So far all three teachers that I've interacted with have insisted that making reeds is an essential part of becoming an oboist. I never thought to question this until recently when I found myself giving up precious practice time for scraping. As I sat there struggling with my never-quite-sharp-enough knives, I started to wonder whether this was really so pertinent to my musical development. I should also mention that one of my readers planted the seed in me when she revealed that she buys her reeds yet is still a successful oboist.
All this has become more pertinent as I have been contemplating medical school more seriously lately. I am determined to make this work and to continue my oboe studies, but I am well aware that there are only so many hours in a day. While I do think it's possible to find time to play, time to make reeds is only going to become scarser and scarser. This threw me into a panic because I feared it would mean the end of my oboist dreams. But now I have hope that even if I never become a master reed maker I could nevertheless become a good oboist.
So two weeks ago I tried talking to my teacher about this. It's not that I want to give up on reeds entirely, I just feel that I need to go on hiatus until I'm done with the MCAT (so that I don't have to sacrifice playing time to scrape again). Unfortunately, she didn't entirely agree with my plan. She feels that I need to learn how to make reeds first and then at that point I can decide whether or not I will pursue it ongoing or move on to ready-made reeds. I see her point but I am just feeling quite stressed right now and I don't think that this is conducive to reed making anyway.
Patty suggested that next time I tell her instead of ask her about the hiatus. I think I will try that once I get back from my vacation. Since I decided against taking my oboe on the cruise it's going to take me a while to get back into shape and in a way it will be like a new beginning.
By the way, I'm going on the Norweigan Spirit cruise leaving from NYC this Saturday. I'll be back in April and will hopefully chronicle my adventures in getting back into shape :-p I'm trying to convince my husband to buy me that thing where you can dictate and the computer types things out for you. This may help solve my blog blues.
Have a wonderful rest of the month! *hugs*
Monday, March 19, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
2 good lessons
Still here in oboe student land . . . and I think I've finally turned another corner. I realize now, in hindsight, that I've been frustrated over that lesson I had late December. You know, the one that turned into a psychotherapy session about why I've been holding on to the wrong embouchure and why I feel a need to do it that way. I'm just an old ex-saxophonist with bad habits is all I think it is. As a result I've been beating myself up and punishing myself by not focusing on my Marcello.
I've gone back and forth about whether it's best to put off all music until I perfect the embouchure or whether one is better served by learning through the music. I think the latter is best as long as you have someone who is guiding you well. You don't want to be at one end of the spectrum where you're doing only music, and reach pieces at that. But the other end of the spectrum where you do only long tones most of the time isn't that much better because most students will end up getting frustrated and discouraged way before they reap the rewards of that. As with most things there exists a happy medium. I've already tried cutting back to mostly long tones several times but the moment I start playing many notes, the corners tend to creep back up. This tells me that in order to really master this I am going to have to figure out a way to do this while playing. I believe the answer is probably through playing the music at a slow enough tempo where I still have control.
While at church yesterday it dawned on me that one of the difficult things about being an adult student is concentration. I remembered a time where I would sit at church and concentrate completely on the service and on prayer. It was that peaceful feeling that drew me to church in the first place. Yesterday instead of being fully alert I had an inner dialogue going on about pure BS. It's as though you can't stop for a single second. If I were to somehow channel the past and concentrate like before, I would probably get a LOT more out of my practice sessions.
In spite of all this, my past two lessons with T have been quite productive. I am doing a lot less of the nervous talking and more playing. The main thing that I need to work on is breathing and how I am using my air. I am sounding very mechanical and boring on the 3rd mvt of the Marcello because I am stopping the air flow between each of the staccato notes. I am having a difficult time combining all the aspects of playing in a seamless way. If I focus on articulation, I forget to breathe well. If I focus on air, I tend to start biting. If I focus on dynamics, my fingering gets messy.
I am coming to peace with all these challenges. The oboe is not supposed to be easy anyway. I think (HOPE) that all of these things are normal hurdles. And that as long as I keep at it, I will slowly make progress.
I've gone back and forth about whether it's best to put off all music until I perfect the embouchure or whether one is better served by learning through the music. I think the latter is best as long as you have someone who is guiding you well. You don't want to be at one end of the spectrum where you're doing only music, and reach pieces at that. But the other end of the spectrum where you do only long tones most of the time isn't that much better because most students will end up getting frustrated and discouraged way before they reap the rewards of that. As with most things there exists a happy medium. I've already tried cutting back to mostly long tones several times but the moment I start playing many notes, the corners tend to creep back up. This tells me that in order to really master this I am going to have to figure out a way to do this while playing. I believe the answer is probably through playing the music at a slow enough tempo where I still have control.
While at church yesterday it dawned on me that one of the difficult things about being an adult student is concentration. I remembered a time where I would sit at church and concentrate completely on the service and on prayer. It was that peaceful feeling that drew me to church in the first place. Yesterday instead of being fully alert I had an inner dialogue going on about pure BS. It's as though you can't stop for a single second. If I were to somehow channel the past and concentrate like before, I would probably get a LOT more out of my practice sessions.
In spite of all this, my past two lessons with T have been quite productive. I am doing a lot less of the nervous talking and more playing. The main thing that I need to work on is breathing and how I am using my air. I am sounding very mechanical and boring on the 3rd mvt of the Marcello because I am stopping the air flow between each of the staccato notes. I am having a difficult time combining all the aspects of playing in a seamless way. If I focus on articulation, I forget to breathe well. If I focus on air, I tend to start biting. If I focus on dynamics, my fingering gets messy.
I am coming to peace with all these challenges. The oboe is not supposed to be easy anyway. I think (HOPE) that all of these things are normal hurdles. And that as long as I keep at it, I will slowly make progress.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Need to find my path again
Hi everyone! I hope that the new year is treating you well.
Though I haven't been writing as much as I'd like I do think about my blog on nearly a daily basis. I spend time thinking of posts that I would like to post, but never seem to get around to actually typing them. *sigh*
I'm afraid that things have been going slowly for me and Luna the past month. That's part of why I've been reluctant to post. I wish I could be saying that I can play the Schumann Romances now, but alas, I am still working on my Marcello. None of it is really ready yet, but I have recently started working on the third movement at half speed. By the way, what is the average amount of time that people spend on any given piece?
This past month has been my absolute worse in terms of practicing. I have been struggling majorly to practice every day. I never had this problem before. Yeah, I did procrastinate but I'd eventually get it done. Now I am taking off way more days than I'd like to. I fear that other things are distracting me from my oboe studies. Hopefully I can get back on track soon. I've had two decent practices in a row last night and tonight. If I can manage to do a few more consecutively then perhaps I can fall back into my previous rhythm.
I think that part of my problem is that I am still unhappy about my embouchure and sound production. Try as I may I can be consistent about it. My corners tend to creep up when I'm tired or too concentrated on difficult music. A part of me doesn't want to allow me to play anything fun until I GET the embouchure. Another part of me feels this is unreasonable and feels that I should continue to play music and have faith that eventually all the pieces will start to fall together. Isn't that how kids learn anyway? No child would play an instrument if they were only allowed to do long tones and slow scales for YEARS until the embouchure was perfected. Am I right or wrong about this?
I guess it's just frustrating because I am pretty sure that my sound has taking a few steps back while other aspects of my playing improved somewhat. It's tough to take a hit in the sound department since that is the whole reason I am playing this instrument. I am trying to re-commit myself to my practice because only through that will my sound get back on track. And once that happens I can give all of myself to practicing my music. Right now my Marcello feels like a guilty pleasure and I think I am holding back and purposely not studying as well as I could/should.
Any thoughts?
Though I haven't been writing as much as I'd like I do think about my blog on nearly a daily basis. I spend time thinking of posts that I would like to post, but never seem to get around to actually typing them. *sigh*
I'm afraid that things have been going slowly for me and Luna the past month. That's part of why I've been reluctant to post. I wish I could be saying that I can play the Schumann Romances now, but alas, I am still working on my Marcello. None of it is really ready yet, but I have recently started working on the third movement at half speed. By the way, what is the average amount of time that people spend on any given piece?
This past month has been my absolute worse in terms of practicing. I have been struggling majorly to practice every day. I never had this problem before. Yeah, I did procrastinate but I'd eventually get it done. Now I am taking off way more days than I'd like to. I fear that other things are distracting me from my oboe studies. Hopefully I can get back on track soon. I've had two decent practices in a row last night and tonight. If I can manage to do a few more consecutively then perhaps I can fall back into my previous rhythm.
I think that part of my problem is that I am still unhappy about my embouchure and sound production. Try as I may I can be consistent about it. My corners tend to creep up when I'm tired or too concentrated on difficult music. A part of me doesn't want to allow me to play anything fun until I GET the embouchure. Another part of me feels this is unreasonable and feels that I should continue to play music and have faith that eventually all the pieces will start to fall together. Isn't that how kids learn anyway? No child would play an instrument if they were only allowed to do long tones and slow scales for YEARS until the embouchure was perfected. Am I right or wrong about this?
I guess it's just frustrating because I am pretty sure that my sound has taking a few steps back while other aspects of my playing improved somewhat. It's tough to take a hit in the sound department since that is the whole reason I am playing this instrument. I am trying to re-commit myself to my practice because only through that will my sound get back on track. And once that happens I can give all of myself to practicing my music. Right now my Marcello feels like a guilty pleasure and I think I am holding back and purposely not studying as well as I could/should.
Any thoughts?
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Still here
I got my yearly cold very early this year. It started on January 2nd and lasted 8 days. Today is the first day that I feel totally well again. Needless to say I didn't practice every day last week and am now trying to get back into shape. *sigh* My teacher was very nice about my having to cancel last week's lesson. She said I shouldn't feel down because of not being able to practice while sick. She said that even professionals have periods like that and all you do is just work yourself back up to it. No one is always "on". Everyone goes through rough spots. Well, she didn't say it in those words, but however she said it it calmed me down. It's so hard to stay patient. Losing all those days and falling behind hurts when you want to be playing so much better than you do. But she's right, all I can do is start moving forward again. Even if I did take a few steps back.
By the way, those high fingerings are making me feel like a complete newb! Could they have made them any harder???? Maybe we should play with our toes too. Sheesh.
It's a psychological struggle every day with these notes. I've never felt clumsier in my entire life! Part of me feels like I will NEVER be able to play these notes. It's especially hard to press two keys at once (see high E) with my twisted pinkies. I should take a picture of them for you. I was born with VERY twisted pinkies. This is not a huge problem on my right hand but it's very taxing on the left, given all the keys that that pinky is supposed to control. Maybe I should get them operated. Oh well, more on that later. I'm going to go play WoW now.
By the way, those high fingerings are making me feel like a complete newb! Could they have made them any harder???? Maybe we should play with our toes too. Sheesh.
