to reeds I was actually way ahead of the pack. More than half of the players didn't even make their own reeds and another quarter of them were trying to get into reed making but were still pretty much clueless. I realized just how much I have learned from both of my teachers about reed making!
Next came the double reed ensemble rehearsal. In all we had the following numbers: about 20 oboes, 8 english horns, 12 bassoons, and a contrabassoon. This was my first time sitting in such a big section and I started getting very nervous. Like sweaty nervous. Not very good. With the humid conditions outside I was feeling like my reeds were mushy and a sense of panic came over me. Thankfully I was able to get myself together before we started playing. The conductor made a joke about who would give the starting pitch. Our first attempt at tuning was kind of scary. The sound was pretty strange and discordant. Eventually we managed to tune up. We practiced the Milhaud piece first. I had no idea how crazy the harmonies would be. No wonder some of it sounded off to me: parts of the piece were bitonal! Woah! Thankfully we didn't do it at the marked tempo of 138 so I was able to keep up with it. Either that or the adrenaline allowed me to play faster. The next piece was the Habanera. It turned out that the solos were assigned to a single player which was nice because I didn't have to worry about that high E-flat. Trying to play endless measures of staccato pp tired out my mouth. The last piece was the "Dog Day Tango" which was written by the composer. This one too had some strange harmonic ideas but it sounded better than I was expecting (my part seemed kind of boring when I'd practice it at home). There was one part in the beginning where he told us that only one oboe per stand should play it and I got to do it. Woohoo. That was sort of close to a solo. I realized that it's hard to hear yourself over a big group. I guess it's different in a real orchestra where the instrumentation is more balanced, but then you have to play over the brass. I was a bit frustrated that I couldn't hear myself but oh well.
Following that rehearsal we went into separate room for small ensembles. I'm not sure who's bright idea that was because I was too tired from the one hour non-stop big ensemble rehearsal. When I got to the small room I was greeted by water in my G key hole. That was a first for me. Now I understood why everyone kept blowing into the sides of their instruments. My small ensemble turned out to be an ob, ob, EH trio and we ended up working on the La Ci Darem variations. I didn't think I'd be able to catch up but somehow I was able to! The English Hornist commented that my sound is great for only playing for 10 months. And she was also impressed that I was able to keep up. Haha, so was I. Those variations were actually tons of fun. And after not being able to hear myself for an hour I welcomed the chamber music experience. Though I still want to play in an orchestra some day I think I will also want to be playing in a smaller ensemble as well. They're two totally different experiences I think. Anyway, those variations were so fun that I think I want to pick up the ob, clarinet, bassoon version. Only problem is that then I'd get stuck with the hard part. *gulp*
The last part of the program was the recital where we listened to the first and second movements of the Vaughan Williams Oboe Concerto and the Poulenc Trio for Oboe and Bassoon, among others. Both were great. We also got to perform our three little pieces for big double reed ensemble. I'd say it turned out well though I wonder what the audience made of the sonority. I guess I'll never know. I'm glad that's over though so that I don't have to work on those pieces anymore and can focus on my own stuff.
I found out that the 2007 IDRS conference might be in upstate New York so I will definitely try to attend that when the time comes.
All in all it was a great experience. It was fun to hang around so many other oboists. I realized that though I have a long way to go, I've already learned so much and have come a long way. Had I attended this event with the sound I had before I would have stuck out like a sore thumb. The fact that I was able to blend in was amazing and speaks a lot for how wonderful my teacher is. I am really so indebted to her for guiding me along the right path. The entire day I kept realizing just how much she's given me already. I am so thankful. I need to let her know that!
Leading up to the event I was getting very nervous about whether I'd stand out in a bad way. I was pretty sure I'd be the worst one there and a part of me wondered what I had gotten myself into. Then I figured that there was no way it was going to be filled solely with prodigies or professionals.
The first session focused mostly on the English Horn. Though I have yet to ever hold one in my hands I definitely plan on playing EH some day. It is, after all, the reason why I even started the oboe in the first place. The session was pretty high level so it didn't go over my head. The presenter spoke about bocals, reeds, fingerings, and repertoire.
After that we attended a faculty recital. The following were played:
Vivaldi - Trio Sonata for Oboe and Bassoon
Mozart - Oboe Concerto (mvt. 1)
Beethoven - La Ci Darem Variations for 2 oboes and EH
as well as a couple of pieces for bassoon and piano
All the oboists had nice sound, though their embouchures were quite different. There are so many ways to peel this potato, I guess. The bassoon pieces were interesting but I felt like there was a lot of air hiss going on at times which detracted from the beauty of it. Is that normal for bassoons?
After lunch, I attended my very first master class. I didn't know what to expect; at first I was worried that I'd have to play. But my fears were unfounded. Two high school girls got to be in the hot seat. The first one worked on the first movement of the Mozart concerto. Picky little piece of music, isn't it? The student didn't have it all under her fingers yet but she did reasonably well. She had a nice sound and good intonation. The "master" (is that what you call them?) focused mostly on phrasing in her comments. It was very helpful to hear how real oboists think about phrasing and expression. I have definitely only scratched the surface with that. The second student worked on Saint Saens Oboe Sonata which is one of my favorites. She did stupendously on the second movement. The master thought so too; the only thing she thought she heard off was that one note sagged in pitch. I was amazed. That kid is 16 years old and has a superb sound and wonderful musicality.
Following the master class we attended a reed making session. By this point it had become apparent that I was most certainly the person with the least amount of time on the instrument. However, when it came to reeds I was actually way ahead of the pack. More than half of the players didn't even make their own reeds and another quarter of them were trying to get into reed making but were still pretty much clueless. I realized just how much I have learned from both of my teachers about reed making!
Next came the double reed ensemble rehearsal. In all we had the following numbers: about 20 oboes, 8 english horns, 12 bassoons, and a contrabassoon. This was my first time sitting in such a big section and I started getting very nervous. Like sweaty nervous. Not very good. With the humid conditions outside I was feeling like my reeds were mushy and a sense of panic came over me. Thankfully I was able to get myself together before we started playing. The conductor made a joke about who would give the starting pitch. Our first attempt at tuning was kind of scary. The sound was pretty strange and discordant. Eventually we managed to tune up. We practiced the Milhaud piece first. I had no idea how crazy the harmonies would be. No wonder some of it sounded off to me: parts of the piece were bitonal! Woah! Thankfully we didn't do it at the marked tempo of 138 so I was able to keep up with it. Either that or the adrenaline allowed me to play faster. The next piece was the Habanera. It turned out that the solos were assigned to a single player which was nice because I didn't have to worry about that high E-flat. Trying to play endless measures of staccato pp tired out my mouth. The last piece was the "Dog Day Tango" which was written by the composer. This one too had some strange harmonic ideas but it sounded better than I was expecting (my part seemed kind of boring when I'd practice it at home). There was one part in the beginning where he told us that only one oboe per stand should play it and I got to do it. Woohoo. That was sort of close to a solo. I realized that it's hard to hear yourself over a big group. I guess it's different in a real orchestra where the instrumentation is more balanced, but then you have to play over the brass. I was a bit frustrated that I couldn't hear myself but oh well.
