until I become a medical student. I am still in denial. The last few weeks have been so terrible that I've often wondered if I have some PPD. I've been having a terrible time imagining anything but doom with regards to medical school. Everything felt so dark but I think that the clouds are finally lifting away. I am sure that I will have a very difficult time leaving my daughter but now that I've spend two days back at my parents' apartment I am feeling a bit better. The first full day that I spend (last Friday) was AWFUL! I never thought I'd say this, but I am no longer used to being in the City. We didn't even go outside or anything (cause it was hellish hot) but even still I felt that the apartment was just too busy. Relatives and neighbors came in and out, my mom whined about her trip to DR for hours, my Dad went up and down 20x . . . at one point bringing home a stereo system that he bought from some shady folks on the street. It was just too much. I was so used to the quiet (but boring) days that Alanis and I spend by ourselves at home. It was a very harsh contrast and knowing that this will be my reality from now on was heartbraking. I worked so hard to get away from some of that stuff. Anyway, thankfully yesterday went much better. Maybe it was because it was the weather. We still had a lot of guests at Mom's but it was fun instead of draining. In the end I know it's the best thing for the baby to have these social interactions rather than being home alone with me all day. I know that I am the one with the problem. While she's having fun with my parents I will be the one crying in class because I miss her. Thankfully all our lectures are webcast, so I am planning to only attend the required small group sessions and any labs. Everything else I will watch online from my Mom's while nursing my precious baby.
Oh,it's World Breastfeeding Week, by the way. I am officially a lactivist and am becoming crunchier by the minute.
Yesterday I passed by my old church to see what was going on. I had been hearing all kinds of rumors regarding the state of the "choir" after we left. I know that for a while the sole remaining singer tried to keep it up and then gave up. Some ladies then tried to take over with mixed reviews. Then the singer went back supposedly. and that's what I wanted to confirm. Indeed when I got there he was singing a song that actually went with the readings and our long lost chameleon drummer was now back as the pianist. I got to see quite a few of the regular parishioners, which was very nice. Ironically they thought I was back when in reality it was my farewell. Now that I saw that singer is rebuilding the group, I can be at peace. It hurt so bad to let go of that group after 15 years but it seems to be in good hands. Now all we have to do is find ourselves a new church to call home. It would be really amazing to find a place where I could play my oboe at, but I am just not sure where such churches exist. It seems that the Catholic churches I've been to are either playing only organ music OR charismatic stuff with popular instruments. It would be cool to find one that played, say, the Mass of Creation, with full instrumentation. There are oboe parts in that score!!
Oboe is still not quite going, but the gears are slowly in motion. I might even have a lesson this month!!