It's a psychological struggle every day with these notes. I've never felt clumsier in my entire life! Part of me feels like I will NEVER be able to play these notes. It's especially hard to press two keys at once (see high E) with my twisted pinkies. I should take a picture of them for you. I was born with VERY twisted pinkies. This is not a huge problem on my right hand but it's very taxing on the left, given all the keys that that pinky is supposed to control. Maybe I should get them operated. Oh well, more on that later. I'm going to go play WoW now.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
2007 Meme
Happy New Year to everyone! May your lives be full of blessings this year and always.
New Year's Meme
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Assisted on a surgery.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept most of them, sort of. Let's just say that most of my resolutions are "in progress". I am hopeful that things will move along further this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, my friend Alcira had a baby girl
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. I haven't been away anywhere since 2004.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
More discipline to do what needs to get done, primarily practice, study, work out, and keep the house clean.
7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Yikes, the only one standing out right now is August 25th. That's when my mother-in-law went back to DR and when my kittens were born. Oh we also went to Shea Stadium for the first time that night and had a ton of fun.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing the post-bacc premed program at Columbia with a pretty decent average.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not making it into the Wind Ensemble.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was sick for the entire month of March with some VERY nasty conjunctivitis, the flu, sore throat, and stomach problems.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
TiVO!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband. He's really stepped up to the plate to help me with things around the house and with bills/paperwork.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My Dad for being reckless like always. Mom for not sticking up for herself. My brother for making himself a victim and not working on improving his life. Though I must mention that he did also have a major achievement in 2006, one that will allow him to get his Associates this June.
14. Where did most of your money go?
The mortgage.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My new oboe teacher, participating in the pit orchestra for that musical, booking our upcoming vacation, TiVo, and my new iPod.
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
"Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) a tiny bit sadder because I miss some people who are gone or are soon to be gone
b) 2 lbs lighter. I reached 10% of my goal. LOL!
c) technically richer because I'm working again but my salary sucks
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercise. Practice. Read. Pray.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Cook and clean. Gotten angry. Procrastinated.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
In 2007? Who knows? Maybe I'll be more into it this year.
21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Yes, with my new kittens. I'm already in love with my husband JC and my oboe.
22. How many one-night stands?
None. Ever. I feel so deprived.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I try not to have hate in my heart. That being said, several people annoyed the heck out of me last year and will likely continue to do so into 2007.
25. What was the best book you read?
Yikes. I am embarrassed to admit what I read this year.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Quartetto Gelato (thanks Patty!)
27. What did you want and get?
An iPod (sorry, Terminal)
28. What did you want and not get?
An English Horn. *sniff sniff*
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
X-Men, the Last Stand
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My birthday was the most low-key ever. I turned 32.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting into a musical group.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Tried to look a bit more well put together. Less t-shirts and more tailored blouses.
33. What kept you sane?
My oboe.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Eric Bana is still my man. Though Hugh Jackman and Patrick Dempsey did it for me too this year.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Don't really want to go there.
36. Who did you miss?
My mommy who's now living in another country.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
Dr. Singh and Yobany at work.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
It's not about waiting to figure out what the "best" decision could be. It's about taking control of your live and just living it.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"And I think to myself . . . what a wonderful world . . ."
In 2007:
1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Only if I decide not to pursue medical school.
2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
Nope.
3. New house?
No, we just refinanced.
4. What will you do different in 07?
Exercise, practice, and study more. I will need to keep better tabs on my time.
5. New Years resolution?
See #4.
6. What will you not be doing in 07?
The baby thing is still up in the air and looks unlikely right now. But things can change.
7. Any trips planned?
Hell yeah!! Another Caribbean cruise. This one will be Eastern Caribbean and we'll be leaving from NYC. I also hope to make the IDRS conference. There is a possible trip to PA to meet some online gaming friends, another possible trip to NC to meet a church friend who relocated, and perhaps a trip to GA for my sister-in-law's Airborne training graduation. Oh, and I might have to pick up my Mom in DR. And there's always that San Fran trip I keep meaning to take.
8. Wedding plans?
My good friend Luisa is getting married in October.
9. Major thing on your calendar?
The MCAT on May 25th!
10. What can't you wait for?
Getting closer to my ideal weight
Playing oboe in a group on a regular basis
Finally deciding either to apply to med school or to definitely give it up
11. What would you like to see happen differently?
For me to get less involved in other peoples' problems
12. What about yourself will you be changing?
See #11. I hope to become more disciplined. It's the only way I will come close to having it all.
13. What happened in 06 that you didn't think would ever happen?
My brother passed the CPE! (I really hope he doesn't read this blog anymore.)
14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
If possible, yes.
15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 06?
If I lose this weight I will. My husband has been warned already!
16. Will you start or quit drinking?
Drinking is not an important part of my life. I drink a glass of wine a month on average.
17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
Actually, I mean to distance myself a bit from the parents. We need to stop trying to solve all of their problems. It would be nice if we could but it's too much pressure and a bit unfair to us. We'll love them just the same though. In terms of the other relatives I just hope I have more time to spend with them.
18. Will you do charity work?
Hopefully.
19. Will you go to bars?
Perhaps for our rock music gigs. Or for a friend's birthday.
20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
I always am (even though I'm a New Yorker)
21. Do you expect 07 to be a good year for you?
I'm very hopeful; I feel that things are moving in the right direction now.
22. How much did you change from this time last year till now?
I'm a bit more stressed out now but I feel more satisfied because I am doing less and less things I don't want to be doing.
23. Do you plan on having a child?
It's a possibility which depends on several other things. . .
24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
I sure hope so!
25. Major lifestyle changes?
Nothing major.
26. Will you be moving?
Not yet.
27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 07 that happened in 06?
That I don't lose any weight. That my career plans go stale.
28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
I'm going to party like it's 1999. Maybe next year we will go to one of those pre-organized parties I keep meaning to go to.
29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
Yes, *smoooch*
30. One wish for 07?
For the powers that be to take global warming more seriously. For me to make a definitive career decision. And for me to get into a musical group. Oh wait, that was three wishes.
New Year's Meme
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Assisted on a surgery.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept most of them, sort of. Let's just say that most of my resolutions are "in progress". I am hopeful that things will move along further this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, my friend Alcira had a baby girl
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. I haven't been away anywhere since 2004.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
More discipline to do what needs to get done, primarily practice, study, work out, and keep the house clean.
7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Yikes, the only one standing out right now is August 25th. That's when my mother-in-law went back to DR and when my kittens were born. Oh we also went to Shea Stadium for the first time that night and had a ton of fun.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing the post-bacc premed program at Columbia with a pretty decent average.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not making it into the Wind Ensemble.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was sick for the entire month of March with some VERY nasty conjunctivitis, the flu, sore throat, and stomach problems.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
TiVO!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband. He's really stepped up to the plate to help me with things around the house and with bills/paperwork.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My Dad for being reckless like always. Mom for not sticking up for herself. My brother for making himself a victim and not working on improving his life. Though I must mention that he did also have a major achievement in 2006, one that will allow him to get his Associates this June.
14. Where did most of your money go?
The mortgage.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My new oboe teacher, participating in the pit orchestra for that musical, booking our upcoming vacation, TiVo, and my new iPod.
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
"Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) a tiny bit sadder because I miss some people who are gone or are soon to be gone
b) 2 lbs lighter. I reached 10% of my goal. LOL!
c) technically richer because I'm working again but my salary sucks
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercise. Practice. Read. Pray.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Cook and clean. Gotten angry. Procrastinated.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
In 2007? Who knows? Maybe I'll be more into it this year.
21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Yes, with my new kittens. I'm already in love with my husband JC and my oboe.
22. How many one-night stands?
None. Ever. I feel so deprived.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I try not to have hate in my heart. That being said, several people annoyed the heck out of me last year and will likely continue to do so into 2007.
25. What was the best book you read?
Yikes. I am embarrassed to admit what I read this year.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Quartetto Gelato (thanks Patty!)
27. What did you want and get?
An iPod (sorry, Terminal)
28. What did you want and not get?
An English Horn. *sniff sniff*
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
X-Men, the Last Stand
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My birthday was the most low-key ever. I turned 32.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting into a musical group.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Tried to look a bit more well put together. Less t-shirts and more tailored blouses.
33. What kept you sane?
My oboe.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Eric Bana is still my man. Though Hugh Jackman and Patrick Dempsey did it for me too this year.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Don't really want to go there.
36. Who did you miss?
My mommy who's now living in another country.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
Dr. Singh and Yobany at work.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
It's not about waiting to figure out what the "best" decision could be. It's about taking control of your live and just living it.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"And I think to myself . . . what a wonderful world . . ."
In 2007:
1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Only if I decide not to pursue medical school.
2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
Nope.
3. New house?
No, we just refinanced.
4. What will you do different in 07?
Exercise, practice, and study more. I will need to keep better tabs on my time.
5. New Years resolution?
See #4.
6. What will you not be doing in 07?
The baby thing is still up in the air and looks unlikely right now. But things can change.
7. Any trips planned?
Hell yeah!! Another Caribbean cruise. This one will be Eastern Caribbean and we'll be leaving from NYC. I also hope to make the IDRS conference. There is a possible trip to PA to meet some online gaming friends, another possible trip to NC to meet a church friend who relocated, and perhaps a trip to GA for my sister-in-law's Airborne training graduation. Oh, and I might have to pick up my Mom in DR. And there's always that San Fran trip I keep meaning to take.
8. Wedding plans?
My good friend Luisa is getting married in October.
9. Major thing on your calendar?
The MCAT on May 25th!
10. What can't you wait for?
Getting closer to my ideal weight
Playing oboe in a group on a regular basis
Finally deciding either to apply to med school or to definitely give it up
11. What would you like to see happen differently?
For me to get less involved in other peoples' problems
12. What about yourself will you be changing?
See #11. I hope to become more disciplined. It's the only way I will come close to having it all.
13. What happened in 06 that you didn't think would ever happen?
My brother passed the CPE! (I really hope he doesn't read this blog anymore.)
14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
If possible, yes.
15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 06?
If I lose this weight I will. My husband has been warned already!
16. Will you start or quit drinking?
Drinking is not an important part of my life. I drink a glass of wine a month on average.
17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
Actually, I mean to distance myself a bit from the parents. We need to stop trying to solve all of their problems. It would be nice if we could but it's too much pressure and a bit unfair to us. We'll love them just the same though. In terms of the other relatives I just hope I have more time to spend with them.
18. Will you do charity work?
Hopefully.
19. Will you go to bars?
Perhaps for our rock music gigs. Or for a friend's birthday.
20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
I always am (even though I'm a New Yorker)
21. Do you expect 07 to be a good year for you?
I'm very hopeful; I feel that things are moving in the right direction now.
22. How much did you change from this time last year till now?
I'm a bit more stressed out now but I feel more satisfied because I am doing less and less things I don't want to be doing.
23. Do you plan on having a child?
It's a possibility which depends on several other things. . .
24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
I sure hope so!
25. Major lifestyle changes?
Nothing major.
26. Will you be moving?
Not yet.
27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 07 that happened in 06?
That I don't lose any weight. That my career plans go stale.
28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
I'm going to party like it's 1999. Maybe next year we will go to one of those pre-organized parties I keep meaning to go to.