Following that rehearsal we went into separate room for small ensembles. I'm not sure who's bright idea that was because I was too tired from the one hour non-stop big ensemble rehearsal. When I got to the small room I was greeted by water in my G key hole. That was a first for me. Now I understood why everyone kept blowing into the sides of their instruments. My small ensemble turned out to be an ob, ob, EH trio and we ended up working on the La Ci Darem variations. I didn't think I'd be able to catch up but somehow I was able to! The English Hornist commented that my sound is great for only playing for 10 months. And she was also impressed that I was able to keep up. Haha, so was I. Those variations were actually tons of fun. And after not being able to hear myself for an hour I welcomed the chamber music experience. Though I still want to play in an orchestra some day I think I will also want to be playing in a smaller ensemble as well. They're two totally different experiences I think. Anyway, those variations were so fun that I think I want to pick up the ob, clarinet, bassoon version. Only problem is that then I'd get stuck with the hard part. *gulp*
The last part of the program was the recital where we listened to the first and second movements of the Vaughan Williams Oboe Concerto and the Poulenc Trio for Oboe and Bassoon, among others. Both were great. We also got to perform our three little pieces for big double reed ensemble. I'd say it turned out well though I wonder what the audience made of the sonority. I guess I'll never know. I'm glad that's over though so that I don't have to work on those pieces anymore and can focus on my own stuff.
I found out that the 2007 IDRS conference might be in upstate New York so I will definitely try to attend that when the time comes.
All in all it was a great experience. It was fun to hang around so many other oboists. I realized that though I have a long way to go, I've already learned so much and have come a long way. Had I attended this event with the sound I had before I would have stuck out like a sore thumb. The fact that I was able to blend in was amazing and speaks a lot for how wonderful my teacher is. I am really so indebted to her for guiding me along the right path. The entire day I kept realizing just how much she's given me already. I am so thankful. I need to let her know that!
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Back from the dark side of the moon . . .
. . . and boy was it an exhausting expedition.
September started out innocently enough. I was excited about *finally* being back in school full-time. I'd only been dreaming about it for the last 4 years or so. I bought all my books early and set up my study area at home. I bought breakfast foods so that I could grab something to eat before the commute in. Loads upon loads of laundry were done so that my student wardrobe would be all set. I was ready. Or so I thought.
The first thing that caught me off guard was physical exhaustion. I hadn't been that tired since the year I taught second grade. Like a big old nerd I was carrying two giant science textbooks along with some notebooks around. I had no clue how much walking I would be doing. According to the old NYC wisdom that 20 blocks equals a mile I was walking over a mile on some days. With the 30 pound backpack. The one hour commute each way probably had an impact too. All I know was that I was chronically tired those first two weeks.
Perhaps that's when I managed to start falling behind in my courses. I was studying at least a little bit every day so I felt that I was on top of things. But during the week of the 18th, things started to fall apart. I had both an Organic Chemistry and a Biology test coming up, on the 26th and 29th, respectively. When I sat down to figure out where I was at that week, I suddenly realized that I was not in good shape at all. A period of panic (but not much useful work) ensued.
I had an oboe lesson on Wednesday the 21st. I had been looking forward to it and was hoping it would help me recharge. Once we got the practice room door to finally open (there was an issue with my key) the lesson went off to a reasonably good start. But somewhere near the end I started struggling. At one point my teacher told me that I wasn't committed to doing the correct embouchure yet, that I could now form it but for some reason wasn't able to hold on to it. I was completely devastated. In hindsight I definitely read too much into it; she was just stating the obvious. But at that moment I felt like the world's biggest loser. I have been studying with her for a few months now and we've been talking about the embouchure since the second lesson. How could it be that I still hadn't managed to perfect it? I think I can say that the hour right after the lesson was the low point of my first month back at school. I walked out of the lesson with my little water container in hand (it was a baby food jar). Can you believe that it slipped out of my hand and onto the college steps, cracking in many pieces? I nearly lost it. I bent down and carefully picked up all the pieces and deposited them in a glass recycling bin and then I found a quiet corner on campus and wept. I felt just like that broken jar, shattered and useless. How could I still not be good at absolutely anything? It seemed that the only thing I was good at was being bad at many different things at the same time. How could I love music so much yet be undisciplined? How could I quit my lucrative job to go back to school and then fall behind within weeks? Why did I lose control of my health and appearance so that now I felt so frumpy, old, fat, and ugly next to all the young students at school? Have you ever had those moments? Where absolutely everything sucked? And then it was followed by guilt. How could I be there wallowing in self-pity when there are people all over the country and the world with real problems? That thought shook me up somewhat and I was able to continue plodding along.
I guess since I had reached a low point there was no where to go but up. But the climb up was not immediate. I studied hard for my Organic test that weekend. Yet when I went in on Monday I panicked and blanked out. I left the test knowing that I had not done very well. From there I went to study Biology with some others from the class. But again I was met with disappointment. They were clearly well caught up in class and were talking about things that I hadn't prepared yet. Feelings of dread were about to come over me again but I decided to take control of things instead. I excused myself and went off to a library to study what I needed to study. I realized I had two options for the Bio test. Stay unprepared and feel as badly as I did after the Orgo test or give it my all and try to actually do well. The latter seemed like an insurmountable task since I was quite behind in Biology but somehow I managed to study mostly non stop for about three days. I was nervous going into the test on Thursday but I tried to keep a positive attitude. Rather than sit and panic for 45 minutes like I did for Orgo, I dove right in. I opened the first page and just started writing (usually I look at the entire test first). After an excrutiating 100 minutes of thinking and writing the test was over and I was feeling GOOD! I think I may have actually aced it! Even if I don't though, I finally figured out how best to study for all of my classes. And now that I have things under control I am feeling much better.
I think I tend to get into these hopeless states when I lose control of the things I am supposed to do. Both my husband and I are sacrificing so much for me to have this opportunity. I can't afford to keep procrastinating and doing poorly. I have no excuses for it! I *must* learn proper time management as that will be the only way for me to do everything I want to do in the coming years.
So after feeling very horrible for about three weeks I am finally around the bend. Having learned how to study for my courses (which is the thing I am supposed to be doing) I am now feeling much better. Even the desire to practice my oboe daily has returned! Once I have those two things going I can add a few workouts a week and I will be golden.
Oh that was another thing. I did attempt to go to the gym nearly two weeks ago. And what happened? I somehow managed to strain or pull a neck/shoulder muscle and I am *still* in pain from it. Ugh!
And I did write to my teacher to tell her that I felt horrible about disappointing her at our last lesson. She wrote me a very nice email back and said that I was doing incredibly well and that I simply have too overly high expectations (I've heard that before *giggle*). She assured me that embouchure and the other things we've been discussing are things that take years to "perfect" and that I am certainly on the right track. *sigh of relief* As much as I do enjoy learning science my music is still the most important thing. It would absolutely break my heart if I never reached my musical goals. As long as I am on the right path for them I don't care how long it will take and I will be happy. And the rest of my life will be ok too.
