Lessons learned

I realized that using just the date as my title is redundant since the editor already dates the entries. So I guess I'll try to come up with something creative again. Oh, the pressure!

I had my lesson today and overall I'd say it went quite well. My last few had not been entirely good. I felt as though I was frustrating my teacher. I tend to regress during my music lessons and act like an adolescent. I can't help it. It's like I'm watching myself do it but can't stop it. Maybe subconsciously I am acting that way to make up for having missed out on the whole music experience as a child. That would be pretty pathetic. Today I resisted the temptation to do anything childish like whine, make excuses, be overly nervous and jittery, etc.

Today there were only two minor incidents. Both because I used the word "weird" to describe something about my playing which I didn't like. She wanted me to be very specific (e.g. What about my high E's was I not satisfied with? They used to have a closed, muted sound.)

As usual we go over reed stuff first. I won't bore folks with reed details but I'll mention that I've been too heavy handed with the knife. So she went over a modified grasp using only three fingers that will force me to have a lighter touch. I didn't really have a reed to show today because I killed the one I was working on (tore the tip).

Next we worked on the reed alone exercise and then scales. She was excited that I had indeed made progress with my embouchure. I was so relieved. If I had had to hear her tell me one more time that I need to commit to the new embouchure I think I would have cried. It's been lots of months of hard work to try to change my embouchure so I am so happy that it's finally showing. And sounding - my tone quality definitely has changed for the better as I've adopted a more circular embouchure. She said that it seems that now I am just putting the finishing touches on it. WOOT!

In terms of my scales and etudes she noted improved intonation on all of them and said that I don't have any technical issues, that what I need to work on now is "line". I must pay more attention to the air and dynamics and phrasing issues now that I am getting a better hang of the basics. I knew that was coming because I was feeling that my playing was not quite as musical as it should be, what surprised me was the comment about not having technical issues. I've had this notion since childhood that technique is the difficult part of music. I'd listen or watch pianist play difficult pieces and what would amaze me was the physical aspect of it. How can they move their fingers so quickly? How do they always hit the right note? But as I got more and more involved in the musical world it always seemed that the professionals would never count technique as the hard thing, they'd say that expression is harder and more important. I always found this odd or counter-intuitive for some reason. I guess since I've always looked for precision and "perfection" in the things I do, I was sort of thinking that same in terms of music. When I played the sax the only exercise my first teacher would give me was scales. Every week he wanted to hear them faster and more precise. I think I have translated that to my oboe studies. Obviously I've had a lot of sound production issues since the oboe is a whole different beast, but I *have* been focusing a lot on technical things because I was still thinking that it is what divides the beginners from the more advanced students. But now I see that technique is not everything. What good is perfect technique if your playing is lifeless and doesn't say anything? Very interesting thing to think about. I definitely need to dwell on it some more.

I am not sure why she made the technique comment since I still feel so inadequate. A lot of my intervals are not exactly in tune or are messy. My scales are not always even. Maybe my fingers look funny as I play. But I guess what she means is that compared to everything else, all that should be the least of my worries. Perhaps, after all, some of the sax playing HAS been useful to me in my switch to the oboe. Weird. (Oops, there's that word again. I think it had officially become my most overused word.)

I'll still focus on technique because you can't play beautifully without it. But I *will* start thinking more about the other things. Those things I was taking for granted but which I see now are the TRUE measures of "goodness" (hehe, not sure I will refer to my playing as "greatness" any time soon).

At the end of the lesson she assured me that if I stay focused how I've been that I will conquer all the basics and that then we can work on my repertoire and playing lots of music. She even said that playing with others is in the horizon. It sounded like I can think about being in smallish groups some time this year!! YAY!!! Maybe I *will* audition for the Wind Ensemble in the fall. *does a little dance*

Well, I am off to write out a schedule for myself for the next few months. Things are going to get really crazy really fast for me and I have to ensure that I will still have at least an hour for my oboe. Hopefully when the semester is over I can finally go up to two.

January 19, 2006

In typical me fashion I procrastinated about the whole career decision to the point where I almost missed out being able to apply this year. The school set up an arbitrary deadline of 5PM today for you to submit a ton of paperwork to the Dean, including 6 essays (one of which was to descibe why you chose the field you are going into). Well, silly little me hadn't started any of the essays (not even the ones I COULD have started) because I was too busy being confused/overwhelmed/scared by the decision. When I went in to speak with my advisor on Tuesday I figured she would tell me that I had to wait it out anyway in order to be sure of my decision. But that's not what she said. She told me she expected my stuff in by the deadline. That was less than 48 hours away!