29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
Yes, *smoooch*
30. One wish for 07?
For the powers that be to take global warming more seriously. For me to make a definitive career decision. And for me to get into a musical group. Oh wait, that was three wishes.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Wisdom gained
I had a good lesson with J Wednesday evening. The first thing we did was go over reed tying. I had started loosening up on the tension and my reeds were turning out somewhat loose. This was causing problems with overtying to compensate and with leakage. We also reviewed knife sharpening on a block (as opposed to ceramic sticks) and I got some lingering scraping questions answered.
After that we spent time on embouchure. I've had ongoing issues with this (which I'm sure has been somewhat frustrating for my teachers). We ended up having a nice conversation about what my motivations for reverting back to a wrong embouchure could be. For some reason I was spending a lot of time "readying" my embouchure before even putting the reed in my mouth to play. J helped me understand that the embouchure doesn't really begin until we start playing and that all those readying efforts are a waste of energy and tend to make me overly nervous. She made me see that it's ok if the note is not perfect from the get-go, that that's why we want flexibility in our embouchures so that we can adjust it. She also helped me see that my ears are perfectly capable of discerning whether the note is sounding well or not. This may all sound subtle or obvious but it's actually a paradigm shift in my playing. I had been in "helpless" mode where once a note was sounding I judged it as good or bad but didn't really think of it as mutable. If reeds were acting up some day and things were sounding bad I would think "oh poor me" rather than "what can I do to make this better". I feel that this is going to help me tremendously with my line problem because now I will think of my playing as dynamic. Rather than be a passive process where the music happens to me and the instrument is controlling me, I want to be the "driver of the bus" as J says. These insights came at the perfect time because as I mentioned before control will be the theme of my third year of oboe study. Before I had only a vague notion of what this would mean. Slowly it's becoming clearer.
The final subject we talked about was vibrato. We only talked about it a little bit. She reiterated the exercise she had given me the last time and explained that while I may be doing vibrato now without it, it will help me gain control of my vibrato. There's that word again! I just hope it all clicks some day.
********
So, I've been having issues with rushing my practice sessions. I suspect that this may be a common problem for adult amateurs. Now that I am over the stage where I wasn't producing sound consistently and am able to bungle through music, I tend to just want to only play "real" stuff. Gone are the days where I would patiently spend an hour on just long tones and slow scales. Now I do a few long tones and some fast but sloppy scales and then start playing music. This is exactly what I didn't want to do, but here I am doing this almost on a daily basis. Part of why I wanted a method book is that they have little etudes which are somewhat satisfying to play but also deal with technical issues.
I realized that the solution is not to revert back to only long tones and play no music at all. What I really need to do, and should have done a while back, is double my daily practice time. I have the endurance to do it now. And a lot of days I have the motivation too. I've just been too disorganized and lazy to get it to work. This morning I tried something I hadn't done in a few months: I practiced in the morning. My morning practice session turned out to be an hour long and I did long tones and slow scales exclusively. Contrary to the weary feeling this gives me in the evening, it actually felt quite good first thing in the morning. It helped me wake up! And my E major scale was all the better for it.
Now when I get home I can look forward to a second practice session which will be all "real" playing. Rather than procrastinate until 10PM when I am too tired I think I will want to jump right into it because I perceive that type of practice as not being drudgery. Woohoo! I think this might work. As long as I can get up at 7AM ...
I've recruited my husband to help me with this because I really feel strongly that this is the only way that I will continue to progress. An hour a day is not enough anymore. My progress has slowed to a crawl and I'm just not addressing all the issues I need to address on a daily basis. I'll let you all know how it's going.
In case I don't have time to write again this weekend: I want to wish everyone all the best for the holidays! *hugs*
After that we spent time on embouchure. I've had ongoing issues with this (which I'm sure has been somewhat frustrating for my teachers). We ended up having a nice conversation about what my motivations for reverting back to a wrong embouchure could be. For some reason I was spending a lot of time "readying" my embouchure before even putting the reed in my mouth to play. J helped me understand that the embouchure doesn't really begin until we start playing and that all those readying efforts are a waste of energy and tend to make me overly nervous. She made me see that it's ok if the note is not perfect from the get-go, that that's why we want flexibility in our embouchures so that we can adjust it. She also helped me see that my ears are perfectly capable of discerning whether the note is sounding well or not. This may all sound subtle or obvious but it's actually a paradigm shift in my playing. I had been in "helpless" mode where once a note was sounding I judged it as good or bad but didn't really think of it as mutable. If reeds were acting up some day and things were sounding bad I would think "oh poor me" rather than "what can I do to make this better". I feel that this is going to help me tremendously with my line problem because now I will think of my playing as dynamic. Rather than be a passive process where the music happens to me and the instrument is controlling me, I want to be the "driver of the bus" as J says. These insights came at the perfect time because as I mentioned before control will be the theme of my third year of oboe study. Before I had only a vague notion of what this would mean. Slowly it's becoming clearer.
The final subject we talked about was vibrato. We only talked about it a little bit. She reiterated the exercise she had given me the last time and explained that while I may be doing vibrato now without it, it will help me gain control of my vibrato. There's that word again! I just hope it all clicks some day.
********
So, I've been having issues with rushing my practice sessions. I suspect that this may be a common problem for adult amateurs. Now that I am over the stage where I wasn't producing sound consistently and am able to bungle through music, I tend to just want to only play "real" stuff. Gone are the days where I would patiently spend an hour on just long tones and slow scales. Now I do a few long tones and some fast but sloppy scales and then start playing music. This is exactly what I didn't want to do, but here I am doing this almost on a daily basis. Part of why I wanted a method book is that they have little etudes which are somewhat satisfying to play but also deal with technical issues.
I realized that the solution is not to revert back to only long tones and play no music at all. What I really need to do, and should have done a while back, is double my daily practice time. I have the endurance to do it now. And a lot of days I have the motivation too. I've just been too disorganized and lazy to get it to work. This morning I tried something I hadn't done in a few months: I practiced in the morning. My morning practice session turned out to be an hour long and I did long tones and slow scales exclusively. Contrary to the weary feeling this gives me in the evening, it actually felt quite good first thing in the morning. It helped me wake up! And my E major scale was all the better for it.
Now when I get home I can look forward to a second practice session which will be all "real" playing. Rather than procrastinate until 10PM when I am too tired I think I will want to jump right into it because I perceive that type of practice as not being drudgery. Woohoo! I think this might work. As long as I can get up at 7AM ...
I've recruited my husband to help me with this because I really feel strongly that this is the only way that I will continue to progress. An hour a day is not enough anymore. My progress has slowed to a crawl and I'm just not addressing all the issues I need to address on a daily basis. I'll let you all know how it's going.
In case I don't have time to write again this weekend: I want to wish everyone all the best for the holidays! *hugs*
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Sound?
I found a link to this article about Liang Wang on the Oboe Bboard. The article was interesting and is indeed useful to share with others who don't understand our plight. What intrigued me more about the link was that there was a sound sample of the Marcello oboe concerto. When I clicked it on I was glad to hear the opening chords of the second movement as this is the one I've been working on.
I must admit that his sound wasn't what I was expecting. Just this week I was reading a thread on those oboe boards about the American sound and how it's gone in a wrong direction, blah blah blah. After hearing the clip I am starting to wonder if maybe some of those comments were right. I certainly don't want to put him down as I could only hope to play a fraction of how well he plays. But there is something off about the sound. Maybe it's the recording, but it did seem a bit clarinety to me. Nothing wrong with the clarinet of course, but this is supposed to be an oboe. Overall the performance was good but the sound did seem to lack some of the ring I was expecting. Or maybe there's something weird with the vibrato. Or was it the interpretation? Is he phrasing oddly or ending phrases abruptly or something? I can't quite put my finger on why I wasn't more impressed with the sound. Gosh, I hope I'm not talking out of my @ss.
Here's a link to the oboe sound gallery. I'd be curious to know which are regarded as most beautiful and which are regarded just good by other people (all oboes are at least good mwahahah). Compare Wang's version to De Lancie's. The latter is hauntingly beautiful and powerful to me. The Robin Williams version made me chuckle, though I guess it's probably the most historically accurate. It's like a dress with way too much lace. If I ever have time I'd like to look into all those clips some more and figure out which are my favorite, etc.
I don't mean this all to be a rant, I just want to understand what's going on so that I can learn from it and apply it to my own, very VERY humble, playing.
I must admit that his sound wasn't what I was expecting. Just this week I was reading a thread on those oboe boards about the American sound and how it's gone in a wrong direction, blah blah blah. After hearing the clip I am starting to wonder if maybe some of those comments were right. I certainly don't want to put him down as I could only hope to play a fraction of how well he plays. But there is something off about the sound. Maybe it's the recording, but it did seem a bit clarinety to me. Nothing wrong with the clarinet of course, but this is supposed to be an oboe. Overall the performance was good but the sound did seem to lack some of the ring I was expecting. Or maybe there's something weird with the vibrato. Or was it the interpretation? Is he phrasing oddly or ending phrases abruptly or something? I can't quite put my finger on why I wasn't more impressed with the sound. Gosh, I hope I'm not talking out of my @ss.
Here's a link to the oboe sound gallery. I'd be curious to know which are regarded as most beautiful and which are regarded just good by other people (all oboes are at least good mwahahah). Compare Wang's version to De Lancie's. The latter is hauntingly beautiful and powerful to me. The Robin Williams version made me chuckle, though I guess it's probably the most historically accurate. It's like a dress with way too much lace. If I ever have time I'd like to look into all those clips some more and figure out which are my favorite, etc.
I don't mean this all to be a rant, I just want to understand what's going on so that I can learn from it and apply it to my own, very VERY humble, playing.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Recap
Now I'm officially on gig hangover. That's the part of it that really sucks. One of my first thoughts right when we ended the final performance was "when will I get another gig like this again?" It was so great to play in a group. In fact, this whole experience got me thinking about that in general. Why is it so fulfilling for me to play in ensembles? I mean, I play a pretty "showy" instrument in that there is a decent sized solo repertoire and even in an orchestral setting there is a chance for one to stand out in solos. I remember that when I first started playing oboe that was one of the things that worried me. Initially I was ONLY about the whole ensemble thing. And even now it's still what makes me happiest. I suspect that after always feeling like an outsider everywhere it is especially wonderful to be a part of something bigger and feel like I actually belong. But the cool thing that I am noticing as time goes on is that my instrument has such a unique sound that it tends to stand out even when it's blending in. Kind of like me. Even though I can mingle and socialize just fine, I am always very different from the crowd. In a good way, I hope. As I continue to grow I am a tiny bit less scared of the soloing aspect. I was pretty stressed right before my solos but I have to admit that I was also excited to be heard. Speaking of which, I might have some very low quality (and possibly illegal) sound clips from one of the performances. If I can clean them up some I might be able to share them.