The school did finally approve my commuter locker so I no longer have to break my back. Perhaps now my shoulder/neck will finally heal. I ended up getting a B on the Orgo test. Not great, but not overly bad either.
Ok not sure if this all came out very clearly but I am rushing to get it down before I head off to church. I will try to update more regularly now that things have mostly normalized.
Thanks for your support!
September started out innocently enough. I was excited about *finally* being back in school full-time. I'd only been dreaming about it for the last 4 years or so. I bought all my books early and set up my study area at home. I bought breakfast foods so that I could grab something to eat before the commute in. Loads upon loads of laundry were done so that my student wardrobe would be all set. I was ready. Or so I thought.
The first thing that caught me off guard was physical exhaustion. I hadn't been that tired since the year I taught second grade. Like a big old nerd I was carrying two giant science textbooks along with some notebooks around. I had no clue how much walking I would be doing. According to the old NYC wisdom that 20 blocks equals a mile I was walking over a mile on some days. With the 30 pound backpack. The one hour commute each way probably had an impact too. All I know was that I was chronically tired those first two weeks.
Perhaps that's when I managed to start falling behind in my courses. I was studying at least a little bit every day so I felt that I was on top of things. But during the week of the 18th, things started to fall apart. I had both an Organic Chemistry and a Biology test coming up, on the 26th and 29th, respectively. When I sat down to figure out where I was at that week, I suddenly realized that I was not in good shape at all. A period of panic (but not much useful work) ensued.
I had an oboe lesson on Wednesday the 21st. I had been looking forward to it and was hoping it would help me recharge. Once we got the practice room door to finally open (there was an issue with my key) the lesson went off to a reasonably good start. But somewhere near the end I started struggling. At one point my teacher told me that I wasn't committed to doing the correct embouchure yet, that I could now form it but for some reason wasn't able to hold on to it. I was completely devastated. In hindsight I definitely read too much into it; she was just stating the obvious. But at that moment I felt like the world's biggest loser. I have been studying with her for a few months now and we've been talking about the embouchure since the second lesson. How could it be that I still hadn't managed to perfect it? I think I can say that the hour right after the lesson was the low point of my first month back at school. I walked out of the lesson with my little water container in hand (it was a baby food jar). Can you believe that it slipped out of my hand and onto the college steps, cracking in many pieces? I nearly lost it. I bent down and carefully picked up all the pieces and deposited them in a glass recycling bin and then I found a quiet corner on campus and wept. I felt just like that broken jar, shattered and useless. How could I still not be good at absolutely anything? It seemed that the only thing I was good at was being bad at many different things at the same time. How could I love music so much yet be undisciplined? How could I quit my lucrative job to go back to school and then fall behind within weeks? Why did I lose control of my health and appearance so that now I felt so frumpy, old, fat, and ugly next to all the young students at school? Have you ever had those moments? Where absolutely everything sucked? And then it was followed by guilt. How could I be there wallowing in self-pity when there are people all over the country and the world with real problems? That thought shook me up somewhat and I was able to continue plodding along.
I guess since I had reached a low point there was no where to go but up. But the climb up was not immediate. I studied hard for my Organic test that weekend. Yet when I went in on Monday I panicked and blanked out. I left the test knowing that I had not done very well. From there I went to study Biology with some others from the class. But again I was met with disappointment. They were clearly well caught up in class and were talking about things that I hadn't prepared yet. Feelings of dread were about to come over me again but I decided to take control of things instead. I excused myself and went off to a library to study what I needed to study. I realized I had two options for the Bio test. Stay unprepared and feel as badly as I did after the Orgo test or give it my all and try to actually do well. The latter seemed like an insurmountable task since I was quite behind in Biology but somehow I managed to study mostly non stop for about three days. I was nervous going into the test on Thursday but I tried to keep a positive attitude. Rather than sit and panic for 45 minutes like I did for Orgo, I dove right in. I opened the first page and just started writing (usually I look at the entire test first). After an excrutiating 100 minutes of thinking and writing the test was over and I was feeling GOOD! I think I may have actually aced it! Even if I don't though, I finally figured out how best to study for all of my classes. And now that I have things under control I am feeling much better.
I think I tend to get into these hopeless states when I lose control of the things I am supposed to do. Both my husband and I are sacrificing so much for me to have this opportunity. I can't afford to keep procrastinating and doing poorly. I have no excuses for it! I *must* learn proper time management as that will be the only way for me to do everything I want to do in the coming years.
So after feeling very horrible for about three weeks I am finally around the bend. Having learned how to study for my courses (which is the thing I am supposed to be doing) I am now feeling much better. Even the desire to practice my oboe daily has returned! Once I have those two things going I can add a few workouts a week and I will be golden.
Oh that was another thing. I did attempt to go to the gym nearly two weeks ago. And what happened? I somehow managed to strain or pull a neck/shoulder muscle and I am *still* in pain from it. Ugh!
And I did write to my teacher to tell her that I felt horrible about disappointing her at our last lesson. She wrote me a very nice email back and said that I was doing incredibly well and that I simply have too overly high expectations (I've heard that before *giggle*). She assured me that embouchure and the other things we've been discussing are things that take years to "perfect" and that I am certainly on the right track. *sigh of relief* As much as I do enjoy learning science my music is still the most important thing. It would absolutely break my heart if I never reached my musical goals. As long as I am on the right path for them I don't care how long it will take and I will be happy. And the rest of my life will be ok too.
The school did finally approve my commuter locker so I no longer have to break my back. Perhaps now my shoulder/neck will finally heal. I ended up getting a B on the Orgo test. Not great, but not overly bad either.
Ok not sure if this all came out very clearly but I am rushing to get it down before I head off to church. I will try to update more regularly now that things have mostly normalized.
Thanks for your support!
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Transitions are difficult
I've been wanting to make a long post for a few days now but am short on time. Right now I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and have not quite gotten the hang on my new life. I had been feeling increasingly bad but think I am turning a corner soon. I don't want to make an overly down post so I rather wait until the weekend. Once my two tests are done with I will feel better.
Change is good but no one said it was easy. Right now I feel like I am not good at anything. Hopefully I will get the hang of things soon enough.
Change is good but no one said it was easy. Right now I feel like I am not good at anything. Hopefully I will get the hang of things soon enough.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
My Saturday
JC and Mabel have class on Saturdays so when I got up today no one else was home. I took it easy in the morning. I made myself a parfait of nonfat yogurt, granola, and strawberries. After breakfast, I washed my hair and did my rollers. While I sat in the dryer I did some Organic Chemistry problems. And then I did some more problems. My people got home at around 3 PM and I continued to work on Orgo problems. They're kind of fun actually. We're still doing easy stuff. Eventually I took a break to go out to get some food to make dinner. I cooked three nights in a row! I think that's a record for me. Tonight we had rice and fried steak and snow peas. After dinner JC left for his gig. He's playing with like 79 groups right now. Ok, maybe just 4 or so. At that point I put some clothes in the washer and went back upstairs to finish my chapter 3 Orgo problems. We're already on page 100 in the textbook after three lectures. The text is nicely written though and not overly dry for a Science textbook.