At 4:59 today I handed all my paperwork in, including 18 pages of essays. Ouch my aching head!

This is only the beginning of a whole year of craziness for me. I am trying hard not to freak out. I went from being confused and living day to day to being a med school applicant. Suddenly there is a LONG list of things that need to get done during the course of the year. Scary things!

I will need strength from God in order to manage my time well. The only way I will be able to do all this and still be able to play my oboe is if I take control of my life and my time. I have to stop procrastinating and I need to stay on top of everything.

Anyway, here is part of a quick note I wrote to my teacher today. We should be meeting on Sunday for my next lesson.

I was unable to practice last night because of the writing, but the night before I practiced for a little over an hour. I'm starting to understand how it is that serious players practice many hours a day. Sometimes I feel like I've done nothing but long tones and some scales when the hour is up. If I wanted to also practice my repertoire I really need two hours minimum.

On Tuesday I ended up doing arpeggios in the key of C after my usual warm up. I hadn't seriously worked on them before because my intervals were just way too dirty. Now they are ok enough to not hurt my ears. It was quite a challenging exercise! I had about 20 minutes left to practice my Jacob pieces before my mouth got overly tired. Your reed is still working wonderfully for me, but my two reeds are hit or miss.

I am about to go down now to practice. I'm thinking of working on some technical etudes today (maybe from the Sellner book) and maybe devote some more time to the pieces.

If only I had 2 or 3 extra hours each day :-)

A decision

Might it really be over? The career dilemma of the millennium? I wonder this as I sit here typing my "why medicine?" essay for my advisor . . .

Remember when you were younger and you were starting to fall "in love" with someone? At first you'd deny it to yourself. Other would start to notice but you'd deny it to them too. You would try to talk yourself out of it, finding countless faults in your object of interest. This would go on for a while until eventually you'd be unavailable to contain yourself and would submit to the forces of love. My career decision journey has been very similar to this. I think I am finally ready to take things to the next level.

Rock star!

Who would have thought that one day I'd be a rock star???



The Spanish rock/pop band I've been rehearsing with (as back-up vocalist) since October *finally* made its debut. It was very strange being onstage as a singer and not an instrumentalist. I felt a bit uncomfortable because I am more at home being in the back actually making the music. Thankfully I remembered my days as a ballet dancer and remembered to smile and interact with the audience as much as a shy person could. I'm not particularly shy face-to-face, but I did feel weird being the only girl in the band. It's not like I'm a sex symbol. I am a nerd at heart and felt uncomfortable that I would get the wrong kind of attention. I was hoping that folks would see me as a serious member of the band, not just there to be looked at. For the most part I think that's how I was perceived. Not showing much skin helped.

Anyway, don't think that I'm really a singer. I have no true vocal technique. The only reason I can sort of fake this is because it's in a pop style not too dissimilar from what is used at my church (at which I've been singing for over 10 years). From the beginning the lead singer was more interested in someone who could harmonize and stay in tune than someone with a huge, powerful voice. I can make myself blend easily. Last night the sound engineers worked wonders for my weak little voice. He made me sound as loud as the lead singer. Woohoo!

I hadn't been in a club in years. Probably since my las gig as a saxophonist in 2000. Gosh did I feel old and frumpy last night. And chubby (to not use the "F" word). Most girls there looked like models. I tried not to dwell on it too much before we went up on stage, but I was definitely more than a bit self conscious up there. After we played we stayed for a little while and I kept wondering where my youth went. I can't help but lament for the times that have passed. It's not to say that I am not happy now. In fact, I am the happiest I've ever been. But I do wish I had had more fun when I was younger. Especially back when I had that size 6 body. *sigh*

I had a nice oboe session tonight. It was only an hour but I focused mostly on long tones and sound. I am starting to feel a lot more comfortable with my embouchure. It's a lot more circular than it used to be. I hope that my teacher sees improvement in it this time. I think it has to be better because my intonation has been consistently better too. Even my high A sounded ok tonight! I ended up making a tiny adjustment to one of the little screws that seemed to help things (my side octave key didn't seem to be completely overriding the regular one). I hope to play more music in my upcoming sessions.

Still alive!

Hey! I'm still here and still practicing every day, though not always getting the full hour in this week. The program I'm in will be over tomorrow and then I should have time to update more frequently again.