So here's a recap on the performances:
Opening Night: This was by far the most nerve-wracking performance. Everyone in the cast and even some of the musicians were very nervous. I had to keep thinking to myself that this was just like any other rehearsal. Looking out into the audience would make my heart flutter. We ended up being placed on one side of the audience, below the stage. We weren't hidden like in a real pit but at least the audience was not facing us directly. They had to turn their heads to look at us. I never looked anywhere but at my music while I was playing but during my breaks I would look out. Every once in a while an audience member would look at us for a while. So I can only imagine that some were staring during my solos. Eep! J made two new reeds for me and I ended up playing on the better one of those two. It was somewhat hard and I felt that I was loud, but apparently the sound people made everything sound balanced. The nice thing about the stout reed was that it responded well on my fake EH solo (the high pressure one). The lyrical solos came out ok but not great.
Saturday afternoon performance: Is there some kind of bad luck with middle performances? I woke up to find that neither of the two new reeds sounded good. The sound seemed very honky to me. My sister-in-law and her new boyfriend came out for this performance and he started falling asleep a few minutes into it! They ended up leaving after intermission. This turned out to be good because I had some major drama going on second act. During intermission I played around with the reeds some more, trying to get them to soften up. Things seemed to be going ok but during my favorite fast tune I started noticing issues with my higher register. An entire section ended up sounding an octave lower. At that point I wasn't sure what was going on and I ended up swabbing before the next fast number. That one started out ok but then I noticed that certain higher notes were not sounding right at all. For a second I panicked and thought that perhaps the oboe had broken! I look at the page and see that a perky solo is coming up. I swab again semi frantically and go in for a few notes but something was still wrong. The good thing was that instead of a weird different note I was now getting a more familiar gurgling sound. Water in a hole! I quickly thought. I busted out my cigarette paper with only about 10 measures to go before my solo. There was nothing in any of the usual culprits and I almost started panicking again but then I had a Zen moment and realized that it had to be in the tiny octave key. Sure enough the darn thing was a mess. I managed to clean it up with just enough time to play my solo. *phew* The rest of the performance was less eventful. I was pretty proud that not only did I figure out the problem but I managed to remain relatively calm (at least on the outside) throughout the ordeal.
Saturday evening: I had a long break in between and tested all of my reeds once again. For this performance I used the new one for fast numbers and was able to get an older one to work for me for the slower numbers. The softer reed had been playing very sharp before which was why I had ignored it but for some reason the intonation was fine on Saturday. I was glad to have this reed because it allowed me to play around with the dynamics (at least as much as I am capable of at this point). So all in all, this was the best performance for me. Oh, and the trumpet players went all out at the end which is always fun (albeit painful) to listen to.
I will miss the Merrily "orchetra" but have good memories of my "official" debut. In a way I am glad to be able to refocus on my own stuff for now. I didn't play Marcello at all last week nor my scales. Last night I was able to spend time on long tones again and I was actually happy about that for a change. I'm hoping for some more of the same tonight.
So here's a recap on the performances:
Opening Night: This was by far the most nerve-wracking performance. Everyone in the cast and even some of the musicians were very nervous. I had to keep thinking to myself that this was just like any other rehearsal. Looking out into the audience would make my heart flutter. We ended up being placed on one side of the audience, below the stage. We weren't hidden like in a real pit but at least the audience was not facing us directly. They had to turn their heads to look at us. I never looked anywhere but at my music while I was playing but during my breaks I would look out. Every once in a while an audience member would look at us for a while. So I can only imagine that some were staring during my solos. Eep! J made two new reeds for me and I ended up playing on the better one of those two. It was somewhat hard and I felt that I was loud, but apparently the sound people made everything sound balanced. The nice thing about the stout reed was that it responded well on my fake EH solo (the high pressure one). The lyrical solos came out ok but not great.
Saturday afternoon performance: Is there some kind of bad luck with middle performances? I woke up to find that neither of the two new reeds sounded good. The sound seemed very honky to me. My sister-in-law and her new boyfriend came out for this performance and he started falling asleep a few minutes into it! They ended up leaving after intermission. This turned out to be good because I had some major drama going on second act. During intermission I played around with the reeds some more, trying to get them to soften up. Things seemed to be going ok but during my favorite fast tune I started noticing issues with my higher register. An entire section ended up sounding an octave lower. At that point I wasn't sure what was going on and I ended up swabbing before the next fast number. That one started out ok but then I noticed that certain higher notes were not sounding right at all. For a second I panicked and thought that perhaps the oboe had broken! I look at the page and see that a perky solo is coming up. I swab again semi frantically and go in for a few notes but something was still wrong. The good thing was that instead of a weird different note I was now getting a more familiar gurgling sound. Water in a hole! I quickly thought. I busted out my cigarette paper with only about 10 measures to go before my solo. There was nothing in any of the usual culprits and I almost started panicking again but then I had a Zen moment and realized that it had to be in the tiny octave key. Sure enough the darn thing was a mess. I managed to clean it up with just enough time to play my solo. *phew* The rest of the performance was less eventful. I was pretty proud that not only did I figure out the problem but I managed to remain relatively calm (at least on the outside) throughout the ordeal.
Saturday evening: I had a long break in between and tested all of my reeds once again. For this performance I used the new one for fast numbers and was able to get an older one to work for me for the slower numbers. The softer reed had been playing very sharp before which was why I had ignored it but for some reason the intonation was fine on Saturday. I was glad to have this reed because it allowed me to play around with the dynamics (at least as much as I am capable of at this point). So all in all, this was the best performance for me. Oh, and the trumpet players went all out at the end which is always fun (albeit painful) to listen to.
I will miss the Merrily "orchetra" but have good memories of my "official" debut. In a way I am glad to be able to refocus on my own stuff for now. I didn't play Marcello at all last week nor my scales. Last night I was able to spend time on long tones again and I was actually happy about that for a change. I'm hoping for some more of the same tonight.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
A picture is worth a thousand words
Oooo, it's past midnight. That means that it is now officially my 2nd year oboe anniversary!!!! I'd just like to take this moment to thank God for the oboe. Two years later and I am still as marveled by it as the first day. I always find it difficult to put my very strong feelings about this into words. Lately I've been comparing these feelings to a nova. Hopefully some day I will be able to express this all through my playing and thus share some of this bliss with others.
For now I just want to share a picture of me and Luna in the pit:
Big
I couldn't have asked for a better present on this occasion than to be in an ensemble playing genuine oboe parts. I'm taking this as an auspicious sign. Hugs and kisses to you all!
For now I just want to share a picture of me and Luna in the pit:
Big
I couldn't have asked for a better present on this occasion than to be in an ensemble playing genuine oboe parts. I'm taking this as an auspicious sign. Hugs and kisses to you all!
Friday, December 01, 2006
In the pit
Ok, so I'm still not sure if we'll be literally in a pit, but I am definitely officially a member of the "Merrily Orchestra". *bows deeply*
Last night was our fourth rehearsal out of 5 total. The very first one last Monday went pretty well. I didn't feel very nervous because I figured that they weren't expecting perfection anyway. Driving into the City for my second rehearsal, however, I was a lot more nervous. I had had the music for 3 days and could no longer play the "oops, this is my first reading" card. Luckily, my slow solos are technically easy so I wasn't nervous for those. Well, maybe just a tad nervous on some high hard-to-tune notes. But really the only nerve wracking part is near the end of Act 1 where I am playing a witty little EH solo (on oboe). I messed it up the first time and wanted to make sure it came out correctly. I'm all alone (besides the rhythm section) and the timing has to be perfect with the singers. Oh, and the piano and bass are quite syncopated and I have to tune them out in order to stay on time. Oh, and there is one 6/4 measure thrown in when the rest of it is in 4/4 cut time. It's only 7 measures long but those are the longest seconds ever. By the time I finish my heart is pounding. I've managed to not mess up the notes but even last night one of the directors still wasn't happy with my phrasing. I'll work on it some more tonight.
My favorite pieces to play are the one song that's in 3, just because it's funny and the bass line cracks me up, and the last slow piece of the play because I have a pretty solo which I get to play multiple times.
Even if they never call me back again to do this sort of thing, I am very grateful to have this opportunity now because I am learning quite a lot. For example:
* The absolute most difficult part of this has nothing to do with intonation, sight-reading, or even endurance. What's killing me is dynamics. I never thought of the oboe as being particularly loud, especially after my latest gigs, but if I am not being careful I feel that I stand out too much. Maybe it's a timbre thing too I guess. Obviously if the three trumpets and trombone and the 3 saxes are playing, I get lost, but when it's just reeds I have to work VERY hard to blend in.
* Related to the above is the whole "quiet entrance" phenomenon. NOW I FINALLY understand what other oboists are talking about when they complain about this. I am not playing in every song and sometimes my breaks are a few minutes long. Why then do I have to come in pianissimo on some low note?? Have they any idea how hard that is to do? Especially when you haven't played on your reed for a while and it has dried out. You (or at least I) have NO clue what the thing is going to sound like.
* Clarinets and flutes can play very very very softly. *boggle*
* Thank God I have been working on scales with more than 3 accidentals. These folks love B-flat and B major.
All in all, it's really turning out to be a fun experience. Our last full run through is tomorrow and then we perform Friday evening and Saturday afternoon and evening. I'm not sure if I already mentioned this, but Saturday will be my 2 year oboe anniversary. I feel that it's a good sign that I will be performing on that day. Though I have played a few times at church functions with the oboe these upcoming performances are my first "real" ones (i.e. it wasn't my friends who just let me play for fun). And potentially the audience may be quite large and may include other musicians. *gulp* No matter, I will try not to let nerves get in the way and will simply think of it as celebrating the anniversary of my best decision ever.
Last night was our fourth rehearsal out of 5 total. The very first one last Monday went pretty well. I didn't feel very nervous because I figured that they weren't expecting perfection anyway. Driving into the City for my second rehearsal, however, I was a lot more nervous. I had had the music for 3 days and could no longer play the "oops, this is my first reading" card. Luckily, my slow solos are technically easy so I wasn't nervous for those. Well, maybe just a tad nervous on some high hard-to-tune notes. But really the only nerve wracking part is near the end of Act 1 where I am playing a witty little EH solo (on oboe). I messed it up the first time and wanted to make sure it came out correctly. I'm all alone (besides the rhythm section) and the timing has to be perfect with the singers. Oh, and the piano and bass are quite syncopated and I have to tune them out in order to stay on time. Oh, and there is one 6/4 measure thrown in when the rest of it is in 4/4 cut time. It's only 7 measures long but those are the longest seconds ever. By the time I finish my heart is pounding. I've managed to not mess up the notes but even last night one of the directors still wasn't happy with my phrasing. I'll work on it some more tonight.
My favorite pieces to play are the one song that's in 3, just because it's funny and the bass line cracks me up, and the last slow piece of the play because I have a pretty solo which I get to play multiple times.
Even if they never call me back again to do this sort of thing, I am very grateful to have this opportunity now because I am learning quite a lot. For example:
* The absolute most difficult part of this has nothing to do with intonation, sight-reading, or even endurance. What's killing me is dynamics. I never thought of the oboe as being particularly loud, especially after my latest gigs, but if I am not being careful I feel that I stand out too much. Maybe it's a timbre thing too I guess. Obviously if the three trumpets and trombone and the 3 saxes are playing, I get lost, but when it's just reeds I have to work VERY hard to blend in.