I realized eventually that I was procrastinating about practicing. Why do I always do that? It's becoming a daily struggle. When I first get up I want to play. But as the day wears on I start procrastinating. At around 9:45 I finally made my way down and ended up playing past 11. That always happens too. Once I star I'm fine with it. But something about actually starting it freaks me out. I think I get lonely in the basement or something. I am surprised I managed to do it especially since I was home alone (Mabel went out with a friend). When JC is home and playing his piano down there I have less trouble getting down. Anyway, my Jacob "Interludes" are moving along. I feel better about all the movements except for that naughty Scherzetto. It's almost all staccato and also very chromatic so when I'm not playing sharp I am playing the wrong note. And this is at 2/3 tempo. Woah.
My practice session went well today. I didn't do as much technical stuff as I usually do. I think that's what had me in a slump. I did some long tones and then dove right into my music. I think that my embouchure is definitely improving and looking more like this (see young girl at the bottom of the page). I don't have to look at the mirror ALL of the time anymore; I can kind of tell when it's right and when it isn't. I'm trying to employ all of the elements of a good embouchure now: the corners of the mouth, flat chin, non-biting. We'll see what my teacher says on Wednesday. I'm excited about having an upcoming lesson!
I recorded myself again tonight. The last time I had done that was July 21st. That time I recorded myself doing a C major scale and Cui's Orientale. Tonight I did the same thing again for comparison. I was pleased to hear modest improvements in both sound and technique. Though I had been feeling as though I had no endurance and all kinds of breathing issues I managed to keep the lines of the music better this time and paid more attention to phrasing. I also didn't get as tired as the last time that I played the piece.
I was so inspired after my practice that I went upstairs and started two new reeds!
Now I'm here blogging. What a productive day! Did my hair, lots of studying, washed a load, cooked dinner, practiced, made reeds, blogged. *phew* No wonder I'm sleepy hehe.
Let me ramble some more though.
My oboe anniversary is coming up (well, in December) and I keep wondering how I'm doing overall. Maybe I will ask my teacher to assess me at that time. Maybe it's my Type A coming out, but I would really like to know if I am doing below average, average, or above average for a one year amateur. I don't know why it's important to me, perhaps because I'm so school oriented and am always curious to know where I stand in terms of ranking. Well, regardless, I still love playing my oboe and will continue even if I'm in the bottom of the pack.
Last week they had auditions at school for the orchestra. *sigh* It would be so cool to be able to play there some day. They are going to play Brahms's 4th this season. I'm so jealous!! Oh and they have 5!!! oboists on the roster this year. Damn. Last year they had to get people from outside which was a good sign because maybe some year they'd be desperate and would need me. Hmmmm.
I found out about yet another school orchestra with open auditions. There's something called the BMCC Downtown Orchestra (at Borough of Manhattan Community College). There was a flyer about them up at Columbia. I wanted to get more info on them but when I called the director his mailbox was full. I guess it must be really popular which means I'd probably not ever get in.
I also got an email about chamber groups forming up at my old school. Temptations, temptations. But I rather our quartet pick up instead. So for now I will stay focused on that. We're on hiatus right now because "Fututo" (the bassoon) is at the shop.
I realized eventually that I was procrastinating about practicing. Why do I always do that? It's becoming a daily struggle. When I first get up I want to play. But as the day wears on I start procrastinating. At around 9:45 I finally made my way down and ended up playing past 11. That always happens too. Once I star I'm fine with it. But something about actually starting it freaks me out. I think I get lonely in the basement or something. I am surprised I managed to do it especially since I was home alone (Mabel went out with a friend). When JC is home and playing his piano down there I have less trouble getting down. Anyway, my Jacob "Interludes" are moving along. I feel better about all the movements except for that naughty Scherzetto. It's almost all staccato and also very chromatic so when I'm not playing sharp I am playing the wrong note. And this is at 2/3 tempo. Woah.
My practice session went well today. I didn't do as much technical stuff as I usually do. I think that's what had me in a slump. I did some long tones and then dove right into my music. I think that my embouchure is definitely improving and looking more like this (see young girl at the bottom of the page). I don't have to look at the mirror ALL of the time anymore; I can kind of tell when it's right and when it isn't. I'm trying to employ all of the elements of a good embouchure now: the corners of the mouth, flat chin, non-biting. We'll see what my teacher says on Wednesday. I'm excited about having an upcoming lesson!
I recorded myself again tonight. The last time I had done that was July 21st. That time I recorded myself doing a C major scale and Cui's Orientale. Tonight I did the same thing again for comparison. I was pleased to hear modest improvements in both sound and technique. Though I had been feeling as though I had no endurance and all kinds of breathing issues I managed to keep the lines of the music better this time and paid more attention to phrasing. I also didn't get as tired as the last time that I played the piece.
I was so inspired after my practice that I went upstairs and started two new reeds!
Now I'm here blogging. What a productive day! Did my hair, lots of studying, washed a load, cooked dinner, practiced, made reeds, blogged. *phew* No wonder I'm sleepy hehe.
Let me ramble some more though.
My oboe anniversary is coming up (well, in December) and I keep wondering how I'm doing overall. Maybe I will ask my teacher to assess me at that time. Maybe it's my Type A coming out, but I would really like to know if I am doing below average, average, or above average for a one year amateur. I don't know why it's important to me, perhaps because I'm so school oriented and am always curious to know where I stand in terms of ranking. Well, regardless, I still love playing my oboe and will continue even if I'm in the bottom of the pack.
Last week they had auditions at school for the orchestra. *sigh* It would be so cool to be able to play there some day. They are going to play Brahms's 4th this season. I'm so jealous!! Oh and they have 5!!! oboists on the roster this year. Damn. Last year they had to get people from outside which was a good sign because maybe some year they'd be desperate and would need me. Hmmmm.
I found out about yet another school orchestra with open auditions. There's something called the BMCC Downtown Orchestra (at Borough of Manhattan Community College). There was a flyer about them up at Columbia. I wanted to get more info on them but when I called the director his mailbox was full. I guess it must be really popular which means I'd probably not ever get in.
I also got an email about chamber groups forming up at my old school. Temptations, temptations. But I rather our quartet pick up instead. So for now I will stay focused on that. We're on hiatus right now because "Fututo" (the bassoon) is at the shop.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Busy student
It's become a bit difficult to find a time and place for updatting the blog now that I am no longer sitting in front of a computer all day. The computer labs at school are always crowded and you can usually only snag a machine for a few minutes. Once I get home I am usually too tired or wired to sit down and type in peace. But I'll try to do as best I can.
Here are some of the highlights from the previous week:
So far I find Organic Chemistry more interesting than Biology. I like that Orgo is a depth rather than a breadth course. I feel like I have better control of the influx of information. In Biology we've already discussed myriad topics and they're all confused in my mind.