I had two bad days of practice earlier this week. I think this was because I had a BAD fight with my father on Sunday. It was so bad that I had physical symptoms of rage and everything and then felt ill/tired for the next two days. On those two days my practicing seemed to go back but I did it anyway. Luckily last night things were back on the upswing. My embouchure is feeling more confident and my intonation was good. Even that high A was sounding better. Yay!

Is it normal for your emotional state to affect your playing?

I'm not tone deaf!

Hahaha! I had fun doing this test I found on Patty's site.

The results are in. I'm not tone deaf. :-p


Hearing Test Results
You correctly identified 26 tunes (out of 26) on the Distorted Tunes Test. Congratulations! You have a fine sense of pitch.

Thank you for taking the Distorted Tunes Test. More information about the the NIDCD's research into tone deafness is available from Dr. Dennis T. Drayna's web page.

As I was taking the quiz I was asking myself "are there really tone-deaf people?" It's not an entirely facetious question. Music has always been such an important part in my life and I have always been able to hear it well. I have never really stopped to think what it would be like to not be able to understand pitches at all. I read up on it a bit and while the term "tone-deaf" is used casually to refer to those with no musical training (and little talent) there really is a medical condition that prohibits some from hearing differences in pitch. These people can not appreciate music. How terribly sad. :(

High A

Been running around a lot but I've still managed to play both yesterday and today. Yesterday I didn't get home until 11:30 PM and that's when I ended up practicing. My neighbors must love me!

Today I practiced before leaving for my friend's house. I got another hour plus in. Oh, and I also discovered that I have been doing something wrong all along. I had been trying to finger high A using BOTH the side octave and the regular octave key. I remember this coming up with my first teacher and I could swear that he said it was ok to use both. But maybe he meant either, not both at the same time. Anyway, my high A's have ALWAYS given me a hard time. Not just pitch wise. They always sounded completely wild. Airy, raspy, gurgly, you name it. It never sounded like a normal oboe note. No wonder!!

Wow, if I can get that note to speak normally from now on it will be a whole new chapter for me. It hadn't really come up in my lessons with my new teacher because I rarely play in the higher register with her. We've been focusing on fixing my embouchure and sound and usually stay in the low register. At home when I'd play music for fun I would always avoid the note.

I read up in 4 different books that the A is normally fingered with the side octave key only but can also be fingered with the regular one. All of the books said you should never use both at the same time. I hope I haven't damaged the mechanism somehow by doing this. I really need to take it in for a re-adjustment anyway. I have a feeling something is not right up there because the A doesn't really speak with the side octave key, only with the regular one.

I feel so silly now!

Day 3

Ok so today I practiced a little over an hour. Well, I was downstairs for about 80 minutes, but I'd say maybe 60 tops was playing. When people count practice time do they count the few minutes in between things while you think about what you just did or what you will be doing next?

Tonight I did feel my chops start tiring at around 30 minutes and by the hour mark I could barely make the embouchure anymore so I stopped. Am I practicing enough at this point? Or am I practicing too much for a beginner embouchure?

Tonight I did long tones, crescendo/decrescendo long tones, and some octaves again. Then I did scales for about half of my practice time. I tried to get them to be in tune and smoother/even. I tried both your suggestions. I think I am getting better at starting in one motion. I am also trying hard to start with the narrowest embouchure possible. It's easier when I start practicing and am fresh and only doing one note at a time. As I do more notes and get more tired I have to fight the smiling tendency more and more.

I worked on the Jacob pieces some more. My favorite one is the Air at the end. I also played through the Scherzetto some tonight. I am getting somewhere near the ballpark of the marked tempo.

Tonight I had trouble with my side octave A again. I really do feel sometimes that it's something with the instrument. It was coming out quite fine at first then it started gurgling. I did have some water in the tiny key at the very top (the one operated by the side octave key) so I figured it was just that. But when I played again it was still coming out gurgly/fluttery. I tried blowing harder, blowing softer, super open embouchure, pinched, everything and it was still acting funny. I changed reeds and still had the same problem. I decided to just keep playing and avoid that note as much as possible. Then at one point I thought I felt something sort of click and then it was sounding sort of ok again. Perhaps something is out of adjustment? Is there anything else I can try before taking it to the shop?

Ok, good night!

January 4, 2006

Howdy!

I started practicing a bit later than I intended because a friend called and we talked for an hour. So I ended up only getting in 45 minutes.