* Related to the above is the whole "quiet entrance" phenomenon. NOW I FINALLY understand what other oboists are talking about when they complain about this. I am not playing in every song and sometimes my breaks are a few minutes long. Why then do I have to come in pianissimo on some low note?? Have they any idea how hard that is to do? Especially when you haven't played on your reed for a while and it has dried out. You (or at least I) have NO clue what the thing is going to sound like.
* Clarinets and flutes can play very very very softly. *boggle*
* Thank God I have been working on scales with more than 3 accidentals. These folks love B-flat and B major.
All in all, it's really turning out to be a fun experience. Our last full run through is tomorrow and then we perform Friday evening and Saturday afternoon and evening. I'm not sure if I already mentioned this, but Saturday will be my 2 year oboe anniversary. I feel that it's a good sign that I will be performing on that day. Though I have played a few times at church functions with the oboe these upcoming performances are my first "real" ones (i.e. it wasn't my friends who just let me play for fun). And potentially the audience may be quite large and may include other musicians. *gulp* No matter, I will try not to let nerves get in the way and will simply think of it as celebrating the anniversary of my best decision ever.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Moment Musicale
Check out this email I got today:
Hi Hilda --
My name is XYZ; I am co-musical directing "Merrily We Roll Along", a full-length musical written by Stephen Sondheim going up in Lerner Auditorium December 8 and 9. We are looking for musicians to play the Reed 3 part, written for clarinet, english horn, oboe and tenor. If you would be interested in playing oboe and any of those other instruments that you might play that would be fantastic. We are getting close to show time and are still very short on pit musicians.
More information is below; let me know if you're interested.
I am excited, but scared that I'm not good enough. I can only go for oboe because I am too rusty on sax and it would mess up my oboe embouchure.
Hi Hilda --
My name is XYZ; I am co-musical directing "Merrily We Roll Along", a full-length musical written by Stephen Sondheim going up in Lerner Auditorium December 8 and 9. We are looking for musicians to play the Reed 3 part, written for clarinet, english horn, oboe and tenor. If you would be interested in playing oboe and any of those other instruments that you might play that would be fantastic. We are getting close to show time and are still very short on pit musicians.
More information is below; let me know if you're interested.
I am excited, but scared that I'm not good enough. I can only go for oboe because I am too rusty on sax and it would mess up my oboe embouchure.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Control
In a little less than 3 weeks I will have been playing the oboe for 2 years. Can you believe it? I certainly can't. Because I can no longer imagine my life without the oboe, it feels as though I have been playing a lot longer. However, some days when I am working mostly on only "basic" stuff I feel as though I am still very much a beginner. I think that the reality is that I am somewhere in between; it's probably safe to say that I am firmly entrenched in the "intermediate" category. Considering the reputation my instrument has for being difficult, I guess I've progressed well in 2 years' time. What's even better is that I am still completely in love with the oboe. Even more so than before if that's possible. I have my moments where I feel discouraged, but all I have to do is listen to a few recordings and I am reinspired and re-energized. Hearing the oboe or EH still puts a huge smile on my face and makes my eyes well up. Every day I thank God for it because it has changed my life for the better forever.
I realized over the course of the last week that this upcoming year's theme will be control. At this point I have at least touched on all the basics. The goal now will be to gain control of them so that I am in control of my playing. I have to get to the point where I know what will be coming out of my instrument at all times. Right now I may try to play pp, but it might turn out a little louder than expected. Or I may get no sound at all. I spent a lot of this past year on my intonation so that major area is my best one. This coming year I need to spend more time on breathing/air flow, vibrato, sound, and dynamics. Oh, and reed making of course. At least I am starting to see some progress with the reeds. The one I took into my lesson yesterday was my best looking reed yet. She had to work on it some but they are turning out better and better. I took a picture of my new reed corner and will share it with you once I get it to the computer. I'm convinced that creating a comfortable place for me to work on reeds at is part of what's helping me improve.
I am excited about this coming year because I think that at the end of it I will finally be making some really beautiful music. At that point, hopefully I can really start to work on the repertoire, both etudes and solo pieces. Maybe at some point next year I will finally find a nice group to play regularly with.
Speaking of which, my bassoonist friend called me recently and is interested in restarting the quartet. I don't want to get up my hopes too much, but so far this has been the only group I've been happy in (aside from my duet buddies). Apparently he has a project with a Brazilian singer where we'd be accompanying her on some Villa-Lobos music. I think that means it will be hard! We might also prepare some more modern quartet pieces. I'll rejoice about it when it actually happens.
For now I guess I have to put up with well-meaning but clueless arrangers. My husband got invited to a church concert by an ambitious arranger. He even wrote in some parts for oboe. But then he forgot to show up to the rehearsal last week. And the papers are a mess. The rehearsal was another complete fiasco. The concert is this coming Saturday. I am not sure if I will bother participating or not because at this point it will probably end up just being my husband on piano. All the brass and wind players were very discouraged and will probably not show up to the concert.
I have another lead on a possible group, but have to look into it first.
The good thing is that tomorrow I meet up with my new duet buddy. We were supposed to be a trio but that didn't work out. I should get to play some more EH again tomorrow. WOOOOOT! I came *this* close to buying a Fox EH that a friend of J's was selling. But then I decided to hold off because I really didn't want to use up my entire savings and because I figured I should just keep focusing on oboe for now. I'll have one soon enough :-)
I realized over the course of the last week that this upcoming year's theme will be control. At this point I have at least touched on all the basics. The goal now will be to gain control of them so that I am in control of my playing. I have to get to the point where I know what will be coming out of my instrument at all times. Right now I may try to play pp, but it might turn out a little louder than expected. Or I may get no sound at all. I spent a lot of this past year on my intonation so that major area is my best one. This coming year I need to spend more time on breathing/air flow, vibrato, sound, and dynamics. Oh, and reed making of course. At least I am starting to see some progress with the reeds. The one I took into my lesson yesterday was my best looking reed yet. She had to work on it some but they are turning out better and better. I took a picture of my new reed corner and will share it with you once I get it to the computer. I'm convinced that creating a comfortable place for me to work on reeds at is part of what's helping me improve.
I am excited about this coming year because I think that at the end of it I will finally be making some really beautiful music. At that point, hopefully I can really start to work on the repertoire, both etudes and solo pieces. Maybe at some point next year I will finally find a nice group to play regularly with.
Speaking of which, my bassoonist friend called me recently and is interested in restarting the quartet. I don't want to get up my hopes too much, but so far this has been the only group I've been happy in (aside from my duet buddies). Apparently he has a project with a Brazilian singer where we'd be accompanying her on some Villa-Lobos music. I think that means it will be hard! We might also prepare some more modern quartet pieces. I'll rejoice about it when it actually happens.
For now I guess I have to put up with well-meaning but clueless arrangers. My husband got invited to a church concert by an ambitious arranger. He even wrote in some parts for oboe. But then he forgot to show up to the rehearsal last week. And the papers are a mess. The rehearsal was another complete fiasco. The concert is this coming Saturday. I am not sure if I will bother participating or not because at this point it will probably end up just being my husband on piano. All the brass and wind players were very discouraged and will probably not show up to the concert.
I have another lead on a possible group, but have to look into it first.
The good thing is that tomorrow I meet up with my new duet buddy. We were supposed to be a trio but that didn't work out. I should get to play some more EH again tomorrow. WOOOOOT! I came *this* close to buying a Fox EH that a friend of J's was selling. But then I decided to hold off because I really didn't want to use up my entire savings and because I figured I should just keep focusing on oboe for now. I'll have one soon enough :-)
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Chinny Chin Chin
My last lesson went reasonably well. My reed wasn't as good as the one from last week; she had to work on it a lot longer. But it turned out ok at the end. Again, not great enough to play with others (not that I am doing that anyway) but good enough to use at home for practice.
I'm happy to report that she did notice improvement with the long tone/dynamics exercise. I was able to produce the different dynamics on demand (pp, mf, f, ff). She upped the ante by asking me to go from ff to pp on the same note. I wasn't able to control my air flow well enough and the sound ended up stopping. So that's one thing I will need to work on for this coming week. Also, my vibrato has taken a nosedive. The problem is that when I try to work the vibrato in, I tend to get louder. There are just so many things to think about! Well this week I need to try to figure out how to work the vibrato in without the dynamics changing. I also need to work a bit more on not going sharp with the fortisimos. More reed rolling exercise for me.
My teacher was quite happy with the slow movement of the Marcello. She said that the intonation was great and she liked my dynamics. I've also improved in terms of air flow and line. It doesn't sound as disjointed as before where I was worrying about just note at a time instead of entire phrases. The two negative things she noticed were that I was moving my fingers more than necessary (especially with the half hole) and that my chin was moving around. Problem is that I don't even feel it moving. She thinks I may be doing it to try to tune up my notes but I wonder if it's me trying keep my embouchure in place. Either way I have to practice with my mirror again to make sure I am not chewing or otherwise moving my jaw/chin. UGH! I am quite disturbed by this habit because it's almost subconscious or something since I don't feel it happening. When will my corners and chin just stay in place? Hopefully soon!
I may have some playing opportunities coming up . . . more on that in a later post.
I'm happy to report that she did notice improvement with the long tone/dynamics exercise. I was able to produce the different dynamics on demand (pp, mf, f, ff). She upped the ante by asking me to go from ff to pp on the same note. I wasn't able to control my air flow well enough and the sound ended up stopping. So that's one thing I will need to work on for this coming week. Also, my vibrato has taken a nosedive. The problem is that when I try to work the vibrato in, I tend to get louder. There are just so many things to think about! Well this week I need to try to figure out how to work the vibrato in without the dynamics changing. I also need to work a bit more on not going sharp with the fortisimos. More reed rolling exercise for me.
My teacher was quite happy with the slow movement of the Marcello. She said that the intonation was great and she liked my dynamics. I've also improved in terms of air flow and line. It doesn't sound as disjointed as before where I was worrying about just note at a time instead of entire phrases. The two negative things she noticed were that I was moving my fingers more than necessary (especially with the half hole) and that my chin was moving around. Problem is that I don't even feel it moving. She thinks I may be doing it to try to tune up my notes but I wonder if it's me trying keep my embouchure in place. Either way I have to practice with my mirror again to make sure I am not chewing or otherwise moving my jaw/chin. UGH! I am quite disturbed by this habit because it's almost subconscious or something since I don't feel it happening. When will my corners and chin just stay in place? Hopefully soon!
I may have some playing opportunities coming up . . . more on that in a later post.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Hilda 1 Reeds 87
Last Sunday I had a lesson and took two reeds in for inspection. Guess what? One of them was actually good! I've had nearly good ones before where my teacher would fix just a few things on them, particularly on the tip. But this reed's tip needed NO adjustment at all. When I looked at it under her light I almost got goosebumps. It looked how it was supposed to look! WOOHOO! She made a few scrapes in the back and that was it. The sound is not amazing but it plays comfortably and acceptably. I have been struggling so much with knife sharpening of all things and it was really hampering my progress in the reed making front. I knew that the knives felt better this weekend and that must be why the tip came out well. Let's hope that I don't have to make another 100 reeds before I get the next decent one.