We'll be dissecting a fetal pig in Biology Lab. *gulp* I almost teared up thinking about the poor pig but I have to remember that it will be a good learning experience. I've never dissected anything before so I am curious as to how I'll fare with it.
As much as I've tried to banish the MD thoughts they keep returning. I will definitely have to spend at least some time doing some final dental vs. medical research. I have to know by the end of the semester which entrance exam I'll be taking otherwise I risk having to postpone entry a year in order to work things out.
I must decide whether or not to return to the hospital I was at last year for my volunteer work. It was sooooo boring. I rather spend my time doing something that will help me decide which path to go on. I must sound confused and though I am a bit unsure it doesn't feel desperate like before. I'm confident that I'll figure something out soon enough. At least now I'm moving in the right direction.
I'm mostly keeping up with the classes but now that the warm up is over I have to go into high gear.
So far I've been able to practice ok though it's a bit complicated to figure out where I'll be all day. Now that I'm commuting in with JC sometimes he has rehearsals in the evenings which leaves me stranded in the City. Well, not really stranded, I end up going to my Mom's. But I need to know ahead of time so I can take my oboe stuff with me. However the groups he's playing in don't always know ahead of time so I end up lugging my music stuff with me all day long somedays and not using it. That sucks because then I get home so tired that I don't feel like practicing.
Today I snagged a spot in a walk in practice room and managed to get some time in while on campus. This is ideal because I practiced while I was still awake and didn't have to worry about it when I got home. I have the option of being done for the day or doing a second session.
Second sessions should become more of a habit once my body gets used to the new schedule. Boy was I NOT prepared for how tired I'd be at the end of the day. I am walking around so much now with my heavy backpack and every day I am reminded that I am not 18 anymore. I look at all the underclassmen and think of how I was there 13 years ago. I definitely feel the years lately. At least now my feet have stopped swelling somewhat and my knees are feeling better. Last week I was in utter pain! I passed out on the floor about an hour ago and took a nap. I hope my body gets adjusted soon. The PMS is not helping matters. Maybe I'll be a-ok in another week.
I got an official practice room slot on Wednesdays from 3-5 PM. The Music department only allowed us to sign up for two hours at a time this week. If any other times are available next week then we can sign up for more. I was a dismayed at not being able to get more time but so far my teacher thinks that the time should work for her every other week starting next week. The week delay actually works out because it gives me more time to practice. And to make reeds of course.
Luna (the oboe) had an accident last Thursday! I have one of those cheap plastic oboe stands with four legs and somehow I knocked it over. You can imagine how mortified I was. At first I didn't think that anything had happened to it and so I took a break. When I went back to it I noticed that the side octave key was no longer moving. Upon further inspection I noticed that the key was no longer perfectly straight. Luckily my teacher offered me some moral support via email and also furnished me with the number of a trusty repairperson. The next day I got Luna fixed up for just $30. It was painful to watch him dissamble some of the keywork and even hammer her with a plastic hammer. But in the end she felt good. I feel that the range of motion of the key is ever so slightly less but the pitch and everything seem fine. Luna survived her first accident mostly unscathed. I'll have my teacher confirm that next week.
Hmm, what else? Nothing much other than being VERY tired. But also quite happy. I don't miss the job one bit!!!
Here are some of the highlights from the previous week:
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
First Day of School
Hey fellow bloggers do you ever get a desperate sensation when you have a lot of things you want to blog about but no time? I feel so relieved right now as I write this entry because for days I've needed to get these three entries off my back. I felt like I couldn't do anything else anymore until I finally wrote these.
Anyway, so today is my first day of classes. This is what my schedule looks like:
Monday: Organic Chemistry 1:10 - 2:25
Tuesday: Biology 5:40 - 6:55
Wednesday: Organic Chemistry 1:10 - 2:25
Thursday: Biology Lab 1:00 - 5:00, Biology 5:40 - 6:55
There is a morning section of the Biology lecture. As a postbacc student I am not allowed to register for it (they want us all to test together) but I can attend those lectures instead of the evening ones. I might start doing that especially on Thursdays. Because today is my first day I will attend the evening section.
So as you see I am not in class for a terribly long amount of time every week (about 10 hours). However I estimate needing to study somewhere between 30 and 40 hours on top of that. This is based on my prior experience with the other courses as well as that of students who have completed the "orgo/bio" year. I have to become a lean, mean studying machine so that I still have time for my oboe! The nice thing is that I am forced to come into the City early in the morning with JC in order to avoid duplicate commuting costs. The only thing I will be able to do the entire day is head to the library and study. Of course I'm sure other things will pop up every now and then, but if I can manage to put in a good 6 hours or so every day that I am on campus I will not have to do much at home. Maybe I should keep track of where I am spending my time. That might be kind of interesting.
I was excited last night but was able to get a good night's sleep. Unlike how I was when I had to get up for work, this morning I woke up before the alarm (even though it was set an hour earlier than usual). I woke up and felt happy about the day ahead. What an interesting feeling! As we drove towards 95 South I looked back and saw the backed up traffic heading North towards Connecticut (my old commute). I can't express just how happy I was to not have to go in that direction! I am sooooooo happy to be out of Cubicle Land!
We got into Manhattan in 45 minutes which wasn't horrible. It's only a little longer than my CT commute. After that I took the subway down to pick up some cupcakes at Billy's Bakery. I heard about that place on some tabloid magazine. Apparently every time that Katie Holmes in town she has to pick up several dozen of those cupcakes. Because only a few of JC's co-workers were able to make his party I wanted to bring some of the celebration to his job. I hadn't walked around Chelsea much (other than hanging out on 23rd street). It's really a nice place (I guess it's sort of like Gramercy Park). It was so nice to see every one walking around. People of all ages, races, sizes, etc. I felt like I had finally come home. I was no longer out of place in suburban CT. I am back where I belong! I hadn't realized until recently that where you are has a big impact on how you feel. Even if my job had actually been interesting I don't think I could have ever been truly happy there because I simply didn't like where it was located. Perhaps I will be satiated of NYC by the time I'm completely done with school. If I am then, fine, I'll set up shop somewhere near our house. If not, then I will find a way to work here in the City despite the saturated market.
So where was I? I picked up two dozen cupcakes and then took the train back up to Harlem. I've hung out here at my husband's job all day which means I've already started procrastinating. I was supposed to go to school early to read some. There's still time!
It was so nice to eat rice and beans and pollo guisado (chicken stew) for lunch.
I had enough vacation pay to cover 6 days so it is fitting that today is my first true unemployed day. As I head to campus I can definitely say that the first day of the rest of my life has been very good.
Anyway, so today is my first day of classes. This is what my schedule looks like:
Monday: Organic Chemistry 1:10 - 2:25
Tuesday: Biology 5:40 - 6:55
Wednesday: Organic Chemistry 1:10 - 2:25
Thursday: Biology Lab 1:00 - 5:00, Biology 5:40 - 6:55
There is a morning section of the Biology lecture. As a postbacc student I am not allowed to register for it (they want us all to test together) but I can attend those lectures instead of the evening ones. I might start doing that especially on Thursdays. Because today is my first day I will attend the evening section.