I played on one of my reeds tonight (the first one you worked on - the one with the too thin tip and the heavy heart). It wasn't flat tonight. The only issue I had with it was the low C not responding very well.

I started with long tones again tonight, focusing mostly on not biting and intonation. Though I still have a ways to go in terms of being consistent with intonation and embouchure I feel that I've definitely made progress from where I was a few months ago. My playing is a lot more in tune.

I worked on the middle E and F and side octave A again (strong air!), and also on the C-D change exercise which you suggested. The nice thing about focusing on little things is that you can see improvement quickly. For instance I was working on a C scale before doing that exercise and it felt clumsy at the register break. After I did C-D-C-D for a few minutes I went back to the scale and it was smoother. Voila! Now I just need to do that with all the other pesky intervals every day for a few years! *giggle*

The rest of the time I worked on scales (eigth notes at 80 - did C, F, G, and D major several times each).

I definitely wanted to play more tonight but I have to go to bed now because of my commute to Newark. I was in good spirits tonight while I practiced. It didn't feel tedious even though I didn't play any real music.

Ok, good night!

January 3, 2006

Ok so I went down to my basement to practice for about 75 minutes
tonight.

The first thing I usually do is try a few reeds to see how they're
faring. The two that I started and you worked on yesterday were
both a tiny bit hard today and somewhat flat. Your reed was great
so I stayed with that one and didn't go back to the others (I'll
try to break them in some later this week).

I did some long tones mostly in the lower register but also tried
the higher E, F, and G (the notes that were sounding kind of weak
yesterday). The G was ok from the get-go but the E and F took a
while to start opening up. I have to think about the egg in my
mouth again in order to get those to not sound muffled.

I didn't do any real scales tonight but instead worked on some
technical exercises from an old book I had lying around (Tunes for
Oboe Technic). They were easy tunes but I wanted to play something
more musical now that I had a nice reed.

I did the octave exercise you gave me at our other lesson in between
the tunes. And other similar exercises I found on the web (for
register changes/octaves).

I worked on my two Sellner exercises a bit also (#7 on page 11 and
#7 on page 15). I also worked on the Siciliano and Air Jacob
pieces. Did I leave my music on your stand? I ended up playing
from the piano accompaniment sheet music I had at home.

I think that was it. I wasn't particularly intense in terms of
technique tonight but I did try to zero in on my chops as much as I
could and also tried to focus on strong air. I'd say it was a nice
practice because it left me wanting to keep playing (but my mouth
was too tired!).

Self-fulfilling prophecies

So I had my lesson last night at my teacher's apartment. It was my first time going there since we had always met either at the school where she teaches or more recently at a practice room at my school. For some reason that made me nervous as did the fact that I hadn't practiced as regularly as I would have liked since our last lesson. Oh, and I also managed to crack one of the three reeds I had been working on!

We ended up spending most of our time on reeds which is fine since I was in my reed slump of 2005. Turns out that one of the reeds I worked on had a tip that was almost too thin (compared to the overly thick heart I left behind it). Woohoo! An almost too thin tip is sort of an improvement since I never got close to taking off enough from the tip before. That was the reed that had a decent sound but was flat. She was able to balance it out by scraping the heart down some and clipping the tip (she also had to bring the tip back somewhat). The other reed was, as usual, not finished enough. I also bought one of her reeds so tonight I should have at least three decent sounding reeds. Let's see what happens.

I was dismayed when she confirmed that I was *STILL* reverting to a bit of a smiley embouchure. In fact I was doing all sorts of funny things with my mouth. I think that now I am so aware and nervous about doing it right that I move my mouth into like 100 different positions before I even make a sound. Every time that she forced me to just set the position once and play immediately I would actually do it right. The less worked up I got about it, the better it was. UGH. Point is that I can now form a correct embouchure. Now I have to build up my chops so that it stays correct. And I need to R-E-L-A-X.

The other problem (ok maybe I should call it "area of improvement") was air speed. This is a new one. Well, not new in the sense that it wasn't around but new because we hadn't gotten around to that one yet. So I guess that's progress too. Eventually I calmed down enough to form a decent embouchure but then I was getting some weak sounding notes. I thought it was something with my fingers but my teacher pointed out that it was lazy air (and she was right). I had been having trouble with E and F up in the middle and the high A. It dawned on me that the air problem was more broad. For instance, some times when I play real music (as opposed to exercises) I get a feeling that I am sounding "unmusical". Perhaps this stems from my air deficiency. There was a bar in the piece I played last night that never came out how I wanted. It had a register change which I think I usually backed off from so that it always sounded insecure. When I played it with "warm, beautiful" air as my teacher suggested it finally came out how I had been feeling it. She suggested I work on some of the intervals that were giving me a hard time. I am going to try to work those types of technical exercises into my embouchure regimen somehow. The only way that my lessons will progress is if I commit to getting these basics down.