That was the good news. The bad news is that E-flat minor kicked my butt. And the other bad news it that my embouchure still needs some work. It's improved, but as I tire I struggle to keep my corners and chin in the right place and sometimes I bite too. Is it normal to still be dealing with this? When do the child students rid themselves of these habits?
I guess I'm paranoid because I didn't get to play the Marcello at my last lesson. After celebrating the reed success (my other reed was a complete dud by the way) we did long tones and ended up staying there for the remainder of the lesson. So I left wondering if she noticed something really wrong with my tone production or she just happened to want to return to basics on that particular day. I know that we moved very fast at the beginning so maybe she just wants to backtrack a little bit for thoroughness's sake. She said that I am focusing way too much on intonation and that my sound has suffered somewhat because of it. Apparently I've started to overcompensate with my embouchure to ensure the proper intonation. She'd rather me not play perfectly in tune but focus more on getting a stronger sound. I'm been dampering my sound too much in trying to sound beautiful and in tune. At one point she told me I was trying to skip a year to which I replied that I have a lot of years to make up for. I think she really feels my pain for wanting this really badly but having a complicated life now.
My first few days of practice after the lesson felt weird. I spend the majority of my practice session doing long tones and slow scales. I do think I really needed it though. Today I finally felt better with the exercises she gave me. I think I am starting to understand where she's going with the sound thing. I don't have to damper the sound in order for it to sound pretty. Quite the contrary. When I am not biting and my chin and corners are correct, the sound that comes out is a lot more vibrant and "singing". It's a little harder to control the volume but I wasn't doing that well with the before anyway so now I am following her suggestions about air speed and support. Let's see what happens this coming Sunday.
In terms of the Marcello, I've been focusing on the 2nd movement ever since I switched to the C minor version. It's VERY hard on my chops to get through the whole thing. In fact, my embouchure tends to die out somewhere halfway and I need to take a few bars of rest before continuing. The good thing is that the soreness I feel is at the corners of my lips so hopefully that means that I am working that area and that it will get stronger soon, enabling me to keep the correct embouchure for longer and longer periods of time.
Sometimes I wish we were also working out of a method book too. Maybe it's because I'm a nerd or because I am so frustrated at not having start young and want to make up for that, but there's something satisfying about being able to say "I finished xyz book". *sigh* I just feel a constant need to be evaluated and to know how I'm progressing in all areas. Why is it that method books are not normally used with adult students?
And with that question, I am off to bed. Tomorrow will be another long day at work and I have to come home and practice AND start another reed before we go out to the movies. :-D Happy playing everyone!
That was the good news. The bad news is that E-flat minor kicked my butt. And the other bad news it that my embouchure still needs some work. It's improved, but as I tire I struggle to keep my corners and chin in the right place and sometimes I bite too. Is it normal to still be dealing with this? When do the child students rid themselves of these habits?
I guess I'm paranoid because I didn't get to play the Marcello at my last lesson. After celebrating the reed success (my other reed was a complete dud by the way) we did long tones and ended up staying there for the remainder of the lesson. So I left wondering if she noticed something really wrong with my tone production or she just happened to want to return to basics on that particular day. I know that we moved very fast at the beginning so maybe she just wants to backtrack a little bit for thoroughness's sake. She said that I am focusing way too much on intonation and that my sound has suffered somewhat because of it. Apparently I've started to overcompensate with my embouchure to ensure the proper intonation. She'd rather me not play perfectly in tune but focus more on getting a stronger sound. I'm been dampering my sound too much in trying to sound beautiful and in tune. At one point she told me I was trying to skip a year to which I replied that I have a lot of years to make up for. I think she really feels my pain for wanting this really badly but having a complicated life now.
My first few days of practice after the lesson felt weird. I spend the majority of my practice session doing long tones and slow scales. I do think I really needed it though. Today I finally felt better with the exercises she gave me. I think I am starting to understand where she's going with the sound thing. I don't have to damper the sound in order for it to sound pretty. Quite the contrary. When I am not biting and my chin and corners are correct, the sound that comes out is a lot more vibrant and "singing". It's a little harder to control the volume but I wasn't doing that well with the before anyway so now I am following her suggestions about air speed and support. Let's see what happens this coming Sunday.
In terms of the Marcello, I've been focusing on the 2nd movement ever since I switched to the C minor version. It's VERY hard on my chops to get through the whole thing. In fact, my embouchure tends to die out somewhere halfway and I need to take a few bars of rest before continuing. The good thing is that the soreness I feel is at the corners of my lips so hopefully that means that I am working that area and that it will get stronger soon, enabling me to keep the correct embouchure for longer and longer periods of time.
Sometimes I wish we were also working out of a method book too. Maybe it's because I'm a nerd or because I am so frustrated at not having start young and want to make up for that, but there's something satisfying about being able to say "I finished xyz book". *sigh* I just feel a constant need to be evaluated and to know how I'm progressing in all areas. Why is it that method books are not normally used with adult students?
And with that question, I am off to bed. Tomorrow will be another long day at work and I have to come home and practice AND start another reed before we go out to the movies. :-D Happy playing everyone!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Mannes revisited
Whenver I contemplate winning the lottery my thoughts inevitably gravitate towards this program. I just realized that it's probably possible to do the entire thing part-time at night. Sure, it may take 6 years, but at least I know there is a way, albeit impractical, to get a little bit of the conservatory experience. Hanging out with a bunch of music geeks is so appealing to me. But I'm sure it's not lovey dovey at all. I bet you that even these adult students are competitive. Oh well. I can always dream.
Time to go practice now.
Time to go practice now.
Friday, October 27, 2006
An attempt to catch up
Now that the doctors at work have switched to digital recording, I borrowed one of the old mini tape recorders from them. The idea was to dictate my posts as I drove around, since that's when I tend to get most of my inspirations for writing. The plan hasn't quite yet come to fruition. But since I've become at least partially optimistic in the last few years, I do still have hopes of updating my blog more regularly.
One of the things I thought about this week was that I've been trying to keep the blog fairly impersonal, focusing mostly on music. I figured no one would want to read about my daily struggles outside of the practice room. But then I realized that this is part of why it's been hard to update it lately. Back when I was at the corporate job I had ample free time and a LOT of mental energy to devote to my music. I could easily come up with blog entries dealing with music and just music. That's not the case right now. I feel pretty inundated with everything going on and am unable to write about music on a daily basis. In order for that river to flow again I need to relieve myself of some of the things burdening me.
So what's been going on?
* Hmm, let's start with lite fare. One of the kittens has a new home. Our friend from church took her in. The kitten now has a big family which includes a 5 year old girl, an almost 2 year old boy, and a male puppy! They've named her Suzy.
* We've named the kitten we're keeping Cleo.
* My brother and my husband took their CPE tests last Wednesday. If my brother passes he will qualify to graduate and will be granted his Associates Degree (even though he has over 90 credits . . . long story). If my husband passes then he only has to take three more courses and he too will get his AA. I am more worried about how my brother fared as it was a retake for him and they only get 3 tries before the schools give them a hard time. He really needs to have something good happen to him so that he can use that as impetus to get things going in his life again. I feel like he's committing the same mistakes I made in my early 20's. I wish there was a way to protect him from it all but all along we've hurt him by not letting him fall and learn to pick himself back up.
* My sister-in-law (who lives with us and just turned 19) enlisted to join the Army and is leaving on January 3rd. I think the magnitude of this hasn't quite hit me yet as I am in denial. I have a hard time understanding her decision and seeing how it will be for the best. But I can't impose on her my vision of what her life should be. I guess all we can do is pray for her health and safety.
* Since August 5th, all of our parents are living in the Dominican Republic. This is the longest I've ever been away from my mother. It's been good and bad. There is so much tension (more on my end at this point) between my dad and me that though I miss her it's healthier for me to have him farther away. At this point, however, I am starting to miss him too. I wasn't quite ready for how much their retirement would upset my own life. Our Sundays were set in stone, now I feel that we are wandering around a bit lost ...
* ... now that we're on the subject of Sundays, we haven't gone to our church all month. I can't remember the last time I missed that many Masses in a row. I may have been 12 years old. There is all kinds of drama going on with our church band. Be careful what you wish for, indeed. I have never felt comfortable with the Mass I started attending 14 years ago. It's a Spanish Charismatic mass which means that it's a lot livelier than what I was used to. Over the years as I've gotten more and more involved with the music I seemed to forget about my initial unease and just rejoiced in the camaraderie. But for the past few months I've been feeling a noticeable void in my life. I've started to feel as though I have become spiritually barren. This makes sense since I have not actively worked on my spiritual side in many years. Add to this a recent meeting about music reform at our church, my husband's continual involvement with an artist who has frequent Sunday gigs, and my general sense of exhaustion/saturation and you get an ugly mixture. Tomorrow we met with our pastor regarding our absence and the future of our group and of that mass. I don't know what I want at this point, but I do know that I at least need some time off to examine my options without any pressure.
* Work is very intense. So intense, in fact, that I have no time to think about how intense it is until I get home feeling like an overripe fruit which splatted onto the ground. I thought this was what I wanted. Because I have indeed conquered procrastination in one fell swoop (at least at work). It is impossible to procrastinate when patients are waiting, phones are ringing, and doctors are paging you. I do admit that there is a certain rush to all this. But this constant sensation of rush and stress is unhealthy I fear. Were it to be better if I was higher up in the food chain? Or would the added responsibility make it unbearable?
* Despite my chronic fatigue (I think it's finally beginning to subside somewhat) I still find myself compelled to stay on this pre-med route. Without it my life seems to have no direction.
* Well, there is one exception to what I just wrote. Let's just say that it is pretty clear to me that my biological clock is ticking. So I find myself frequently daydreaming about a life full of diapers, play dates, and music.
* This is followed by daydreams of me actually doing something about my health. I've been feeling quite unhealthy lately and the desire to change that is slowly growing inside me. Perhaps it will gain enough momentum to actually lead me to make some healthy changes in my life. But who has time to fit working out into an already hectic schedule? And eating healthy requires SO much planning. And a lot of money.
* The next thought is that even if I were to get into perfect Mommy shape there is still a logistical problem to deal with. My husband's schedule right now is so hectic that sometimes three days go by where the only time we spend together is while we are sleeping.
* In spite of all this, I do still have my musical goals. And part of my problem is trying to figure out how to work out the rest of my life so that I can still attain said goal. Thank GOD for the oboe because though my motivation has been less than desired lately (maybe because I'm so tired!) I am convinced that it is the sole reason why I am managing to keep my sanity. I don't know if I've become a wimp or something, but for some reason I feel nearly completely overwhelmed these days. At one point I was starting to feel quite blue all of the time, but my music pulled me through. I am still more blue than is normal for me, but I am trying to stay optimistic.