So as you see I am not in class for a terribly long amount of time every week (about 10 hours). However I estimate needing to study somewhere between 30 and 40 hours on top of that. This is based on my prior experience with the other courses as well as that of students who have completed the "orgo/bio" year. I have to become a lean, mean studying machine so that I still have time for my oboe! The nice thing is that I am forced to come into the City early in the morning with JC in order to avoid duplicate commuting costs. The only thing I will be able to do the entire day is head to the library and study. Of course I'm sure other things will pop up every now and then, but if I can manage to put in a good 6 hours or so every day that I am on campus I will not have to do much at home. Maybe I should keep track of where I am spending my time. That might be kind of interesting.
I was excited last night but was able to get a good night's sleep. Unlike how I was when I had to get up for work, this morning I woke up before the alarm (even though it was set an hour earlier than usual). I woke up and felt happy about the day ahead. What an interesting feeling! As we drove towards 95 South I looked back and saw the backed up traffic heading North towards Connecticut (my old commute). I can't express just how happy I was to not have to go in that direction! I am sooooooo happy to be out of Cubicle Land!
We got into Manhattan in 45 minutes which wasn't horrible. It's only a little longer than my CT commute. After that I took the subway down to pick up some cupcakes at Billy's Bakery. I heard about that place on some tabloid magazine. Apparently every time that Katie Holmes in town she has to pick up several dozen of those cupcakes. Because only a few of JC's co-workers were able to make his party I wanted to bring some of the celebration to his job. I hadn't walked around Chelsea much (other than hanging out on 23rd street). It's really a nice place (I guess it's sort of like Gramercy Park). It was so nice to see every one walking around. People of all ages, races, sizes, etc. I felt like I had finally come home. I was no longer out of place in suburban CT. I am back where I belong! I hadn't realized until recently that where you are has a big impact on how you feel. Even if my job had actually been interesting I don't think I could have ever been truly happy there because I simply didn't like where it was located. Perhaps I will be satiated of NYC by the time I'm completely done with school. If I am then, fine, I'll set up shop somewhere near our house. If not, then I will find a way to work here in the City despite the saturated market.
So where was I? I picked up two dozen cupcakes and then took the train back up to Harlem. I've hung out here at my husband's job all day which means I've already started procrastinating. I was supposed to go to school early to read some. There's still time!
It was so nice to eat rice and beans and pollo guisado (chicken stew) for lunch.
I had enough vacation pay to cover 6 days so it is fitting that today is my first true unemployed day. As I head to campus I can definitely say that the first day of the rest of my life has been very good.
Surprise!!
One of the reasons I had been unable to post was that I was busy planning a surprise party for my husband's 30th birthday! The party was scheduled for September 4th though his birthday wasn't until the 5th. So I had my last day of work on August 26th and the trip to Six Flags on the 29th. Then there was the oboe lesson on the 31st. From that point on all I was thinking about and working on was the party. I had done NOTHING yet except invite the guests. Between Thursday and Saturday JC's sister, Mabel, and I had to do a lot of sneaking around. There were many phone calls to make and much shopping to do. Then we also had to worry about where to hide the stuff. And about not spilling the beans. Every time I was about to let slip I broke into song instead. His sister had a fun time watching that all.
I am happy to say that we WERE able to surprise him! The party turned out even better than I had imagined. Everyone said it was a hit. We had a lot of people but the house didn't feel as stuffy as I had feared. My friend's friend brought a Karaoke machine and the guests had a great time with it. We didn't run out of food nor drink. In fact we had enough booze left over to throw another party! I'm so thankful that things went well because JC had never had a real birthday party; I wanted it to be extra special. He especially loved the Spiderman theme!
Here are some pictures of the festivities:
The birthday boy:
Guests (we had over 30 at one point!):
Our lovely duet (it looks like I'm trying too hard!):
From left to right: My accomplice Mabel (who did a great job with the decorations), Dad, Mom, JC, My brother Jesse (whose birthday is the day after JC's), me.
Sexy Spiderman cake (made by my Mom):
Happy Birthday to my beloved husband and my wonderful brother!
I am happy to say that we WERE able to surprise him! The party turned out even better than I had imagined. Everyone said it was a hit. We had a lot of people but the house didn't feel as stuffy as I had feared. My friend's friend brought a Karaoke machine and the guests had a great time with it. We didn't run out of food nor drink. In fact we had enough booze left over to throw another party! I'm so thankful that things went well because JC had never had a real birthday party; I wanted it to be extra special. He especially loved the Spiderman theme!
Here are some pictures of the festivities:
The birthday boy:
Guests (we had over 30 at one point!):
Our lovely duet (it looks like I'm trying too hard!):
From left to right: My accomplice Mabel (who did a great job with the decorations), Dad, Mom, JC, My brother Jesse (whose birthday is the day after JC's), me.
Sexy Spiderman cake (made by my Mom):
Happy Birthday to my beloved husband and my wonderful brother!
My lesson last week
I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to sit down and type something up about my latest lesson. I like to write about them because it's cool to have a record of my progress. Also I try to include some of the insights from the lesson in case I forget them later on.
So we met last Wednesday after nearly a month's break. The first item on the agenda was reeds. My teacher fine tuned two "finished" reeds that I had brought in. I am getting closer at actually finishing them myself but I feel like it will take months, if not years, to hone that skill. Good thing that she helps me out with that. She then made a new reed out of a blank that I had taken in. Sweet.
While the reed making was going on I worked on scales for her. It became apparent that I had acquired a new bad habit: biting! UGH! The nemesis! That came to the surface before I even had a chance to ask her why I'd been playing sharp. I really should have known. I was sort of feeling it but I wasn't sure how to fix it. This all lead into an embouchure discussion. While I have definitely made progress in terms of the corners of my mouth, I still have a ways to go with my "chops". We also discussed the last piece of the embouchure puzzle: the flat chin. I was finally able to feel the muscle that I needed to feel in order to facilitate this. And less we feel tempted to blame my intonation issue on the reed, as soon as I did what she said I was right in tune. Hilda 0, Reed 1.
After that I was a bit frazzled because it was embarrassing to be out of tune in front of my teacher. As I continued with some scales and other technical exercises I was stopping every time I heard myself out of tune. This led to some tough love. My teacher told me I am beyond the point where acknowledging a mistake is an accomplishment, that I must move to the next level which is correcting mistakes in real time. *gulp* I liked when she told me this because it was both an admonishment and a compliment. I realized that I was practicing like that at home too. All stop and go and never playing anything through. No wonder my endurance has taken a nose dive. She said that I need to both: working on trouble areas a few notes at a time AND playing things through. This was good advice because I was starting to feel a bit lost in my practicing. The rest of the lesson I was told things like "stay on the horse", "stay on the pony", "stay behind the wheel", etc. It was pretty funny, but effective too. Instead of rushing to play without being ready I waited a little longer to go in but made sure I kept playing. It felt uncomfortable for me because I still have a lot of intrusive talking going on in my head. This is something I will have to work a lot on.
