Tuesday, March 04, 2008

POM update

Wow, I can't believe this much time has passed since my last update. Oh dear. I'm not even going to bother making excuses at this point. But I did want to share what I am up to.

I have wonderful news on this front. I have been accepted at my top three choices!! Now it's a matter of how the financial aid pans out. God willing I will be a first year at either Cornell, Columbia, or Albert Einstein this August. This is exciting and scary at the same time. Medical school has been in the background since my high school days and suddenly it will become a major aspect in my life, in an almost violent way. With a baby on board also, it can all feel overwhelming. But I am trying to remain positive and focusing on the fact that I am realizing a life-long dream.

I am now 33 weeks. I can't believe this either. It still feels surreal but the realization that another person is coming into our lives is slowly sinking in. That, and her head looked mighty large on that ultrasound yesterday. *gulp* She's weighing in at just under 4 pounds and is head down, so all looks good. I haven't put up many belly shots because they've been mostly anti-climatic. I've looked the same for a while and only recently have people started noticing that I am actually pregnant. I waited all my life to NOT have to hide my belly and of course mine decided to be pretty small. I guess I shouldn't complain and it still may pop yet, but I have to admit that it's been a bit of a let down, especially when all the other pregnant ladies I see have big, cute, round bellies. Well the important thing is that my baby is doing just fine inside her oblong home. The funny thing is that when I went shopping for what to wear for my shower I made sure the blouse made me look bigger than I am hahaha.

My baby shower is this coming Sunday. My husband and I ended up planning it ourselves (long story). It will be a "traditional" girls-only (except for JC) shower, which is causing some headaches because that's not the way people run these things back home. Normally our showers are more like regular, co-ed parties. But I have always really hated the idea of people drinking and dancing as a way of "celebrating" a birth. So from the get go I knew I wanted something more elegant and appropriate, i.e. a nice lunch with my girlfriends, allowing us a chance to catch up. Since no one in my family knew what to make of this we had to just do it ourselves. Everyone is excited about it except, of course, distant relatives who want to bring significant others, friends, and kids along even though we explained that we are running out of room and are paying per head. *sigh*

Last but certainly not least. My playing is going almost as slowly as the blogging, unfortunately. With continued drowsiness it has been impossible to continue with my daily practice routine. And you all know that once you fall out of it, you basically have to start over again, little by little. At this point I have finally realized that now is not the time to restart my routine as it will surely be interrupted in about 7 weeks. So I think I need to stop feeling guilty and stop beating myself up and just relaxing and realizing that my oboe won't go anywhere. It's going to be a pain but hopefully by the summertime I can resume more regular practicing. I doubt it will be 1-2 hours anymore, but I will be happy if I can get in a good 30 minutes a day again at some point. I will try to meet one more time with my teacher this month so that she can give me some stuff to do at home for the next few months. I need to take this break from lessons because it just doesn't make sense for me to pay for lessons I can't prepare for. It's a waste of both our times and it gives me a lot of negative feelings because I want to be giving it my all.

That all being said, it's not that I am not playing at all. I do play a few times a week just to make sure I don't completely lose it. In fact, I am going to participate in one more concert with the Downtown Symphony. The concert is next Wednesday and I will be playing second oboe in Bizet's Symphony in C. I even have a little solo in the slow movement. That whole movement is absolutely beautiful! But I can't believe how LONG the phrases are at the end. I heard a recording of it and I can't tell where the person is breathing. It's amazing!

Ugh just thinking about taking a break from lessons is making me sad. *sniff* But I feel that if I keep being hard on myself it will make things worse and demotivate me even more. As school gets closer I will be more inclined to practice again (1) because I have to have a pattern in place so that it's easy to keep following and (2) because I might have the opportunity to find others to play with so I will have to get back into shape.

But for now I think I need to take it a bit easier. I have 4 weeks of work left and then after that I have some major organizing to do at home. Hopefully I'll find some time in there to play a few notes at least :-)


Patty said...

Finally an entry! Yay!

So good to hear about you and baby and life, Hilda.

I like your attitude about the oboe; it is what it is, it'll happen when it can happen, and you'll be just fine.

Congrats on all those acceptances. How extremely cool is THAT? I'm so impressed ... I could never make it in medicine. Heck, I couldn't make it in anything, really. Go figure!

Enjoy that shower. :-)

(But I DO want pictures sometime! ;-)

Hilda said...

Thanks Patty! It's so nice to hear from you. :-)

I'm glad you think my oboe attitude is ok. It's been breaking me up inside but today (after a terrible and unsuccessful attempt to get into the city for rehearsal) I just realized I can't keep pushing myself so much. My desire for it still there and once other things fall back into place I am sure I will be able to resume my studies.

Thanks again on the congrats. I feel so blessed to have gotten good news from these wonderful schools. It makes me feel that I am indeed on the right path.

LOL, you are so funny. Of course you have made it! You are a wonderful oboist. :-)

And I will definitely be sharing the shower pics!

Patty said...

Okay ... you've had your shower now, yes? So ... fill me in! :-)