* Some questions: How do most people do it? Do they think less and live more? How can you convince yourself that you are leading your life the right way, that you are not in a perpetual cycle of missed opportunities and wasted potential? Will my musical progress ever stop being bittersweet? Will my Type-A tendencies get the best of me and carry me through the long road to becoming a physician? And if so, would that lead to my fulfillment or to me burning out while trying to "have it all" (yet not achieving much)? Or can I break all the chains and lead an unscripted life? Will my creative and academic sides ever reach a truce? To be continued . . .
And so perhaps now that I've gotten all of that off my chest I can go back to the regularly scheduled program:
I thought that E major was evil. Naive little oboe student was I. Left handed D#/E-flat becomes quite easy after a while. I don't remember when it happened but I no longer worry about that note at all. What's kicking my butt all over town right now is the E-flat minor scale, in all its tasty varieties. The Marcello Adagio is also kicking my chop's butt. I play though it once and I am done for the day. What a pain in the embouchure!
One of the things I thought about this week was that I've been trying to keep the blog fairly impersonal, focusing mostly on music. I figured no one would want to read about my daily struggles outside of the practice room. But then I realized that this is part of why it's been hard to update it lately. Back when I was at the corporate job I had ample free time and a LOT of mental energy to devote to my music. I could easily come up with blog entries dealing with music and just music. That's not the case right now. I feel pretty inundated with everything going on and am unable to write about music on a daily basis. In order for that river to flow again I need to relieve myself of some of the things burdening me.
So what's been going on?
* Hmm, let's start with lite fare. One of the kittens has a new home. Our friend from church took her in. The kitten now has a big family which includes a 5 year old girl, an almost 2 year old boy, and a male puppy! They've named her Suzy.
* We've named the kitten we're keeping Cleo.
* My brother and my husband took their CPE tests last Wednesday. If my brother passes he will qualify to graduate and will be granted his Associates Degree (even though he has over 90 credits . . . long story). If my husband passes then he only has to take three more courses and he too will get his AA. I am more worried about how my brother fared as it was a retake for him and they only get 3 tries before the schools give them a hard time. He really needs to have something good happen to him so that he can use that as impetus to get things going in his life again. I feel like he's committing the same mistakes I made in my early 20's. I wish there was a way to protect him from it all but all along we've hurt him by not letting him fall and learn to pick himself back up.
* My sister-in-law (who lives with us and just turned 19) enlisted to join the Army and is leaving on January 3rd. I think the magnitude of this hasn't quite hit me yet as I am in denial. I have a hard time understanding her decision and seeing how it will be for the best. But I can't impose on her my vision of what her life should be. I guess all we can do is pray for her health and safety.
* Since August 5th, all of our parents are living in the Dominican Republic. This is the longest I've ever been away from my mother. It's been good and bad. There is so much tension (more on my end at this point) between my dad and me that though I miss her it's healthier for me to have him farther away. At this point, however, I am starting to miss him too. I wasn't quite ready for how much their retirement would upset my own life. Our Sundays were set in stone, now I feel that we are wandering around a bit lost ...
* ... now that we're on the subject of Sundays, we haven't gone to our church all month. I can't remember the last time I missed that many Masses in a row. I may have been 12 years old. There is all kinds of drama going on with our church band. Be careful what you wish for, indeed. I have never felt comfortable with the Mass I started attending 14 years ago. It's a Spanish Charismatic mass which means that it's a lot livelier than what I was used to. Over the years as I've gotten more and more involved with the music I seemed to forget about my initial unease and just rejoiced in the camaraderie. But for the past few months I've been feeling a noticeable void in my life. I've started to feel as though I have become spiritually barren. This makes sense since I have not actively worked on my spiritual side in many years. Add to this a recent meeting about music reform at our church, my husband's continual involvement with an artist who has frequent Sunday gigs, and my general sense of exhaustion/saturation and you get an ugly mixture. Tomorrow we met with our pastor regarding our absence and the future of our group and of that mass. I don't know what I want at this point, but I do know that I at least need some time off to examine my options without any pressure.
* Work is very intense. So intense, in fact, that I have no time to think about how intense it is until I get home feeling like an overripe fruit which splatted onto the ground. I thought this was what I wanted. Because I have indeed conquered procrastination in one fell swoop (at least at work). It is impossible to procrastinate when patients are waiting, phones are ringing, and doctors are paging you. I do admit that there is a certain rush to all this. But this constant sensation of rush and stress is unhealthy I fear. Were it to be better if I was higher up in the food chain? Or would the added responsibility make it unbearable?
* Despite my chronic fatigue (I think it's finally beginning to subside somewhat) I still find myself compelled to stay on this pre-med route. Without it my life seems to have no direction.
* Well, there is one exception to what I just wrote. Let's just say that it is pretty clear to me that my biological clock is ticking. So I find myself frequently daydreaming about a life full of diapers, play dates, and music.
* This is followed by daydreams of me actually doing something about my health. I've been feeling quite unhealthy lately and the desire to change that is slowly growing inside me. Perhaps it will gain enough momentum to actually lead me to make some healthy changes in my life. But who has time to fit working out into an already hectic schedule? And eating healthy requires SO much planning. And a lot of money.
* The next thought is that even if I were to get into perfect Mommy shape there is still a logistical problem to deal with. My husband's schedule right now is so hectic that sometimes three days go by where the only time we spend together is while we are sleeping.
* In spite of all this, I do still have my musical goals. And part of my problem is trying to figure out how to work out the rest of my life so that I can still attain said goal. Thank GOD for the oboe because though my motivation has been less than desired lately (maybe because I'm so tired!) I am convinced that it is the sole reason why I am managing to keep my sanity. I don't know if I've become a wimp or something, but for some reason I feel nearly completely overwhelmed these days. At one point I was starting to feel quite blue all of the time, but my music pulled me through. I am still more blue than is normal for me, but I am trying to stay optimistic.
* Some questions: How do most people do it? Do they think less and live more? How can you convince yourself that you are leading your life the right way, that you are not in a perpetual cycle of missed opportunities and wasted potential? Will my musical progress ever stop being bittersweet? Will my Type-A tendencies get the best of me and carry me through the long road to becoming a physician? And if so, would that lead to my fulfillment or to me burning out while trying to "have it all" (yet not achieving much)? Or can I break all the chains and lead an unscripted life? Will my creative and academic sides ever reach a truce? To be continued . . .
And so perhaps now that I've gotten all of that off my chest I can go back to the regularly scheduled program:
I thought that E major was evil. Naive little oboe student was I. Left handed D#/E-flat becomes quite easy after a while. I don't remember when it happened but I no longer worry about that note at all. What's kicking my butt all over town right now is the E-flat minor scale, in all its tasty varieties. The Marcello Adagio is also kicking my chop's butt. I play though it once and I am done for the day. What a pain in the embouchure!
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Rapture
Guess what I did today?????
For the first time ever, I played on an English Horn!!
Sometimes I forget why I am doing all this but today I got a sweet reminder. My first few notes were clumsy but then I relaxed and let the air work better and suddenly I was getting a decent sound out of it. My new friend also remembered that the reason I am playing oboe is because of "Swan of Tuonela" so she promptly placed the music for it in front of me and I played through about half of it. Then I played several other of my favorite excerpts. I didn't want to stop playing because it felt so wonderful.
I'd always worry that whenever I got to play EH that it would be a struggle. Instead if felt quite natural. And it was so,so satisfying to hear its unique sound coming out through me.
It was pure bliss. :-D
And now I know I am not doing all this in vain.
For the first time ever, I played on an English Horn!!
Sometimes I forget why I am doing all this but today I got a sweet reminder. My first few notes were clumsy but then I relaxed and let the air work better and suddenly I was getting a decent sound out of it. My new friend also remembered that the reason I am playing oboe is because of "Swan of Tuonela" so she promptly placed the music for it in front of me and I played through about half of it. Then I played several other of my favorite excerpts. I didn't want to stop playing because it felt so wonderful.
I'd always worry that whenever I got to play EH that it would be a struggle. Instead if felt quite natural. And it was so,so satisfying to hear its unique sound coming out through me.
It was pure bliss. :-D
And now I know I am not doing all this in vain.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
PrettySound
Hi!! I'm still here wading my way through Oboeland. In just a few short months I will have been playing for 2 years. I can hardly believe it. It's become such a big part of my life that I have a hard time remembering myself before it. If even today I sometimes feel aimless, how in the world was I managing before? When I had no real passion in life? Poor little me.
That all being said, for a few weeks it was looking as though things were going downhill. Thankfully I've managed to work myself out of the funk. At least for now. If there's one thing I've learned in playing this instrument (and I'm sure this applies to all others) is that the path will have many ups and downs, regardless of how far along the path you are. The trick, especially as an adult student, is to make sure you progress as much as you can during upswings so that you don't lose too much on the downswings.
After I started this job I was no longer able to keep weekly lessons with T. I am now working in the suburb where I live at which makes it harder to get into the City for things. J is even further away and I haven't seen in over a month now. Having two teachers has been mostly good but sometimes it can get complicated. Especially since I haven't found the right way to tell J about T. I think she wouldn't mind, but I don't want her to think that I've been seeing her less solely because of T. It's really been logistics more than anything. We had no place to meet at over the summer other than her place which is far from me. Then there's the whole reed issue. Their styles are somewhat different so I have to make them differently for each teacher. I am trying to see which ones work out the best for me, but have no definitive answer yet. Oh then there's also the question of what to play. J has me studying Corelli and T assigned me Marcello. I haven't touched the Corelli in weeks because it was the Marcello that I prepared for that audition. Now I am meeting J this weekend and I need to brush up on it. The good thing is that since the Marcello is more challenging, I am finding that the Corelli feels a lot easier.
Am I doing something wrong here in terms of the teacher thing? I am feeling some guilt about it because I am technically lying by omission. I guess I'm afraid of hurting fer feelings. What would you advise? I think I am going to have to mention something at this upcoming lesson. The main reason being that T and I have worked on vibrato quite a lot already and I was supposed to be learning it with J at my next lesson.
I mentioned last time (I think) that my high A has finally started to work for me. For whatever reason that was the note I was having the most trouble with on all accounts. I've always felt clumsy fingering it. The sound tended to be almost hollow sounding and kind of dead. And the intonation was consistently flat. One day while working on Marcello and paying a lot of attention to my breathing and support, I noticed that the A was coming out a lot better. The most striking thing was that it had acquired an unmistakably "singing" quality. In one swoop it went from being my worst note to (sometimes) being my best. The first time it happened it really caught me by surprise. I couldn't believe the sound had come from me. Even the feel of it was different from what it had been. It felt rich like creamy milk chocolate. It was such a gratifying feeling! Of course it tends to only happen when I am doing everything right: when I am paying attention to not bite, to keep my throat open, to support well, and to focus my airstream. I think this may have been what remotivated me. All along I've feared that I would never get to a point where I would sound like a "real" oboe. Having a note sound really beautiful like that made me hope that it could indeed happen. I kept working on it and was able to get a nice tone from other notes too every once in a while. I am not sure if all this is somehow related to the vibrato studies. I think they too have helped me focus on my breathing and phrasing.