I asked how my sound was and she kind of laughed at me and said that I knew I sounded better now. I didn't really KNOW know. I kind of felt like it's better because the sounds I am producing are giving me the good feelings that I normally get when I hear oboe playing. But I did want some affirmation from an authority on sound hehe. I was most excited about my sound improving.
Lastly, I was given some real music to play! Several of the pieces are by Gordon Jacob. I hadn't heard of this composer before but I like all of my pieces so far. The writing does remind me of his compatriot Vaughan Williams whom I also like. The best part is that the music isn't too hard for me yet still sounds like nice, real music! In fact I would say that it is just right in terms of the technical and it will allow me to work on expression for the first time. Now that I am playing a bit more dependably I can finally begin to think about that which makes the oboe so special. This should be fun!
So we met last Wednesday after nearly a month's break. The first item on the agenda was reeds. My teacher fine tuned two "finished" reeds that I had brought in. I am getting closer at actually finishing them myself but I feel like it will take months, if not years, to hone that skill. Good thing that she helps me out with that. She then made a new reed out of a blank that I had taken in. Sweet.
While the reed making was going on I worked on scales for her. It became apparent that I had acquired a new bad habit: biting! UGH! The nemesis! That came to the surface before I even had a chance to ask her why I'd been playing sharp. I really should have known. I was sort of feeling it but I wasn't sure how to fix it. This all lead into an embouchure discussion. While I have definitely made progress in terms of the corners of my mouth, I still have a ways to go with my "chops". We also discussed the last piece of the embouchure puzzle: the flat chin. I was finally able to feel the muscle that I needed to feel in order to facilitate this. And less we feel tempted to blame my intonation issue on the reed, as soon as I did what she said I was right in tune. Hilda 0, Reed 1.
After that I was a bit frazzled because it was embarrassing to be out of tune in front of my teacher. As I continued with some scales and other technical exercises I was stopping every time I heard myself out of tune. This led to some tough love. My teacher told me I am beyond the point where acknowledging a mistake is an accomplishment, that I must move to the next level which is correcting mistakes in real time. *gulp* I liked when she told me this because it was both an admonishment and a compliment. I realized that I was practicing like that at home too. All stop and go and never playing anything through. No wonder my endurance has taken a nose dive. She said that I need to both: working on trouble areas a few notes at a time AND playing things through. This was good advice because I was starting to feel a bit lost in my practicing. The rest of the lesson I was told things like "stay on the horse", "stay on the pony", "stay behind the wheel", etc. It was pretty funny, but effective too. Instead of rushing to play without being ready I waited a little longer to go in but made sure I kept playing. It felt uncomfortable for me because I still have a lot of intrusive talking going on in my head. This is something I will have to work a lot on.
I asked how my sound was and she kind of laughed at me and said that I knew I sounded better now. I didn't really KNOW know. I kind of felt like it's better because the sounds I am producing are giving me the good feelings that I normally get when I hear oboe playing. But I did want some affirmation from an authority on sound hehe. I was most excited about my sound improving.
Lastly, I was given some real music to play! Several of the pieces are by Gordon Jacob. I hadn't heard of this composer before but I like all of my pieces so far. The writing does remind me of his compatriot Vaughan Williams whom I also like. The best part is that the music isn't too hard for me yet still sounds like nice, real music! In fact I would say that it is just right in terms of the technical and it will allow me to work on expression for the first time. Now that I am playing a bit more dependably I can finally begin to think about that which makes the oboe so special. This should be fun!
Friday, September 02, 2005
1988
Because I'm still emotionally exhausted I'll just participate in this little meme instead. I need to write up about my recent lesson one of these days.
Got this idea from Terminal Degree's blog. I'm doing it for 1988 which was the year I graduated from Incarnation (where I did 1st-8th grades). High School was quite uneventful and somewhere in the middle of it I stopped listening to pop music anyway. Sorry 1992.
Go to musicoutfitters, enter year of high school graduation for song list, bold songs you like(d), underline favorite, strike out the ones you hate, & use italics for songs you don't remember.
Well the problem is that I can't figure out how to strike out or underline. So I will bold the ones I liked a lot, italicize the ones I couldn't stand, and put asterisks on my very favorites. There are not that many that I don't remember at all anyway. Edit: Thanks Patty for the tips! I've kept the asterisks for my favorites though. I'm having a ton of fun listening to these again!
1. Faith, George Michael
2. Need You Tonight, INXS
3. Got My Mind Set On You, George Harrison
4. Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley
5. Sweet Child O' Mine, Guns N' Roses
6. So Emotional, Whitney Houston
7. Heaven Is A Place On Earth, Belinda Carlisle
8. Could've Been, Tiffany
9. Hands To Heaven, Breathe
10. Roll With It, Steve Winwood
11. One More Try, George Michael *
12. Wishing Well, Terence Trent d'Arby
13. Anything For You, Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine
14. The Flame, Cheap Trick
15. Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car, Billy Ocean
16. Seasons Change, Expose
17. Is This Love, Whitesnake
18. Wild, Wild West, Escape Club
19. Pour Some Sugar On Me, Def Leppard
20. I'll Always Love You, Taylor Dayne
21. Man In The Mirror, Michael Jackson
22. Shake Your Love, Debbie Gibson *
23. Simply Irresistible, Robert Palmer
24. Hold On To The Nights, Richard Marx "I wish that I could give you moooore . . ." What ever happened to Richard Marx? Nice voice on that one.