I just realized that I am so afraid of never blossoming into that player I want to become that I may be sabotaging my efforts! Like I think in my head "I am always going to suck. I am going to play this wrong" and then I do and then I say "See, I suck". I am trying to deprogram myself from that mentality lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I *know* I can do this if I just let what's inside come through (and remain focused and disciplined). The only way that I will get to where I want to be is by diligent practice. Nothing else. I need to just stop with all the silly mind games already.

I think my teacher picked up on my funky mood last night because when I got home today she had emailed me about the lesson and she happened to mention that she wished we had had more time to actually play. It's so funny because last night after my lesson I kept daydreaming about the day when I'd go in and play beautiful music for an hour. She wants me to send her a daily email about my oboe activities/questions so that I can get help from her in between our lessons. I think she sensed that I tend to talk talk talk during lessons because she's the only other oboist I know in real life. So hopefully if I can get things out during our emails then we'll have more time to play during lessons. Sounds good to me! Plus now I will be accountable for my practicing every day. *gulp*

Maybe I will copy my emails to her into the blog for a while because I'd like to keep a record of them. Even before she suggested this I was thinking of keeping a daily account of my oboe activities anyway. This will force me to do it.

Hope everyone is having good practice sessions/rehearsals!

Last day of vacation

Before I forget: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful time and that this year will bring all much health and happiness.

Here is a funny video of our grand entrance on New Year's Eve. My mom wanted us to arrive at my cousin's singing traditional holiday tunes. Keep in mind that most of my family is tone deaf though: Video (will probably take a long time to load).

So my lesson it today finally. Between the two of us I think we got it rescheduled about 3 times. I was supposed to bring in 3 new reeds, but I managed to crack one in half again. I need to learn to channel my frustration elsewhere while I am reed making LOL! The other two that managed to survive are so-so. One has an ok sound but is flat. I am always afraid to keep working on them and ruin them. I know I should probably clip it some but the tip is already so thin that I am scared.

I am a bit nervous about my lesson because my practicing was all over the place during the month of December. I've done better the last week but I'm hoping that I won't be noticeably worse than last lesson. Also, my husband and sister-in-law will have to come to the lesson with me because we have rock band rehearsal right after it. I did tell you all I'm singing backup in a Spanish rock band, right? I have to try to get a picture of that!

So today is sort of my last day of vacation. Starting tomorrow I will have to commute to downtown Newark every weekday for 2 weeks to attend the "Gateway to Dentistry" program. I am *PRAYING* that my participation in the program will clear my mind up one way or another regarding the profession. The program is over on the 13th and classes start the following week. So technically I do have one more lazy Monday, but for some reason I have a feeling it will be hectic as hell. C'est la vie.

A bit of a slump

Soon as I posted all my wonderful goals for my second year of oboe playing I ran into a week of finals and then a nasty slump (or was the slump a result of the week of finals). During the finals craziness I was unable to practice every day and when I did I could only go for about 30 minutes or so. I think I was too stressed out perhaps. Then once finals were over I felt too tired to "work" on practicing. Plus I had fallen out of habit and it felt a bit like starting over again.

So the last two weeks were hit or miss until tonight when I finally forced myself (with the help of the hubby) to resume my old practice habits. I got a good hour plus in and was feeling so much better by the end of it. My sound didn't suffer tremendously from the craziness of the last few weeks but my fingers did feel a bit stiff and my embouchure tired easily. Maybe in a way this is a good thing. Maybe I will finally forget my old, wrong, smiley embouchure.