At the end of my last lesson T gave me a little summary of how the lesson went (she realized that I really appreciate and need specific feedback). The thing that most struck me was when she said that the "pretty sound" has been coming out more and more often. BINGO! I really loved the term because I had been experiencing the phenomenon for a few days or weeks at home and didn't know quite how to explain. All I knew was that things were changing and that my sound seemed more consistent. I guess it's starting to mature. Weee! I don't want to get my hopes up too far or too quickly, but I am definitely excited about this. I don't know why I want this so badly, I just know that it would make me immensely happy to be able to make my instrument sound consistently beautiful. How did this happen? I would have never guessed that this would become my most heartfelt goal in life. *giggle*
And the other question is what would I then do once I get to that point? I underestimated how difficult it would be to find a suitable ensemble in this area. Sure there are lots of groups, but there are also tons of profesionally trained musicians. Groups are either superbly good or completely crappy. And the whole play-at-church thing is not working. In what, if any, denominations is chamber style music played as part of the service? Apparently my Church is trying to get back into Gregorian Chant. And the other ones around town are playing stuff that's more pop or jazz.
Anyway, I just wanted to write about PrettySound. I am sure that my oboe is thinking "Thank GOD that this girl is finally sounding better!" When I first got Luna I still sounded like absolute crap. A year later I was starting to sound better but a few seconds of PrettySound would only occur every few weeks or days. I think that now PrettySound usually pays a visit at least once per practice session. Hurrah! Oh, dear PrettySound, I love you! Please come back soon. And I hope that some day you come to stay forever. :-)
That all being said, for a few weeks it was looking as though things were going downhill. Thankfully I've managed to work myself out of the funk. At least for now. If there's one thing I've learned in playing this instrument (and I'm sure this applies to all others) is that the path will have many ups and downs, regardless of how far along the path you are. The trick, especially as an adult student, is to make sure you progress as much as you can during upswings so that you don't lose too much on the downswings.
After I started this job I was no longer able to keep weekly lessons with T. I am now working in the suburb where I live at which makes it harder to get into the City for things. J is even further away and I haven't seen in over a month now. Having two teachers has been mostly good but sometimes it can get complicated. Especially since I haven't found the right way to tell J about T. I think she wouldn't mind, but I don't want her to think that I've been seeing her less solely because of T. It's really been logistics more than anything. We had no place to meet at over the summer other than her place which is far from me. Then there's the whole reed issue. Their styles are somewhat different so I have to make them differently for each teacher. I am trying to see which ones work out the best for me, but have no definitive answer yet. Oh then there's also the question of what to play. J has me studying Corelli and T assigned me Marcello. I haven't touched the Corelli in weeks because it was the Marcello that I prepared for that audition. Now I am meeting J this weekend and I need to brush up on it. The good thing is that since the Marcello is more challenging, I am finding that the Corelli feels a lot easier.
Am I doing something wrong here in terms of the teacher thing? I am feeling some guilt about it because I am technically lying by omission. I guess I'm afraid of hurting fer feelings. What would you advise? I think I am going to have to mention something at this upcoming lesson. The main reason being that T and I have worked on vibrato quite a lot already and I was supposed to be learning it with J at my next lesson.
I mentioned last time (I think) that my high A has finally started to work for me. For whatever reason that was the note I was having the most trouble with on all accounts. I've always felt clumsy fingering it. The sound tended to be almost hollow sounding and kind of dead. And the intonation was consistently flat. One day while working on Marcello and paying a lot of attention to my breathing and support, I noticed that the A was coming out a lot better. The most striking thing was that it had acquired an unmistakably "singing" quality. In one swoop it went from being my worst note to (sometimes) being my best. The first time it happened it really caught me by surprise. I couldn't believe the sound had come from me. Even the feel of it was different from what it had been. It felt rich like creamy milk chocolate. It was such a gratifying feeling! Of course it tends to only happen when I am doing everything right: when I am paying attention to not bite, to keep my throat open, to support well, and to focus my airstream. I think this may have been what remotivated me. All along I've feared that I would never get to a point where I would sound like a "real" oboe. Having a note sound really beautiful like that made me hope that it could indeed happen. I kept working on it and was able to get a nice tone from other notes too every once in a while. I am not sure if all this is somehow related to the vibrato studies. I think they too have helped me focus on my breathing and phrasing.
At the end of my last lesson T gave me a little summary of how the lesson went (she realized that I really appreciate and need specific feedback). The thing that most struck me was when she said that the "pretty sound" has been coming out more and more often. BINGO! I really loved the term because I had been experiencing the phenomenon for a few days or weeks at home and didn't know quite how to explain. All I knew was that things were changing and that my sound seemed more consistent. I guess it's starting to mature. Weee! I don't want to get my hopes up too far or too quickly, but I am definitely excited about this. I don't know why I want this so badly, I just know that it would make me immensely happy to be able to make my instrument sound consistently beautiful. How did this happen? I would have never guessed that this would become my most heartfelt goal in life. *giggle*
And the other question is what would I then do once I get to that point? I underestimated how difficult it would be to find a suitable ensemble in this area. Sure there are lots of groups, but there are also tons of profesionally trained musicians. Groups are either superbly good or completely crappy. And the whole play-at-church thing is not working. In what, if any, denominations is chamber style music played as part of the service? Apparently my Church is trying to get back into Gregorian Chant. And the other ones around town are playing stuff that's more pop or jazz.
Anyway, I just wanted to write about PrettySound. I am sure that my oboe is thinking "Thank GOD that this girl is finally sounding better!" When I first got Luna I still sounded like absolute crap. A year later I was starting to sound better but a few seconds of PrettySound would only occur every few weeks or days. I think that now PrettySound usually pays a visit at least once per practice session. Hurrah! Oh, dear PrettySound, I love you! Please come back soon. And I hope that some day you come to stay forever. :-)
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Cats!
As promised here are some cute kittens. They love to play around the pile of music I have in the basement. If you look closely there's my original copy of the Corelli:
There are three kittens total:
Here's the Mommy. She was our friendly neighborhood stray. We used to feed her so she was comfortable with us and allowed me to move the kittens indoors. I couldn't bear the thought of them being cold and wet outside. Also one of our neighbors threatened to call the pound on them.
She's actually a very good cat. Very friendly and docile. She likes to meow a lot which is cute. She also took to her litter and scratching post immediately. And she even likes to play music sometimes:
Watch out, Schoenberg!
There are three kittens total:
Here's the Mommy. She was our friendly neighborhood stray. We used to feed her so she was comfortable with us and allowed me to move the kittens indoors. I couldn't bear the thought of them being cold and wet outside. Also one of our neighbors threatened to call the pound on them.
She's actually a very good cat. Very friendly and docile. She likes to meow a lot which is cute. She also took to her litter and scratching post immediately. And she even likes to play music sometimes:
Watch out, Schoenberg!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Hi! I'm Chucky. Wanna play??
For me the hardest part about being an adult learner is not having any one else to play with. I don't quite understand why playing with others is so important to me. It's not that I don't enjoy playing by myself. I guess it's that I know it would be so much more fun to make music with others.
I meant to make this post last weekend because I had a particularly bad music week. Recall that last Monday (not this one that just passed) I was sad because I realized I would have been going to my first Wind Ensemble rehearsal had I gotten in. Then comes my clarinetist friend to the rescue! Our trumpet player friend (of annoying concert fame) was getting married this Saturday and all his musician friends wanted to play at the wedding. Clarinetist told me he'd tell the "director" to write a part in for me. There was to be a rehearsal the day before but that was the day of the farewell dinner for the girl I replaced at work. Clarinetist said I could just sight read the part at the wedding. Fine.
So we drive 1.5 hours into Connecticut with Luna the Oboe in tow. I was speeding to make sure I got there early enough to read through my parts a few times. I can't even explain my dismay when I get there to find out that "director" decided not to include me after all since I didn't make it to rehearsal. Pfffft! I sat there and pouted throughout the entire ceremony. How irreverent of me. I then proceeded to get quite tipsy (on wine) at the reception. That was kind of fun while it lasted. When I got home I slept like a log.
The following day (last Sunday) was supposed to be the first meeting of the "New York Amateur Chamber Music Players Group". I had signed up at meetup.com and expressed my interest in chamber music. A few weeks ago someone finally organized and official group and set up a meeting for the 17th. Thankfully I hadn't gotten my hopes up too high because the founder of the group is MIA and the meeting did not occur.
And so another Monday came and went as I wallowed deeper and deeper in self-pity. I started feeling like an ugly doll that nobody wanted. Oh yeah, and I was PMSing too.
Luckily, Fr. D saved the day. We met up on Thursday to play our duets and had a ton of fun! I'm also set to meet T again next week and hopefully she can get me back on track. I think I'm almost out of the post-audition blues. Hopefully she will give me new stuff to work on or at least help me organize my practice time better. Hmm, I may even work on a reed or two this weekend!
Well I don't want this post to be entirely sad so here's a pic of the cute kittens living in my basement:
I meant to make this post last weekend because I had a particularly bad music week. Recall that last Monday (not this one that just passed) I was sad because I realized I would have been going to my first Wind Ensemble rehearsal had I gotten in. Then comes my clarinetist friend to the rescue! Our trumpet player friend (of annoying concert fame) was getting married this Saturday and all his musician friends wanted to play at the wedding. Clarinetist told me he'd tell the "director" to write a part in for me. There was to be a rehearsal the day before but that was the day of the farewell dinner for the girl I replaced at work. Clarinetist said I could just sight read the part at the wedding. Fine.
So we drive 1.5 hours into Connecticut with Luna the Oboe in tow. I was speeding to make sure I got there early enough to read through my parts a few times. I can't even explain my dismay when I get there to find out that "director" decided not to include me after all since I didn't make it to rehearsal. Pfffft! I sat there and pouted throughout the entire ceremony. How irreverent of me. I then proceeded to get quite tipsy (on wine) at the reception. That was kind of fun while it lasted. When I got home I slept like a log.
The following day (last Sunday) was supposed to be the first meeting of the "New York Amateur Chamber Music Players Group". I had signed up at meetup.com and expressed my interest in chamber music. A few weeks ago someone finally organized and official group and set up a meeting for the 17th. Thankfully I hadn't gotten my hopes up too high because the founder of the group is MIA and the meeting did not occur.
And so another Monday came and went as I wallowed deeper and deeper in self-pity. I started feeling like an ugly doll that nobody wanted. Oh yeah, and I was PMSing too.
Luckily, Fr. D saved the day. We met up on Thursday to play our duets and had a ton of fun! I'm also set to meet T again next week and hopefully she can get me back on track. I think I'm almost out of the post-audition blues. Hopefully she will give me new stuff to work on or at least help me organize my practice time better. Hmm, I may even work on a reed or two this weekend!
Well I don't want this post to be entirely sad so here's a pic of the cute kittens living in my basement:
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