25. Hungry Eyes, Eric Carnen
26. Shattered Dreams, Johnny Hates Jazz
27. Father Figure, George Michael
28. Naughty Girls (Need Love Too), Samantha Fox
29. A Groovy Kind Of Love, Phil Collins (I found this song boring)
30. Love Bites, Def Leppard
31. Endless Summer Nights, Richard Marx
32. Foolish Beat, Debbie Gibson *
33. Where Do Broken Hearts Go, Whitney Houston
34. Angel, Aerosmith
35. Hazy Shade Of Winter, Bangles * (I just found out that the Simon and Garfunkel original has an oboe in it!)
36. The Way You Make Me Feel, Michael Jackson
37. Don't Worry, Be Happy, Bobby McFerrin (hated it then, but like it now)
38. Make Me Lose Control, Eric Carnen
39. Red Red Wine, UB40
40. She's Like The Wind, Patric Swayze
41. Bad Medicine, Bon Jovi
42. Kokomo, Beach Boys
43. I Don't Wanna Go On With You Like That, Elton John
44. Together Forever, Rick Astley
45. Monkey, George Michael
46. Devil Inside, INXS
47. Should've Known Better, Richard Marx
48. I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love, Chicago
49. The Loco-Motion, Kylie Minogue
50. What Have I Done To Deserve This?, Pet Shop Boys and Dusty Springfield
51. Make It Real, Jets (Ok I really liked the Jets but back in 1986)
52. What's On Your Mind, Information Society
53. Tell It To My Heart, Taylor Dayne
54. Out Of The Blue, Debbie Gibson
55. Don't You Want Me, Jody Watley
56. Desire, U2
57. I Get Weak, Belinda Carlisle
58. Sign Your Name, Terence Trent d'Arby *
59. I Want To Be Your Man, Roger
60. Girlfriend, Pebbles
61. Dirty Diana, Michael Jackson
62. 1-2-3, Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine
63. Mercedes Boy, Pebbles
64. Perfect World, Huey Lewis and the News
65. New Sensation, INXS
66. Catch Me (I'm Falling), Pretty Poison
67. If It Isn't Love, New Edition
68. Rocket 2 U, Jets
69. One Good Woman, Peter Cetera
70. Don't Be Cruel, Cheap Trick
71. Candle In The Wind, Elton John
72. Everything Your Heart Desires, Daryl Hall and John Oates (But M-E-T-H-O-D-O-F-L-O-V-E is still my favorite.)
73. Say You Will , Foreigner
74. I Want Her, Keith Sweat
75. Pink Cadillac, Natalie Cole
76. Fast Car, Tracy Chapman (also hated then, but ok now)
77. Electric Blue, Icehouse
78. The Valley Road, Bruce Hornsby and The Range
79. Don't Be Cruel, Bobby Brown
80. Always On My Mind, Pet Shop Boys
81. Piano In The Dark, Brenda Russell Featuring Joe Esposito (Did not appreciate this one back then)
82. When It's Love, Van Halen
83. Don't Shed A Tear, Paul Carrack
84. We'll Be Together, Sting
85. I Hate Myself For Loving You, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
86. I Don't Want To Live Without You, Foreigner
87. Nite And Day, Al B. Sure
88. Don't You Know What The Night Can Do, Steve Winwood
89. One Moment In Time, Whitney Houston
90. Can't Stay Away From You, Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine
91. Kissing A Fool, George Michael
92. Cherry Bomb, John Cougar Mellancamp
93. I Still Believe, Brenda K. Starr
94. I Found Someone, Cher
95. Never Tear Us Apart, INXS
96. Valerie, Steve Windwood
97. Just Like Paradise, David Lee Roth
98. Nothin' But A Good Time, Poison
99. Wait, White Lion
100. Prove Your Love, Taylor Dayne (ok I hated Taylor Dayne!)
Got this idea from Terminal Degree's blog. I'm doing it for 1988 which was the year I graduated from Incarnation (where I did 1st-8th grades). High School was quite uneventful and somewhere in the middle of it I stopped listening to pop music anyway. Sorry 1992.
Go to musicoutfitters, enter year of high school graduation for song list, bold songs you like(d), underline favorite, strike out the ones you hate, & use italics for songs you don't remember.
1. Faith, George Michael
2. Need You Tonight, INXS
3. Got My Mind Set On You, George Harrison
4. Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley
5. Sweet Child O' Mine, Guns N' Roses
6. So Emotional, Whitney Houston
7. Heaven Is A Place On Earth, Belinda Carlisle
8. Could've Been, Tiffany
9. Hands To Heaven, Breathe
10. Roll With It, Steve Winwood
11. One More Try, George Michael *
12. Wishing Well, Terence Trent d'Arby
13. Anything For You, Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine
14. The Flame, Cheap Trick
15. Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car, Billy Ocean
16. Seasons Change, Expose
17. Is This Love, Whitesnake
18. Wild, Wild West, Escape Club
19. Pour Some Sugar On Me, Def Leppard
21. Man In The Mirror, Michael Jackson
22. Shake Your Love, Debbie Gibson *
24. Hold On To The Nights, Richard Marx "I wish that I could give you moooore . . ." What ever happened to Richard Marx? Nice voice on that one.
25. Hungry Eyes, Eric Carnen
26. Shattered Dreams, Johnny Hates Jazz
27. Father Figure, George Michael
28. Naughty Girls (Need Love Too), Samantha Fox
30. Love Bites, Def Leppard
31. Endless Summer Nights, Richard Marx
32. Foolish Beat, Debbie Gibson *
33. Where Do Broken Hearts Go, Whitney Houston
34. Angel, Aerosmith
35. Hazy Shade Of Winter, Bangles * (I just found out that the Simon and Garfunkel original has an oboe in it!)
36. The Way You Make Me Feel, Michael Jackson
38. Make Me Lose Control, Eric Carnen
39. Red Red Wine, UB40
40. She's Like The Wind, Patric Swayze
41. Bad Medicine, Bon Jovi
42. Kokomo, Beach Boys
43. I Don't Wanna Go On With You Like That, Elton John
44. Together Forever, Rick Astley
45. Monkey, George Michael
46. Devil Inside, INXS
47. Should've Known Better, Richard Marx
48. I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love, Chicago
49. The Loco-Motion, Kylie Minogue
50. What Have I Done To Deserve This?, Pet Shop Boys and Dusty Springfield
51. Make It Real, Jets (Ok I really liked the Jets but back in 1986)
52. What's On Your Mind, Information Society
54. Out Of The Blue, Debbie Gibson
55. Don't You Want Me, Jody Watley
56. Desire, U2
57. I Get Weak, Belinda Carlisle
58. Sign Your Name, Terence Trent d'Arby *
59. I Want To Be Your Man, Roger
60. Girlfriend, Pebbles
61. Dirty Diana, Michael Jackson
62. 1-2-3, Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine
64. Perfect World, Huey Lewis and the News
65. New Sensation, INXS
67. If It Isn't Love, New Edition
68. Rocket 2 U, Jets
69. One Good Woman, Peter Cetera
70. Don't Be Cruel, Cheap Trick
71. Candle In The Wind, Elton John
72. Everything Your Heart Desires, Daryl Hall and John Oates (But M-E-T-H-O-D-O-F-L-O-V-E is still my favorite.)
73. Say You Will , Foreigner
74. I Want Her, Keith Sweat
75. Pink Cadillac, Natalie Cole
77. Electric Blue, Icehouse
78. The Valley Road, Bruce Hornsby and The Range
79. Don't Be Cruel, Bobby Brown
80. Always On My Mind, Pet Shop Boys
82. When It's Love, Van Halen
83. Don't Shed A Tear, Paul Carrack
84. We'll Be Together, Sting
85. I Hate Myself For Loving You, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
86. I Don't Want To Live Without You, Foreigner
87. Nite And Day, Al B. Sure
88. Don't You Know What The Night Can Do, Steve Winwood
89. One Moment In Time, Whitney Houston
90. Can't Stay Away From You, Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine
91. Kissing A Fool, George Michael
92. Cherry Bomb, John Cougar Mellancamp
95. Never Tear Us Apart, INXS
96. Valerie, Steve Windwood
97. Just Like Paradise, David Lee Roth
98. Nothin' But A Good Time, Poison
99. Wait, White Lion
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