I've tried to keep a positive outlook regarding reeds but I feel that I must mention them as being at least partly at fault for my slump. I don't have a single good reed right now! I had been using one that my teacher made me in October and it is now officially dead. I should take a picture of it, it's pretty funny. It kept playing even though it was almost completely frayed. The ones that I started are all mediocre even though my teacher helped me finish them off. I think I was supposed to make further adjustments. Or perhaps I am tying them wrong. Today I ended up resurrecting my previous "wonder" reed. It has problems with some of the low notes and with the high A, but most everything else sounds nice and in tune. If I had had a nice reed during the last few weeks practicing could have been a nice outlet for me. I could have gone downstairs and just played a few tunes and called it a day. However, I knew that I had to contend with 10 bad reeds. How much fun is that when you're worried about synthesizing alkyl halides or transcription errors? I think I avoided the instrument partly because of the reed problem. Because I knew I would get frustrated which is exactly what happened each time I played. Our instrument is sooooooo beautiful when the reed just does what it's supposed to do. Why can't they all be wonder reeds?? *sniff sniff*

But anyway, now that I am no longer stressed out I was able to be more positive again and I tackled my fear and faced it and it wasn't half bad. Yes, I still have no good reeds, but I am still able to get some practicing in until I meet with my teacher on Saturday.

So guess what I will be doing tonight while I watch House?? Ding, ding, ding, 10 points for you if you guessed that I'll be tying new reeds.

Serenade

I heard something I really liked on Monday night as I was driving home from one of my finals. It was Dvorak's "Serenade for Winds in d, opus 44". Simply amazing!

I am really startig to think that it might actually be better to play in a smallish ensemble than in a big orchestra. I mean I would still love to play a symphony but there is so much out there for smaller ensembles, pieces which really showcase all the instruments and which sound like a lot of fun to play.

Someday! I've been bad bad bad with my practicing because of finals. I need to get back on track!

But first I must catch up on sleep. I've gotten around 16 hours for the last 4 nights combined.

Oboe anniversary

December was usually a busy month at work as all the client teams were involved in year-end processing. In spite of all the work I had, I remembering running out of work early on this day last year. I *had* to get to Greenwich before 6 and the weather was a bit crazy that day. A few weeks before this I had decided I would try out an oboe and had finally found a place that had one. My oboe was waiting for me at Greenwich Music so long as I got there by 6.

I did get there on time and so I drove the rest of the way home with an old Selmer oboe (and two store bought reeds) as my passenger(s). I had downloaded a little "how to play the oboe" book from the Fox website and it was what helped me take those first steps.

I played three notes that day: B, A, and G, all of which were horrendously out of tune and all of which sounded like a cross between a bagpipe, a kazoo, and a goose. I was undeterred, however, and with those three notes I began a wonderful new journey.

When I told my friends I was thinking of playing oboe most of them warned me of all the hardships that lay ahead. Because of the dire warnings, I had very low expectations. I figured it would be years before I could even play scales. And maybe 10-20 years to play in an orchestral setting. It's a wonder I took up the instrument at all, me being as impatient as I am. But for whatever reason it passed the trial and since December 9, 2004 there has not been a day that I have not at least thought about the oboe.

So today I've been playing oboe for a year and I'm happy to report that things are going much better than I initially expected. Though I only played 3 notes that first day within a month I was playing almost two octaves. I was able to start on scales within months, not years. I still need to work on even-ing out the sound of my scales (oboes have some notes that can sound pretty funky if you're not careful) but as of right now they are pretty much in tune and decently clean. I've been practicing scales with up to 4 flats or sharps. With the help of my new teacher, I've learned a lot about reed making (though I'm not completely independent yet) and have been working hard on correcting my embouchure. My sound has definitely progressed to something more oboe-like. Every once in a while I'll be playing something and it actually sounds nice. That's the best feeling in the world!

I've already started playing with some friends who play other woodwinds and I no longer think it will take 10-20 years to play in a community orchestra. Maybe just 5. I should also mention that I eventually bought my very own Lorée oboe.

I am pumped because though the going has felt slow on a day to day basis I see now that I have advanced pretty nicely this year.

For the coming year these are my goals:
* To finally nail the correct embouchure consistently.
* To practice more consistently and for longer periods of time. I averaged an hour a day every day this year but I know that I can do way better. There were probably only 20 days or so during the entire year where I didn't practice at all. I want that total to be less than 10 for next year. Also I want to bring up my practice time to two hours a day minimum.
* To work on all scales: adding the ones with 5-7 accidentals, working more on minor scales, and doing arpeggios. I need to work on an even tone in all registers and on consistent intonation. I also need to work on speeding things up.
* To work on dynamics and articulation.
* To start working on some of the easy pieces from the standard oboe repertoire.
* To get close to being independent with reed making (hopefully my teacher will only need to make minor adjustments to the reed I bring in).
* To attend a Summer chamber music festival (I'm applying to applehill).
* To perform with my friends (as a duo, trio, or quartet) at small functions.
* I may even audition for the Wind Ensemble next September depending on how I am sounding by then. They only have 1 oboe right now!

So there you have it. A recap of my first year as an oboist. I am even more passionate about it than when I first started and an ever thankful for finally finding my life's love.

Guess who's going to the movies tonight!

I'm a Ravenclaw!

Early morning update

On Thursday I went to Carnegie Hall. Remember those tickets I bought back when I was still employed? The Chicago Symphony was in town to play Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante (the wind one) and Bruckner's 5th Symphony. I hadn't ever heard the Bruckner, but the Mozart (but was it really his?) is one of my favorite pieces ever. I've probably already written this a few times but here goes. I got my "I must play in an orchestra before I die" bug around this time last year. I needed to pick up a new instrument and figured I'd stay in the woodwind family. I immediately eliminated the flute because I had never been able to produce sound on it and I had heard that bassoons were really expensive (plus they looked so big) so I eliminated that too. I was familiar with the clarinet since I had one at home, but I was vaguely aware that there was one other instrument. Oh yeah, the oboe. By this time I had already fallen in love with the sound of the English Horn and was slowly starting to listen to more oboe music too. At first I couldn't really distinguish it well so I ended up listening to a lot of Baroque oboe concertos. However, I didn't immediately warm up to the Baroque sound and almost got completely turned off by it. Anyway, so around one year ago I looked through my Classical CD collection to see if I had anything featuring an oboe. I had interned at Sony many years ago and they gave out free CDs. No one ever picked up the Classical ones so by the end of the Summer I had over 100! The only thing featuring an oboe was a CD of Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante. I loved the piece from the get go. It was so lively yet delicate. Since it also features a clarinet, I couldn't always tell it apart from the oboe at first, but with time I was better able to distinguish the sound. I think I listened to that piece every single day last November in order to decide which instrument I'd play. I would always enjoy the clarinet lines, but once the oboe came in it would feel like I was being bathed in sunlight (by the way, it's John de Lancie on my recording). Though I didn't make my official decision until after some trial lessons, this piece was just as pivotal to me as the Swan of Tuonela. So when I saw that it was going to be played at Carnegie, I had to see it.

Boy was I in for a surprise. Of course I assumed that the Chicago Symphony would be good. But guess who was the oboe soloist?????? Alex Klein!!

I guess I should have known. The thought did cross my mind at some point but I wasn't sure if he was still affiliated with them at all. I got there early and was reading the program and when I saw his name my excitement rose to fever pitch. I wanted to tell everyone around me "OMG, Alex Klein is going to play this!". That's when I regretted buying the cheap ass tickets I got (and forgetting my binoculars). Oh well.

Sooooo the performance ended up being extra special because he is indeed a fantabulous player. Hehe, I even made up a word. I couldn't find absolutely any fault in his playing. His intonation was absolutely perfect. Even on that one really high note near the end of the piece. His sound was very beautiful though they were all playing in that sort of bright, Mozart style. What impressed me the most was his expression. Sometimes when you get so used to a specific recording you can't immediately appreciate a different interpretation. I was initially worried about that, but my worries were unfounded. I am still a complete novice at phrasing, etc. but know that I play a little better I guess I have more concrete ideas about how I feel the lines. His interpretation of them was very gratifying to me. I was expecting him to play it kind of strictly but he seemed to have a lot of fun with it and was way more expressive. For example on the kind of hairy part in the first movement (the part that's in minor and in sixteenth notes I believe) he started it off with just the slightest bit of rubato. Not sure how to explain this well, it was as though he very slightly elongated the very first note of that phrase. It was so great because it gave it tension and a lot of momentum. Ahh I had such a wonderful time (even though the conductor tended to rush a lot of the horn solos). What a wonderful and memorable rendition. I feel so lucky to have had a chance to hear him play.

I won't talk much about the Bruckner well because I went in not knowing anything about it and I feel the same way even after having listened to it. I had only gotten 2 hours of sleep the night before so maybe that hampered the experience for me. All I remember is that it was pretty long. Mahler is long, but I've really enjoyed his music. I think I need to listen to this Bruckner again. All I remember is that the brass was really loud. And that the principal oboist of the Chicago Symphony has a lovely, lovely dark sound.

Regarding my own travails: I am still struggling to get back into things after the Double Reed Day, a bout of illness, and three midterms. My practicing has gone out of kilter and my reed making has grinded to a halt. I have a lesson again on Wednesday so I am hoping my teacher can help me get back on track. I am very saddened by this turn of events but am confident that I can make it work because this is still what I want the most. Lately I have been feeling that absolutely everything is up in the air and that I barely know myself some days. But my desire to be the best oboist I can be is still there, burning brightly and very strong. I just need to get over this hurdle. I need to learn how to manage my time, pronto. It is totally doable to get my hour, maybe two, in every day. One thing that should help is that the quartet might start meeting again in two weeks.

Oh and the grades are in!!
Organic Chemistry: A-
Bio Lab Practical: A-
Biology: B-

Not too bad. I was most excited about the Orgo grade because I really needed it. Bio was a tiny bit disappointing especially since I had changed some answers which had I left would have resulted in a B/B+.

I hope that all my readers (hopefully you guys are still out there) are well.

*hugs*

Freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAAAAAAAAAA!

They're over!

Exams are over. At least for another 2.5 weeks. :-)

Happy times are here again tralalalalalalala!

One more thought

I just have to say that this feeling of "brain exhaustion" is actually pleasant and addicting. It was exactly what was missing from my job before. It's no easy feat to study this much, but it feels so satisfying to actually be using that hunk of meat between my ears. I didn't realize it would take this much to actually tire it out though hahaha.

But, in all seriousness, I am very happy to have the opportunity to do this. To be in this country and not somewhere where women are treated like second class citizens. To be able to return to my alma mater, almost all expenses paid. To have the support of my loved ones though they don't quite understand what I have gotten myself involved in.

Not many people will have the chance to start over. It may never be fiscally feasible. Or may not be possible for a variety of other reasons. In my own case I had to work out a lot of issues before I was able to take the plunge. I am still so very happy I am trying this. Even after these past few weeks. I am thankful to God for the opportunity and for the strength He is granting me day to day in this path (I really need it).

Now I just need some extra lighting so that I know which way to go at the fork that lies ahead.

Running on empty

By this time tomorrow I will be done with tests. For about three weeks anyway.

Can someone please remind me . . . drill it into my thick skull, show me pictures of the circles under my eyes . . . that it would be a good idea to keep up with my courses as they go along instead of cramming a month's worth of work into about a third of the time.

For whatever reason I had been avoiding sitting down and working through the lecture notes/readings to understand things, especially for Biology. I was intimidated by the material because it had seemed so difficult in class. But I've come to realize over the past few days that the concepts aren't that hard at all. Everything fits together really nicely and the amount of hours it took to go from "huh" to "oh, I get it" were a lot less than I anticipated. Had I known this beforehand perhaps I wouldn't have procrastinated as much. 9:45 PM the night before the test should NOT be when I finally complete my thorough review of the lecture notes. That should have happened a week ago and I should have been simply reviewing for a week, not cramming in new material less then 24 hours before the test.

Amazingly, I am doing so much better than how I did as an undergrad. And to be fair to myself I did have three tests all in a week. I actually started studying two weeks ago, it's just that Bio was the last one so it was the one that kept getting put off.

Let's hope I have finally learned my lesson. The stuff is definitely challenging but it's not like I won't EVER get it. If I just put the time in, it will sink in. And it's much better if I put in 4 hours every day instead of two weeks worth of 12 hour days. Have you any idea how it feels to be thinking Biology for 8-10 hours at a time. Forcing my mind back to Bio from its fanciful departures is torture. I miss my fantasizing. UGH. If I have to see the word "pyruvate" again it will be too soon.

The main reason I need to stop procrastinating in school is so that my music doesn't pay the price for it. Poor little Luna has not gotten enough attention from me over the last two to three weeks. It all started after the Double Reed Day. The inside of my upper lip was sore for days. I have decent sized teeth and even if I am not biting on the reed my teeth are against my lips while I am playing. With the amount of playing I did that day I am pretty sure I was biting by the end of it, so I had tiny teeth marks in there. I gave myself a two day break from practicing but that and the upcoming tests lead for me to get off schedule. I've been playing more like every other day this month which sucks! But as of this week I've been back on track and playing every day, working back up to an hour. It's crazy how your chops start failing if you don't exercise them every day. *sigh* At least today I felt a bit more comfortable with the embouchure again. But I am having trouble with intonation. Hmm, let's blame the reed! Yeah, that's it. :-p

I hope to make an update on what I'm working on musically over the weekend. Now back to pyruvate.